Busy Sunday night dream

Anna and I were at the beach with some other people. We had been busy most of the day going here and there. At some point we even stopped and got some fast food. It was a busy dream up to the point where we went to relax and meet friends at the beach.

There were tables with unbrellas and some had to be set up before you could use them. So Anna and I get there and get a drink. We see people we hang out with so we grab an umbrella and found and empty table. It had an empty bottle on it so we through the bottle away and pulled the table up to our friends tables and put up the umbrella and sat down. It had started raining but we were enjoying being with friends. There was another group we knew set up next to the group we were with. There were a few ladies that weren't regulars to this spot. One of them made some nasty comments because we had taken "her table". So they went and sat over to the side and bitched about it and gave us dirty looks. We ignored them. Someone made the comment that an empty bottle was not saving a table. It wasn't raining anymore at some point in this dream but I don't remember when that was.

So we were having a good time and we walked over to watch a kids baseball game. Or really just a bit of it. There was a dropped third strike and the one runner on base made it home. The kid at the plate didn't know the rules so people started screaming for him to run. He was so excited and started running. This kid was over weight and didn't run well but he was so happy. They kept yelling at him to run and he made it all the way around. Someone asked me about the rule on whether the run counted. In the dream before I answered everyone was saying I said no, yet the run counted in the dream. We turned around and started heading for the car. Anna had to go because she was going on vacation.

This black man that we knew in the dream handed her her tickets. He had made her a reservation at his family condo somewhere.

That's when I woke.

Energy Flows Between People

A reader asks:
Some years ago, I experienced some energy phenomena with a man at work. One day when he stood beside me it felt like a piece of energy came from the area of his breast to me; another day energy seemed to be swirling between both of our breasts when we were standing towards each other; another day one piece of energy the size of a golf ball flew from my head to his while we were talking; the strongest experience was when a whole lot of energy from all of our two bodies seemed to meet and swirl together upwards. However, months later when we became more intimate he said that he did not notice any such thing. Our relationship was very intense, though he is married. And although we do not see each other anymore, it feels as if he is with me all the time.

Quado responds:
He is with you all the time. Everyone in your life is connected to you up on the soul level, where you are a bright glowing ball of energy. You are there together with everyone you have ever loved and many you have not. You have a group of other souls with whom you are closely connected and some with whom you have shared many adventures.

And so, when you meet someone in this physical life who is closely entangled in your energy in the level above, then it can be quite an exciting experience. The energy projected down into both of the physical bodies is already entangled and intertwined. Depending upon what metaphor you are comfortable with, you may think of this as left over from previous lives or as carried across from other dimensions. It does not really matter, for all of the metaphors are only that and are not quite adequate to explain it all.


You are exchanging energy with everyone all the time. Life is energy. The physical world around you is not solid at all, but is instead made of energy which is moving. And sometimes it is so strong that you are able to sense it, but it is happening all the time, whether you can sense it or see it or not. Your energy is reaching out and merging and responding to everyone and everything around you. And even if you are not aware of it at that level, it is happening and can be felt in your body, especially in your solar plexus.


The confusion comes when people mistakenly think that because they have strong energetic ties with someone that they are meant to be with them romantically in this life. This is not necessarily true at all. Even though you are entangled energetically, this does not mean that your life will play out together. It may mean that in some other life you were very close. As with so much else, enjoy it as a phenomenon, let it be as it is, take pleasure in it when it is there, but do not build expectations around it. Do not look for signs. Just let things be.


Close sexual intimacy is very charged with energy, energy which makes your heart race and releases a whole set of chemicals into your body. And when you are this entangled energetically and when you are also enjoying the effects of the chemicals making you feel so wonderful, it can be like an addiction. But if you are not around each other for some time, it will subside and life will go on. Letting go of someone involves not only that release of the addiction to the drug of romantic love and that untangling of the energies which tie you, but also and most importantly, the release from your mind. For it is possible to recreate all of those feelings inside your own head, thus causing your body to experience much of the pleasure of being together simply through your memory and imagination. Know that it is in your power to release this. Know that letting go and moving on is a choice that you can make, just by training your mind not to think of him any longer and then getting used to going through your day without those chemicals and energy bonds.


It is wonderful to have strong energy experiences. But it is important to find peace within yourself, to center yourself within who you are and your own energy, and just enjoy the lovely things that happen outside you when they happen. Just think of it as a thunderstorm which came and went, lightning that lit up the sky, and now it is time to just step out into a spring day of your own creation, one which blossoms deep within your heart, springing from your deep love of self and of life.

Power of Thoughts

I wanted to share this with you all. I think it has a very good message about how we see our life. Sort of like I pointed out yesterday when I said I felt like there was no hope but that knew better than that.


A reader asks:
Over the years, I have been learning how powerful my thoughts are in creating my reality. I have used this to create a life that I am so grateful for now, though everyday, I am still learning how to become a master of my thoughts and my life. One thing I am still not clear about is how this applies to relationships, since of course everyone has free will. What happens when I think about someone? What happens when I visualize them in my future? Can you please comment on how one's thoughts affect the reality of others?

Quado responds:
This is an excellent question and something which is difficult for many to grasp. And the reason is that the information which I wish to give you goes outside of normal understanding and can therefore seem confusing. But if you will but allow yourself to understand it on a deeper level, not just trying to grasp it with your rational mind, listening instead with your spirit and your heart, then you should be able to understand and feel the rightness within you.

Your energies are, of course, very powerful. You are your own energy, projected down from your soul self. But you are also moving in a world which consists of many energies. Sometimes these energies can be bent as they approach you, bent by your own will, your own projected energy, thus creating around you a world of your own making. Sometimes the other energies are strong, stronger than what you can project, and you must bend to them.

All of this is true in the physical world. In the level above you, where you exist as a soul self, you are nothing but energy, a bright glowing ball of energy, glowing alongside the others soul selves. And you are a part of a group there, closely related, other souls with whom you have chosen to have many adventures, in this projected physical life and in others. And you are glowing alongside each other, exchanging energy and information and, of course, love.

And down here, in this physical life, the best thing you can do for yourself is to open up the channel to your own soul self, so that this loving energy pours down into you. The more of this energy that pours down into you, the greater your connection with the intentions of your soul self and the greater your ability to create a world for yourself here of peace and love.

And as you have discovered, if your mind, which is a part of this level down here, not of the soul self level, if your mind is busy with fear and negative thoughts, if it is focused on the past and the future in a negative way, then the soul self energy is diluted and diffused and you are tossed about at the whim of other energies, not your own.

And so, into this world comes another person. You have been visualizing another person, visualizing yourself as being connected in love. And this loving energy, giving energy, does pull toward you what you seek. But then, of course, you must make sure it is giving energy. For if you are> trying to get, if you are projecting visualizations and energies as an attempt to manipulate another person, you will not pull them toward you, you will instead tend to drive them away.

But assume that you are giving love. Assume that your intentions are to give to this person. In this instance, then, you cannot be disappointed, for when you are giving love, when you are not asking for anything in return, including a romantic or sexual relationship, then you cannot be disappointed. But if you are trying to get their loving heart turned toward you in romance and intimacy, then you are trying to get and you may or may not be successful.

When you are giving love, you have the advantage of also filling your heart with healing energy. When you are needy and trying to make someone feel something else, when you are trying to get intimacy from them, then you are turning the energies the other way and filling yourself with need, not love.

And so the answer is this. You cannot make another person love you or want to be with you. All you can do is be who you are, shining out with everything that you are. And you can send out energies of love, of giving love. You may visualize that you are in a loving relationship, yes, but you would do well not to visualize a particular person. You would do well instead to just picture yourself as you wish to be, with a heart full of love, having the opportunity to share that love with someone else, feeling that glow of connection. And then, let the universe help you out by pulling toward you some who would love you just as you are, for the person you are.

And then, when these people come into your life, try as much as possible not to turn to daydreams and fantasies of what could be, but instead, keep your heart open to love, give love, and allow both yourself and the other person to be who they are. This other person may be someone who is ready for an intimate relationship at this time or may not. But if you are living in the world of connection with what is, not with what you wish were true, then you can build many different kinds of relationships, some which are friendships, some which go beyond this, many kinds all based on who you truly are and who they truly are and where each is on his or her own path at that moment.

Do not push. Do not try. Do not manipulate. Do not daydream. Instead, just be. Come deeply into now, this moment, and see what it holds. Allow yourself to be completely who you are, dressing as it pleases you, laughing at what you truly think is funny, doing the weird and quirky things which are you. And allow the other person to be as they are, completely, not a projection of what you think they could be if only they would fix some of their faults.

And then, see what you have. Be honest and direct but not manipulative and trying to get. Listen carefully. People will often tell you exactly what they are seeking and how they feel, but too often this gets misdirected through fantasies and daydreams and attempts to change the other person.

Be open to how the universe wishes to deliver to you. Be very open to things being other than what you thought they would and should be. Be open to people who are different than those you are used to. Be open to trying out new kinds of relationships, ways of being with other people that do not quite fit in the box you are used to or that society has laid out for you. Your own original relationships can often be much more satisfying and fulfilling, if unconventional.

And most of all, relax. Relax and just let it be. Gently float your dreams and then let life bring what it brings. With a heart full of love and openness, many wonderful things will come your way. And when they come, let them be. Keep open. Be like the bird floating on the breeze as it wafts across the garden, not the spider waiting to catch the fly. Let life deliver her bounty to you in free and open ways. Shine out with all that you are. Show the world all of your glorious talents and beauties. Be such a bright light that the best and brightest will be drawn to you, making all glow the brighter.

Let be in love. Let be in light. Glow and let be.

***

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Dream Saturday night

I remember a monster coming up to the house. It kind of looked like a cave troll for LOTR yet a little more alien. We were able tog get away from it. It seem to be attacking several homes. I remember running away from the home and seeing others fleeing theirs. We knew we had to find shelter and needed to be well above ground. We came up to this huge tree. It's limbs were bigger than most trees I've see. It was decided that we would stay in the tree for safety.

This tree huge these huge limbs that went every where. There was one that actually connected back to the ground. I remember saying that I was glad because I had my blanket. I wouldn't be cold.

The tree changed from a tree to a barn. There were a lot more people also. We knew that being on the top floor that we would be safe from the troll. Things in this barn changed very quickly. There was this nice set up steps to get to the upper floors. Before it was a poorly ladder. People had made rooms and were making them their own. Decorating and such. I remembered being very worried about the stairs because it would make it easy for the troll to get to us. I even told them that. I was told we were safe here. A couple of the younger guys had sneaked away and raided their former houses. I told them that was not smart because the trolls were leaving us alone and now they would come after us because of it. I was being very cautious and watching out for the trolls.

I also remember realizing that the trolls had only taken over one area. I started to worry about them spreading to other areas and thought we should warn people. The trolls did come from the raid that had taken place earlier. Something we had learned was that if you were still and quiet they didn't seem to bother you. They wouldn't come into the house. At one point the trolls came to where I was. I remember there being a crack in the door. Something where they could look through. I could see it looking in and making some kind of noise. Someone was screaming and the troll was getting aggitated. Some got her to be quiet and then the troll left.

I found myself in another neighborhood. I had gone there to tell them to be careful of the trolls and how to keep them from coming into the house. There was a mother and her daughter standing there that I saw. I looked behind me into another neighborhood and saw people running everywhere. I remember thinking that they were spreading now.

There was a battle at the barn but I'm having trouble remembering it.

I feel a huge shift in my life has taken place today. There is something that tells me I'll be alone for a while. It makes me want to say that there is no hope in life... and I would say that yet I know that will not be the end of the world. It doesn't make it anymore desirable. Nor does it make me want to go through that time. Re-reading this seems to sound so dramatic!

It's all true, the feelings. The feelings of loss, of loneliness, of the lack of hope. Even if only momentarily and often. I'm having my feeling of being a hermit again. I'll be sneaking over to Pixie's for a supply of mead. So get busy you two... ;-) OR cases of mead may be left at the cave door.

I've been reading Natural Magic by Doreen Valiente all day today. Right now I'm in the weather magick part. My mind went easily to the UK as she tells of the old sayings. I see how these saying are very useful.

The Sex Magick section was very interesting. Puts a different prespective on things. Made a lot of sense actually.


I decided to take a nice long hot bath earlier. I was feeling good until that point. I put on some music and reclined in the tub. It's a great tub... Plenty big enough for two people. So I started meditating and things went to hell from there. Emotionally that is. I started crying, sobbing is closer to the truth. I don't remember any of the meditation though. I just wanted to slip under the water and not come up. I did duck under to get straightened up. The wall when I came up was wavering. It kept wavering for several minutes. Then the room fogged up. This is after the bath had already gotten cool so it wasn't the hot water.

Friday Night Dreaming

My dream last night tooke place with the cast of That 70's Show.

We were all at a building where 2 police departments shared the same space. They shared roll call and other aspects. Jackie and Donna were arguing. I remember donna had her group of police and Jackie had hers. Of course the police were all men. Anyway, Donna had on this really tight red shirt and Jackie made some kind of mean comment about it. I was walking around with Hyde and Kelso. Donna and Jackie started arguing and all of a sudden the 2 police departments broke up. They refused to share the building anymore or anything else. Then Donna was gone from the dream.

So now the 4 of us are walking around this town having fun enjoying life. We go to this one place and I'm in this ... well it was like a fountain... maybe a pool would be the best way to describe it. However the water wasn't blue like in a pool. It was more like looking into a clear lake. So they all came up and I splashed Kelso with water. We were all laughing and then someone from the hotel was heading our direction. We all figured I was going to get in trouble for splashing water out unto the sidewalk. I was out of the water walking around trying not to look guilty. The others were doing the same. There was something about the hotel not wanting water on the sidewalk because people didn't like walking through it because they got muddy. Yes you read that right muddy. The woman looked down and just kept walking and went across the street. Then we all decided to go to this little cafe. I jumped in Kelso car because I wanted to drive it. I could see that Jackie was upset about it but I just wanted to drive the car. So Kelso just grinned at her. This car was a bit strange. It was a silver Mercedes convertable, but when I got inside I was probably a good 15 feet from the steering wheel. Kelso made fun of the fact I couldn't reach the pedals or steering wheel. I said it's ok and moved the seat forward and then off we went. So I don't remember some things other than Kelso and I were getting closer and Jackie was getting more upset.

Then we decided to go to the cafe. I know I said that earlier but now we wound up there. So I walked in and Jackie and Hyde were sitting next to each other and Kelso was on Hyde's left. There were two chairs vacant. One nxt to Kelso but kind of in the way of everyone or the other next to Jackie and out of the way. I grabbed the one next to Kelso and realized in was in the way of everyone so I went over and sat down next to Jackie. She was put out by the whole situation with Kelso. When I sat down I said I'd have sat over there but I'd be in everyone's way. She made some snide comment about at least I choose not to be in the way like a civilized person. I just sat there and ignored it. We kind of ordered and all of a sudden the food was out. It was breakfast. THere were egss and something I don't know what it was. There were also some strange small eggs that looked like those Cadbury easter eggs. The ones with the white and yellow inside. Except there was no chocolate covering. It was gross looking really.

Then I woke.

EZHOBAR, Full Moon, Friday, November 26, 8:07 pm, GMT

Spiritus Sanctus <spiritus@mindspring.com> wrote:EZHOBAR, Full Moon, Friday, November 26, 8:07 pm, GMT

The Moon Angels of Moon Magic
Angels of 'E-Z-H-O-B-A-R'
14th Day of Lunar Cycle
FULL MOON

Beloved,When emotions are running at full power, magnetic attraction is at its peak.Strong feelings magnetically attract changes in matter. Emotions attract a particular reality out ofinfinite potentialities and manifest in the physical world. During the full moon, emotions are at their most powerful,so manifesting changes on the physical plane is easier at this time. Polarity is a fact of creation on all levels and emotions have polarity.By mastering polarity in the emotions, all things are possible,including levitation of self, others, and objects. The key is mastery of whole brain concentration on the fourlevels of being, while simultaneously feeling powerful emotions. Delta brainwaves are oneness with the Unified Field of energy, onenesswith Divine Consciousness and with all life. At the end of the spectrum of Deltabrainwaves, INTENT or WILL is generated for manifesting a divine virtue for thebenefit of the Unified Field. This is the level of electrical energy. The strongerthe WILL, the larger will be the mold that is created on the next level. In Theta brainwave a person contemplates the MEANING of the divine virtuethat is being generated. Clear and precise intellectual understanding of thevirtue creates a blueprint, or mold that will be filled onthe next level with magnetic energy of emotion. Alpha brainwaves are the level of EMOTION.EMOTIONAL strength determines the force of magnetic power generated tofill the mold that was created on the previous level. When the mold, or blueprintis filled, it manifests on the next level, which is the level of form or matter. The level of physical matter is comprehended by Beta brainwaves which register the five senses, memory, language, and linear thought.It is on this level that changes in form are experienced by the five senses and then remembered later. During the full moon a person can align his/her strongest emotions withthe most powerful emotional energy of the Unified Field with great ease andpiggyback personal feeling energy with Divine Feeling Energy. In this way themost amazing manifestations in magnetic and physical creation are mastered. For the past thirteen days beginning at the the new moon, the intent, concept,feeling, and sensations of desired changes in physical manifestationhave been created. Now is the time of ultimate manifestation. Meditate on the divine virtues associated with the letters of our name,and call on our help to gain the following:

'E-Z-H-O-B-A-R

E

We infuse cosmic consciousness and awaken talents andabilities, especially clairvoyance, and help you understand symbolsand the ancient language of Quaballah.
---------

Z

We impart an excellent gift for prophecy, and the abilityto see the working of magic in the physical world.
---------

H

We teach all languages of all spheres, and confer power toraise the dead, and perform miracles using the power of theword according to the meditations of the ancient language.
---------

O and Umlaut O (oe)

We attune your spirit and soul to Divine justice and harmony, so that you have a high power of judgment, and understandwhen Divine Providence alters reality for the sake of justice.We help you attain the transmuting power of cognitionbrought about by Love Divine.
---------

B

We initiate masters over life and death and the power to change fate. We also gift magic powers and teach the need for the existence of polarity.
---------

A and umlaut A (ae)

We aid development of artistic talents, eloquence, and magic powers like levitation and learning the language of symbols.We help you release all imperfections in being, desire,thought, feeling, and form in self and others.
---------

R

We cause mind expansion in order to learn new information quickly and easily. We impart ingenuity that manifests itself in a number of abilities.'
---------

"As above, so below."

The cycles of the moon are the natural cycles and rhythms of the seaof magnetic energy, the sea of the emotions of the universe.

By consciously aligning personal emotions with moon cycles, a state of almostindescribable bliss and well being can be maintained on an on-going basis.

Periods of quietness at the dark of the moon gives birth to new feelings which growgracefully into periods of intense excitement and completion at the full of the moon.

The period of passionate completion of the full moon then gradually relaxes intosatisfaction and serenity at the end of the cycle, at the dark of the moon once again.

The 28 day cycle of the moon, the dark of the moon waxing to the full moon andthe waning back again to the dark of the moon, carefully guides the emotional sea of magnetic energy for all creation according to impeccable rhythms of harmony and life.

Here is an exercise to help master polarity of emotion.

Choose a polarity such as:
excitement relaxation
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Close your eyes and feel excitement.
Concentrate fully until your entire being is infused with the feeling of excitement!
~~~~~~~

Next feel relaxation.
Concentrate fully until your entire being is peaceful and floating with the feeling of relaxation. ~~~~~~~

Now feel excitement again!
Feel it fully, taking your time to work up to full awareness of its power!
~~~~~~~

Now feel relaxation again, feel it until you merge fully into peaceful, calm, quiet, being.
~~~~~~~

Now remain in a state of relaxation,
WHILE AT THE SAME TIME FEELING EXCITEMENT!
Feel these two feelings AT THE SAME TIME!
~~~~~~~

This exercise enhances wholebrain awarenessand becomes effortless with practice.
Use this exercise to master any polarity; acceptance/rejection, joy/sadness, confidence/fear, etc.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the 14th day of every 28-Day Moon Cycle,
we flood the earth withpowerful feelings to manifest miracles.


*** ECSTASY ***

Return to Lovingpurelove Home Page
Return to Angels of the Moon Files

Revised Document: 3 May 2004
Cynthia Rose Young Schlosser
spiritus@mindspring.com

Web Formatting: 26 November 2004
Polly A. Menendez

*Names, phrases, or sections, in Italics or single quotation marks are quoted or paraphrased from the books of Franz Bardon, [The Practice of Magical Evocation ISBN 3-921338-02-6 and The Key to the True Quaballah, ISBN 3-921338-13-4]. Publisher is Dieter Ruggeberg, Wuppertal/ W. Germany. These books have detailed information on the meanings of the letters on all four levels of will, mind, feeling, and form, and all of the beings of the zodiac.For serious study of the ancient language and easy reference, you can purchase these books online at:
www.amaluxherbal.com
*****

Together we are One, Sharing love and light in ever-expanding Harmonic Waves of Pure Being. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lovingpurelovehttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/SpiritusAngelMessages

LANGUAGE OF COSMIC LOVE, A - Z Love Brightens the Day, Love Lights the Way

*sighs*

Sorry to tell you all I'm bored again. *grins* Aren't you glad Gone with the Wind isn't on again? LOL Actually it was on earlier.

I've watched the new Harry Potter movie for the second time now. It's cool and I want to know why we can't do the things they do? It's so unfair. lol

Oh! I took a wonderful nap earlier. Curly (one of my Jack Russells) decided to join me. So he layed in front of me with his head on my arm. *sighs* It was nice just to nap with him. As often as he annoys me I love the little brat. He has been staying close to me today so he must know I need it.

I've only seen Michael twice today. He is in his room playing his game.

I think I'm going to pick up one of my books and start going through the lessons all over again. I need something. I'm losing all focus though I am feeling a lot more than I usually feel, energy wise.

I have a jasmine candle burning that smells lovely.

OH my Gods! I was searching for Quarter horses for sale and ran across a website that really drew me. I was having fun reading what they had to say about their horses. There was this great picture of this woman and a horse in her kitchen. LOL What caught me eye was she said no bad comments about her trousers. My ears perked up and I looked up at the website. I never pay attention to that when I'm looking at horses. Anyway it was a UK site. I read further and found they were in Wales. :-D I was so excited. Nope as you know I don't live there but it was the fact that they have Quarter horses. Gotta to be a great place you know.

Ok, what else did I discover today.... Ummmm.... I've been lazy all day. Not hit a lick at a snake. Well, I guess that wasn't really a discovery was it. hehe

What else.... .... .... oh well.... Maybe I'll read some...

I woke up this morning to an absolutely beautiful blue sky. It's really "crisp" out there. lol The sun is shining brightly.


My dreams were really odd last night.

My mom and I were together throughout this dream. I'm understanding that that is just two parts of myself. Anyway, it was such a busy dream. I was at one point getting dressed. I had entirely black clothes on. I looked down and my jeans were blue so that's why I was changing clothes. Then I noticed my pocketbook was an odd color. I'm not sure I can even describe it. lol All this took place in the country. No buildings. We went in this restrurant that was busy all the time. They served breakfast, lunch and dinner. I remember looking at the clock and it was 5 til 11 so they were still serving breakfast. Then someone next to me said there was only a few seconds left on breakfast. I didn't argue but I also didn't understand why they would say that. I remember thinking I'd just ask what kind of breakfast stuff they had left. Then we were walking to the dining area with our trays and we had a third party with us. A younger person. This person sat at the table that had this huge hole under it. There were plenty of other tables around and I wanted to move because my feet would be hanging over this hole if I sat down. Mom sat down and I was just looking down at the hole. Then we were off somewhere else.


That was the way my dreams were all night. Just busy. The one before I started to write down when I woke up but changed my mind. It was just another busy dream and I didn't feel like bothering.

Boredom

This has been such an exciting night.

I've watched The Blues Brothers, Jurassic Park, something else that was so exciting that I've forgotten what it was, and now I'm on to Gone with the Wind.

A quarter of a bottle of mead and now I want water. hehe I'm bored... Mead and bored Georgia can be a dangerous mix. Damn... I'd twiddle my thumbs but I don't feel like it.

Oh on a side note. Goldfish crackers and mead don't go together well.

You know a cuppa would be good right now. I just don't have the desire to make it. Coffee would be good but that means I'd have to get motivated.

I was just sitting here watching GWTW and had forgotten about the scene where they had Scarlett's mother laid out in the parlor after she died. It reminded me of the conversation we had about people fearing death and how use to death was hands on. Family took care of their dead and honored them like they aren't now. It just reminded me of a time when death wasn't so scary for people.

Intermission for GWTW. *sighs* Well Scarlet has made it back to Tara but found her mother dead and her father not doing well mentally. She swore she'd never be hungry again. *grins*

You know my dogs are just annoying the crap out of me right now. Them and DJ (my sisters dog) They want to run outside constantly. Plus no matter what I pick up they think it's something for them to eat. Heck they were begging for my Mylanta tablets.

"And the wind swept through Georgia". No that doesn't mean I have gas. LOL The movie is back on.

Oh Scarlet is fixin to kill herself a yankee thief! Yep shot him in the face.... Bastard deserved it. He was a thief and a scoundrels. I say they cut him up and eat him. Hey! They're hungry don't look at me like that.

:-o! Miss Mellie just took her nighgown off and she's nekkid! Ok, they needed to wrap something around the yankees head some he wouldn't bleed everywhere.

YAY THE WAR IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ashley should be coming home now. Ashley's home... I have to admit that I always thought that Ashley was a pansy boy but I liked Rhett. :-) Even if he was a scoundrel. Great the bastard Ashley just broke Scarlet's heart and now he is kissing her. *rolls eyes* Oh he loves Scarlet but his wife is the best thing that happened to him. He is weird. lol

Oh no... Pa is fixin to die... dang... he just fell off his horse jumping and now he is dead.

Oh my favorite thing! They are making a dress out of the drapiery! :-D I love Mamie... she was such a strong woman in this role. Scarlet is such a bad woman. LOL I like her. Rhett just told her she would be miserable for any man. hehe He has pissed her off now!

:-o! Scarlet is fixin to steal Mr. Kennedy from her sister Sue Ellen. Scarlet just lied to him saying her sister was going to marry one of the neighbor men. She is SO bad!

Now she has Ashley in trouble with Mellie because she doesn't want him to live Atlanta. lol Now Mellie is chewing him out for not doing what Scarlet says. hehe

You know the book was so much better than the movie. Scarlet was worse in the book and married more and had more children.

Oh now we are talking about the politician meetings... We know what that was about...

Poor Mr. Kennedy... shot dead on Decatur Road.

I'm tired... I think I'm calling it a night....

Thanksgiving

Well this year sucked and truthfully if next years is going to be this way I'm not even trying.

Michael is limited on what he'll eat so I didn't bother with the things I would have normally cooked. I did have a nice turkey beast, sweet potatoes with marshmellows, biscuits because I forgot to set the other out to rise. lol Michael likes creamed corn so I made some of that for him. He complained, jokingly, throughout the whole meal. The problem was he wouldn't stop and he was hitting on all the things that hurt my feelings. Normally when I tell him to stop he does but not this time. He kept pushing and pushing. I wanted just to get up and go cry but he is so sensitive that I couldn't do it to him. So we finished the meal and he went off up stairs to play his computer game.

I was sitting here earlier and the house was quiet except for the tv and I felt someone sending energy to me. It was directed right to my third eye. It was incredibly strong. I can still feel it though.

I went into my room and turned on the O cd and visiualized myself dancing around in a grove of trees. I was really enjoying myself. Then I decided to come back out into the living room. I would rather be lost in that visualization I was in earlier.

Wednesday night dream

I was standing on top of a tall hill with Jo. Though I never saw her fully I did see her smile and it was her voice. I remember being very happy as I looked down this hill into a populated area. Not much population but there were houses and stuff.I could feel the excitement welling up inside me. I told her "one of the things I liked about this is that I can say I've ridden Sassy here before". I looked down the hill and there were some older men just a little way away from us talking and laughing. their clothing was not this time period though. I just realized that. There was a building that from that distance looked like the roof was thatched. It was on the left. I got the feeling it was a pub. On the right were some houses. Maybe 10 of them. The road went between the pub and the houses. The road was also not paved. The area around these buildings were without trees but about maybe 100 feet there were lots of trees. I felt like this was from a different time. The whole feel of the place.

I went on to tell Jo that I had ridden Sassy through Glastonbury and many other places. I felt a pride that I'm not sure what was about. It was like that feeling you get when you're finally home.

I woke cuddling my blankie... *grins*

I had to edit this post because I remember also dreaming of scratching a man's back for him. He had a broad back. It seemed perfectly natural for me to be scratching his back for him.

I was standing in line with another woman. This line was very long. We both got out of line and went to where the front was but not because we were breaking line but to get something. We decided not to get back in line and were walking back out. I asked her if she thought we could get back in line where we had been or if we would have to go all the way to the back. She and I grinned at each other and she said I think not. I laughed because the people were looking at us like we better not try that. I said I didn't think so and we kept walking. I remember trying to see the place where we had been in line but could only find the people who had stood further behind us. We walked out of that room.

Those were two different dreams and happened in that order.

There was a man involved in this and I'm trying to remember how he fit in. I remember him coming to me in his car. He was unloading something out of his car. I think my dad tried to tell me something was strange about this guy. He didn't seem however alarmed about this man. I liked this man as he was nice and friendly.

Rainy Wednesday

I woke up feeling pretty good. Like I had had a visit from someone during the night. Anyway...

It's been raining for... 5 or 6 days now. I'm wondering if the story of Noah was true. LOL 40 days and 40 nights. *grins* No the rain isn't that bad. I'm not complaining as I love the rain it's just a little unusual.

I'm baby sitting my sister's dog DJ. He is 14 years old and fragile. My dogs are wild. Joey absolutely hates DJ. I have to make sure the cats don't hurt DJ. He can't see very well either. He is sucha sweet little dog but a pain in the butt. LOL He is a prince at his house and I'm trying to keep the peace in mine. *grins* So DJ isn't treated like a prince but I've been loving on him and trying to make sure that I do a lot of what my sister does for him. He woke me up about 4 times last night barking. He wanted out of jail. He is use to sleeping with her but I don't want to share my bed with him. lol

My dream last night was about houses. My house and Tom's house. Throughout the dream I got the feeling Tom was trying to convince me his house was better. It was a weird dream. I wish I could remember more... Maybe later.

Second Try

As usual there were several questions that had multiple answers. So I went back and did it again. I think I have a split personality.



You're Lili St. Cyr!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by

Betty Page??? Me??

You're Bettie Page!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by

Strange Dream

I was in a building that reminded me of a Home Depot store. I've noticed in these dreams that Tom is playing a larger role so I'm guessing I'm starting to really work things out now. Tom and 3 or 4 other guys were in this area that was surrounded by short files cabinets or the likes. They were working on something. I remember seeing some kind of machinery. I was outside this circle watching all this. He told me to go find Steve Cook, I immediately flashed on what Steve looked like and said the Football guy? I knew I should have said Baseball and of course before I could correct it Tom did. Now the thing about this part of the dream is a guy named Steve Cook was head of the football program after we left the ball park.


So I go off through this store looking for Steve. I was just looking up and down the isles. I knew that Tom expected me to do more than that but I could see up and down the isles and didn't need to walk them individually. I passed by an area that was like a toy store. The exception was that all the stuff animals were probably about 6 feet tall. Of course things like giraffes were even taller. I didn't go into that area because Steve wouldn't be in there. So I go back and tell Tom that Steve isn't around. Tom is acting all serious and tells me he needs some other stuff. I have forgotten what it was. He then proceeds to tell me all the stuff he was giving to each of the guys.


Some where in this dream were these little creatures that were tracking me down. I'm not sure I can describe them. They were probably about 3 feet tall. Sort of charcoal grey. Their skin was more like an armor. It appeared very thick. On their heads were these things that looked like horns but they didn't stick up. They layed back on the head. Actually it was more like the were embedded in the head. The horns looked like, well sort of like a water buffalos horns. Only they weren't to the side. I wasn't terrified of these things but they were chasing me. I was fending them off with no problems. Though I'll admit the dream was starting to get me upset.

IMAGINE A WOMAN

Dani sent a link to this wonder poem. I'm putting it here because I don't want to lose it.


IMAGINE A WOMAN

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman. A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories. Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who believes she is good. A woman who trusts and respects herself. Who listens to her needs and desires, and meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present. A woman who has walked through her past. Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life. A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf. Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods. A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness. Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body. A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is. Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing face. A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom. Who refuses to use precious energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life. A woman who sits in circles of women. Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

Reprinted with the permission of the author: Patricia Lynn Reilly Copyright: 1995
Imagine a Woman in Love with Herself (Conari, 1999)

The challenge of relationships

I got this from another list.

"It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one issure to find out the next morning that it was someoneelse."

-- Samuel Rogers

Despite our passion for romantic love, relationships are not the easiest way to find love and peace. They are, however, one of the most effective for finding our blocks.

Relationships naturally bring out into full view our desires, attachments and unconscious programs - our likes, dislikes, belief systems, judgments, compulsions, conformities, etc. Relationships challenge us because they take us deep into thoughts, feelings and experiences we have suppressed for a lifetime. That's why they provide the very best arena for personal growth!

"Human relationships are the perfect tool for sanding away our rough edges and getting at the core of divinity within us."

-- Eknath Easwaran

(C) Reproductions Permitted:http://www.higherawareness.com

Dream Snippet

I remembered a bit about my dream last night.

I was in a parking garage in a hotel. I was having trouble getting out of the basement. I remember getting to a room that was very very small. It's all kind of jumbled. I just remember other people there and they treated me like they knew who I was. Yet I didn't know any of them.

Sunday

This weekend has kind of sucked. Mostly because of stuff on WG. It's ashame when I don't even want to check the emails because of what was going on. It's ashame that people have had to have their feelings hurt. It's ashame that people have felt they were singled out. It's ashamed that this all happened when it wasn't necessary.

Today I went up to mom and dad's. My sister (Gay), Matt (my oldest son) and Michael were all there. Since Gay and Matt are going to Montana next week they won't be here for Thanksgiving. So we had it today. It was kind of nice but it was lacking the spirit. I mean we had fun seeing each other and getting to talk face to face but it just was lacking. Oh and Thursday is my mom's birthday also. :-) So Gay and I took her presents. My dad has a lot of blood in his left eye and of course doesn't want to go to the doctor. It's a trait we all have. LOL The part about not going to see the doctor that is.

I'm sitting here watching The Wizard of Oz or Wee Oz as Michael called it when he was a little boy. :-) The flying monkeys just came and got Dorothy. LOL I still don't get how people thought that part was scary. I've always loved this movie. When Michael was little he would say I don't want to watch the gray part. LOL It took me a couple of times before I realized that he was being a Virgo. It's not black and white. hehe

When Matt was little his favorite movie was Ghost Busters. LOL I must have watched that movie 3 or 4 times a day for YEARS! Actually it came out when he was like 9 months old. I took him to see it then. LOL

I am tired... I am drained... I have no more to give tonight.

Thinking on Saturday Night

What a weird day. The energy still doesn't feel right. Things are up in the air and I just don't like it. I've been tired, but in an ok mood.

I've been thinking about things on a different level. I find myself wanting to climb into my shell and act like this year hasn't happened. None of it. I'm tired of feeling like the other shoe is going to drop at any time. I'm tired of feeling like things won't ever settle down.

I bought some red peppers to do some work with. I've decided there are some definite uses for these peppers.

I just feel out of sorts is all.

Going up to my mom and dad's tomorrow and we have going to have a mini Thanksgiving. Gay and her crew are going to Montana on Monday so they won't be here for Thanksgiving. You know this kind of pisses me off. I mean they go every year but this year I really was hoping for some family stuff. Not to mention that my brother side of the family is pissed off because of some crap. It just rather pisses me off that this is all going on. It's like the loss of more family.

I did buy a turkey breast so Michael and I will be having our own Thanksgiving. Heck who knows maybe it is more that I'm suppose to give up these holidays and start with the more pagan ones. It's a thought.

Friday night dream

I was sitting in a crowd of kids. It was like school. I remember the teacher, she was young and sweet. The children were around 7 or 8 years old. We were all gathered waiting our turn to go and pick out the one we wanted. Now in this dream they were horses yet when I saw them up close they were cats. There were other classes there and we had to take turns. I ran and got mine first before we were suppose to. I couldn't bare the thought that I wouldn't get the one I wanted. I knew I shouldn't have and when the teacher looked over and I sat the kitten down knowing I shouldn't have gone a picked up the kitten because I wasn't following the rules. Funny though I thought hang the rules. This is the one I want.

I was sitting against some cabinets and I had on a coat. I was hot. The teacher called me to ask me to come over with the rest. I told her I was hot and took off my coat. Then there was a doberman standing in front of me. He looked like my dog Henker. I got the distinct impression though that the dog said his name was Abe. I started petting him and talking to him. I got was getting these big handfuls of hair off the dog where he was shedding. I hand up a handful to show the teacher and the hair was white instead of black.

Today Michael and I went to look at trading his car in on something else. Tom said it would be ok and Michael had found a car he wanted but it had already been sold. So we were headed back to the house when Gay called and asked if we wanted to grab something to eat. She was having her hair done and they were just finishing up. So I said yeah and Michael and I stopped at Barnes and Noble to look at books while we waited for her to be done.

It's Bri's fault because she told me the Ancestors of Avalon (MZB) by Diana Paxson was out. I wanted to pick it up. While I was there I looked around and decided to pick up the 5000 spells books. Someone is going to have to save me. I'm fighting myself. I found the perfect spell but know that it's probably not the best thing I could do. I want to do it. Easy enough to do and the spell is actually along the lines of how I like to work.

Michael asked Tom if he could borrow his car to drive to school tomorrow. Tom said yes but I think the reason is the Dallas is there and he wants to introduce her to Michael. I'm not dealing with this as well as I hoped I would. I ready to do some damage. I'm finding myself wishing some really bad shit on him. I'd rather have him dead and out of my life than just out of my life. Ok, that may sound a bit harsh but it's the truth.

I have felt something growing in me in the past couple of hours that worries me. It's like a monster. I feel it trying to well up and stretching. Almost as if it is saying release me.

Who Are You?

Or maybe it should read who am I? I've been thinking on this and it seems like it should be a simple question. It's not. Trying to define who you are isn't easy. Well it's not for me. What makes it difficult is to be honest with myself. Not to be negative about myself.

Part of the problem is that it is easier to see the bad in myself than the good. Actually it easier to tell the bad about myself than the good. I keep fighting myself even typing this.

So why do I feel I need to say only the bad things about me? Why do saying good things make me feel like I'm lying? Why is it hard to say good things about myself without feeling embarrassed? Do other people go through this also?

I do know that Tom was wrong when he said that I was mean and hateful. Heck I wasn't even being mean and hateful at the time! The bad thing is I that I keep thinking he never has even seen me unleashed. I had one close call but I still held myself in control.

Oh! And the hardest thing for me is to say something nice about my looks. I notice when someone else says something complementary that I just about cringe. I need to work on this.

I've decided I just don't like this day. It's not a bad day, it just sucks. It started out ok. I mean nothing major good or bad. I don't know maybe I'm in one of those Cancerian funks.


Love
by Delerium

Even my heart is
Broken in two...
Now I feel low sense of certainty
Can there ever be any guarantees in life?
Tell me

You ask yourself
What do you know?
I know I'll always love you, baby...
And you'll ask me
How I feel about you
(I'll tell you)???
I know I?ll always love you!

Even homeI feel whole often lost...
Feel low sense of safety,
Can there ever be any guarantees in life?
Tell me,
O-o-h tell me...

You ask yourself
What do you know?
I know I'll always love you, baby...
And you'll ask me
How I feel about youI know I'll always love you!

I will take you away from the misery ???????
(Yes I will take you away)???
I dream each year,
that I have loved you...

Catching up

Ok so last night I met Enima dude. You all know who I'm talking about. It's my name for him.

So it was in my dream and for some reason it didn't click with me who he was. When I finally did I told him Mike's story about how his music touched Mike. I then asked if he would mind giving his autograph so we could put it on Mike's memorial. He didn't want to do it and was acting like an ass. Finally he agreed and some woman who was like a manager to him was not happy about it at all. She was an ass too.


Also my dream found me in a huge wonderful witch store. It was so cool because this was like half store and half gathering. One woman I met was so funny and as I think back I think it was Draig. She was making something and was telling us that she had gone last year and they asked her to do some work for the gathering. She had enjoyed it so much she was there again to help. It was interesting.

I think most of my dreams last night were about things I heard at the Border's Pagans Meeting.

Yesterday was just average. Nothing happened. Standard day. I didn't do anything all day. Not at work anyway. I did talk to my mom for a bit yesterday. She is so funny. Talked to dad. For all his faults he does have a very good heart.

There is steam rising off the pond this morning... maybe it's fog and not steam... I'm not sure.

I enjoyed the Border's meeting last night. It wasn't the topic because I didn't get into it at all. However it was the people. Tammy is the Catholic that I was hoping would join WG. She is a very funny and sweet woman. She and Dan are getting married next year. Dan has been a single man forever. So it will be fun and I wish them much love, and happiness.

As we left Border's there was a man standing outside that started asking questions. He was nice enough. His body language didn't indicate that he was closed to what was being told. He was a christian and I think he was just trying to decided what he thought. We invited him to go eat at Friday's with us and also invited him to come to the next meeting if he wanted. I think he was a little surprised that we weren't secretive. He could be trouble but hopefully he found that we weren't scary or in need of saving.

I bought some house plan books last night to start looking for my new house. I have a feeling it's going to get real ugly when Michael turns 18.

Last night when I went to bed I tried to do some work before I went to sleep. I was in the middle of a tug of war. I was being pulled. I felt myself going back and forth. It was very strange. Then I fell asleep and don't even remember getting tired.

You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.

Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by

My pirate name is:

Captain Morgan Rackham

Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

What? How?

I'm wondering if my outlook on what it is that I want off.

See I was thinking back on when I started on this path I was disappointed with myself. I wasn't able to do things that I thought I should be able to. I discovered that part of the reason why not is that I had this vision in my head of what it *should* be like. It wasn't. I had these set thoughts in my mind of how it was suppose to be and limited myself by doing so.

I'm talking more of the visualization part of things.

I don't think I want to settle again. I want what is best for me. Even though I say that I then turn right around and worry about Michael. I cannot make plans that don't include him. Yeah he is 17 but because he turns 18 next September doesn't mean that he is gone. One of the things the parenting class said is don't let the child rule what you do. That's fine but you can't also forget they are involved. Well I can't. Tom seems to have done that. Before the divorce I told him that I was the one who was being left in charge while he went off without any cares or worries about Michael. He got mad and said he wished Michael wanted to be with him like he does with me. Well guess what Tom, it's because he knows you always put yourself first. You've proved it several times in the last two months. So everything I do I have to think of Michael. Not because he is more important than me but because he is my child. It doesn't matter how old he is. You know when he is 18 he may chose to move away and go to school. Who knows? But I will not abandon him.

What do I want? Hmmm I'm sure this will take more than one time sitting down. I'll have to think on this.

Friday night dream

I was going to a horse fair (which is not the words I would normally use for a horse sale). I had my mother and Dale somehow with me. As we were pulling up to the fair there were horses tied up here and there. I got the feeling this was like a mix of a horse show and horse sale. We pulled into the lot and then were out of the car. Some how I was carrying Marvin (one of my cats) around with me. I wasn't impressed with the way the sale looked. Stalls were dirty and some seemed to be piled high. This little girl was walking around with us and asked to hold Marvin. So I let her.

We walked by a section where the horses were tied in small stalls. They had a pony section and then a horse section. My mom was all upset. I wanted to go in there and she said no and stopped me. Something is wrong she said. I was looking in and saw nothing nor did I feel anything weird. Yet she insisted we not go in there. In the dream for some reason I said it's the smell. It's because they used straw in the stalls and it doesn't smell as clean as shavings. So we walked in there.

As we walked looking at horses I didn't notice the little girl disappeared. I started looking around for the little girl and Marvin. Dale said he remembered he had seen some kids killing animals. So I took off looking for them. I found these kids standing around this wooden box and this boy was telling these kids that they would be shooting at something else. The animal was hidden inside the wooden box and when they shot at it they would shoot the animal. So basically they got to kill something. I went in and screamed at them and they all ran off. I started calling Marvin. He answered me and he was in the box. I grabbed him out and was furious.I started looking for who ever was in charge. I found two women who were I charge of security. They were just chit chatting and were not listening to what I was saying. I got nasty and told them they had better called the Sheriff's Office and get someone out there right away. I was ferious. Finally I got the call to the Sheriff's Office and they were sending someone. I walked around looking for the kids. I found the boy and he was with his parents. I went off on his parents who acted like they knew nothing about it. I looked at the kid and said I hope you die you little bastard. Then I walked off.

One thing when I picked Marvin up out of the box I really felt like he was in my arms and he was holding on to me tightly. This morning... I can't keep him off me. If I sit down he is on me. While I walk around his is following me.

There was something about Tom in the beginning of this dream but I can't remember it.

Listening to Lotus Thank you Osran

Today is chilly but dang it I'm having hot flashes so I'm hot and have the air condition on.

I'm sitting here while Tom gives a deposition in his office. I heard them asking the normal personal questions. He said divorced, my name. Then I heard him explaining that Michael and I lived here and he lived else where. There was a strange tone in his voice but I'm not sure what it was.

On to pleasant things. I'm sitting here eating Wintergreen Altoids like candy. I can still taste the onions I had for lunch. hehe I've talked with Branny a bit today, I have to remind her to go to bed at 4:00pm my time. lol Wow it's almost only two hours away! Damn, then she is headed for Glastonbury. I'm jealous, I want even attempt to hide that fact. She's promised to give Trevor a hug for me. I wish I were there to do it myself. I need to win the lottery or become rich some how.... I know what I'd be planning.

I chatted a bit with Kass last night. She is a wise woman.

ok, I'm done for now... I may blog again later... who knows...

Hello

"Hello"
by Evanescence


playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello

if i smile and don't believe
soon i know i'll wake from this dream
don't try to fix me i'm not broken
hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry

suddenly i know i'm not sleeping
hello i'm still here
all that's left of yesterday

I went to bed last night with an intent to find an answer to something that has been weighting on my mind. Last night was a bust as I can't remember what I dream. I vaguely have a feeling but that's it. I'll try again tonight.

Today is a raining day and going to be like that the whole day. It's dark and no the Sun hasn't kept it's promise today. *grins* It will be easy to slip into a bit of a depression with this darkness.

I feel the need to pull back from everyone...

Oh wait I remember looking down at a top I had on and my nipples were hard. LOL No I have no idea why. Sorry about that it was just something I remembered. I was hoping it would jog my memory if I started typing it.

Anyway, I feel like I should pull back from people to try and see things more clearly. The problem is that it's not helping. Nothing is getting clearer.

I had lunch with Tom yesterday and he was in the office for a couple of hours. It was actually pleasant for once. I didn't feel anything for him. It was just like having lunch with a work colleague.

What lessons do I need to learn before I can move on? I'm just not sure. Going with what is given to me is the only thing I can do.

Kicked in the teeth - dream

The dream is hazy but...

I was with my mother and she was angry. She had an evelope of money and she was saying something about my dad. She had I believe $2,000.00 and said she was going to buy her an evening gown. Now I'm not sure why but that's what she said. There was a man there too I kind of feel like it was my brother. Or maybe just an observer. I was counting the money and it was pretty strange because the biggest bill she had in the envelop was a ten. These bills had old family protraits on them instead of dead presidents. She only had two ten and the rest was fives and ones. I was kind of shocked at the denominations. We had gone to a bank and all of a sudden it was packed and you couldn't get in or anything.

I started wondering around and this lady picked up this gold color cell phone. I immediately thought of Chelle and looked and the phone had her name on it. The phone had some dirt on it where it had been on the ground. So I told the lady that I had a friend named Chelle and thought maybe it was hers. The lady handed me the phone and I started trying to find out for sure. For some reason I couldn't get it to list all the numbers on the phone. Then I couldn't get the called numbers list. For some reason it took me a bit to decided to press the home to find out that way. So I'm in an area that had baseball fields on it and there were quite a few people around as I was trying to mess with this phone. I remember walking around and wound up walking behind some kids wearing baseball uniforms. I was walking in the grass and it was really wet so I was headed back to the pathway. I finally found home on the phone. There were four. One for each base. First base, second base, third base and home plate. So I pressed the button for home plate.

A man answered the phone and was going on about something and I interuppted him. He said something to the affect that if this wasn't his wife I'd better explain why I was on her phone. So I did. I went through the whole thing.

Then I found myself in the car with Tom. He had worked a case that involved this blonde girl. It was dark and we were on the road at an intersection. There was this big truck next to us. It wasn't a tractor trailer or anything along those lines. It was like a smaller tow truck on steroids. It was huge. The blonde girl was in this truck with a guy. Tom didn't want the truck getting over infront of us so he pulled up just enought to keep it from happening. The truck backed up and so did Tom. A motorcycle turned between us and the car in front of us going right to left. I was thinking oh they moved back to let the motorcycle turn. I was thinking it was stupid for the motorcycle to turn there instead of the intersection. I remember the truck moving up and TOm doing so too just to keep the guy from getting over. This time is was a little different. I noticed this truck had an aggressive front bumper that looked like it could be used in a battle. THe guy started moving over anyway and forced Tom to let him over.

Somehow we were all out of the vehicles and Tom and this guy were fighting. I remember saying to myself I liked it better when Tom was so full of testosterone. So they were fighting and for some reason kneeled down. When he did the guy kicked him in the mouth. I remember feeling nothing but surprise that he knelt down during a fight. I remember seeing some blood. I went over to stop them and jumped on the guy. He was really tall. I was trying to break his neck but with not very much passion behind it. In my dream I was saying to myself what I was trying to do so that it would happen. I woke up.

Using Wixa

My Goat Worshipping Love Cultist name is Mistress of Goats.
Take The Goat Worshipping Love Cultist Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Using SmilingMoon

My Goat Worshipping Love Cultist name is Sybil of thee Goats.
Take The Goat Worshipping Love Cultist Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Making Change

Making Change
Trying Something New Everyday

Change is good. Change invites us to grow, encouraging us to experience new things, welcome new people into our lives, and ultimately change frees us from the mundane.

Many people are not comfortable with change, preferring that every day be much like the rest. There are even people who may be miserable, yet reluctant to change. And, some people are actually afraid of change.

Still, regardless if we like it or not, change happens. As Buddha said, "change is the only constant." So, if change is coming, whether we're ready or not, it behooves us to accept change, even embrace it. Changing your relationship to change can greatly enhance your life, opening up new possibilities and challenging you to become a more open minded, interesting, and positive person.

To begin accepting and welcoming change in your life, start by expanding your comfort zone and making small daily changes. Here are some ideas to help you get started.

* Take a new route to work or school, perhaps even a new mode of transportation; take the bus, carpool, bike, even walk if possible.

* Eat new foods. You could try a different food every day; ethnic dishes, a fruit you've never tasted, a new drink.

* Everyday, make an effort to talk to a stranger, even if only to say hello.

* Wear different kinds of clothes. Try a color you never wear, buy a hat, some fun sunglasses, colorful socks, impractical shoes.

* Rearrange the furniture.

* Take a class in something you know nothing about; Latin American studies, Butoh, book binding.

* Try a new hairstyle; curl or straighten your hair, change your part.

* Don't watch TV for a day.

* If you drink coffee every morning, try tea, hot cocoa, juice, or hot water.

* Shop at a different grocery store.

* If you always shower, take a bath. If you always bathe, take a shower.

By taking baby steps in creating change in your life you have chosen to take action, and thereby declaring to the universe that you are ready for change. What changes will you make today?


***Yeah I knicked it from another list***

The Sun's Promise

Quietly she sat in the meadow, waiting. Soon the sun would makes it’s way through the darkness. Promises had been made to that affect. She had been promised the sun would shine this day. Pulling her knees up she rested her chin wrapping her arms tightly around her legs.

She started thinking back. How many times was this promise made? I heavy sigh escaped her lips. Looking around she noticed the plants were losing their color. That vibrant green was fading. The purple was more of a lavender color. The sky was still gray and unfriendly looking. It was as if the gray was taking the color from everything around her.

Shaking her head she stood and made her way back to her cottage. Inside was inviting. Bright and warm with the fire light the cottage was. She busied herself with her herbs, checking to see if some were dried. They weren’t ready yet so she sat by the fire with a book. She was so distracted by the sun not shining she couldn’t concentrate on her book. Busy work would keep her occupied for a while. She straightened her herbs, oils, well really the whole house. Night came and she went to bed. In her dreams the sun again promised to rise.

Waking a smile spread across her face. She stretched and rolled on the bed. This would be a good day, she said to herself. Her steps were light as she made breakfast. “I think I’ll take it outside and wait on the sun”, she said to herself. It was gray when she opened her door and she bravely stepped out into it. The sun would appear today, it promised.

The meadow was where she waited again, only to be disappointed one more time. Each day she noticed a little less color in the plants and flowers. She felt dejected by what was happening. Back at her cottage she could take no solace in the light from inside. It didn’t seem to burn as brightly anymore. That night she heard the Sun whisper once more, “I am here you just can’t see me”. She answered, “Then how do I know you are there”. There was no response.

She lost count of how many days it had been since the Sun spoke last to her. Every day she went to the meadow and every day there was no Sun. One morning while eating her breakfast she saw a brightness outside she had not seen in ages. She hurried outside to stand in the warmth of the Sun only to find it disappeared as quickly as it had come. She screamed her loss to the sky. The next day she again went to the meadow to wait for the Sun. After a couple of days she decided the Sun would never return. Her anger was growing inside of her. She sat in the corner not worrying with anything in her life. She just sat. Not even tending her fire and slowly it was dying out. This time the Sun made it’s promise in her waking time. She held the words that she wanted to say for fear that the Sun would not show. All she could do was bow her head and say yes.

The next day she added some wood to the fire which had almost died. The fire struggled but was burning brightly again. She smiled and said yes today is the day. The Sun will make good it’s promise. It wasn’t to be on that day. Again disappointment was hers. She screamed to the sky, “Why does the Sun make these promises and then not do so”? The sky didn’t answer, it was only gray. Back to the cottage once again and she didn’t know if she could take this or not. Was there a lesson she was to be learning in this? Why was this happening? She shook her head and sat quietly in front of the dying fire. Should she even bother keeping it alive? A small voice inside of her could only say don’t lose hope.

Georgia Langley
11/9/2004

The Rock invaded my dream

I was in a field with other people. Though most of these other people were not really anything to the dream other than just being there. This field stretched out and went up a hill. I'd say it was between a hill and a mountain. I say field because there was only one tree that I remember. It was a big old tree. I know there were three of us. Me another woman, who I never saw and a man. The man wasn't in the dream much at this point but he was there. He was up by the mountain part and told me to go get the car. So I went down and told the woman that he wanted me to send the car up there. She said something about the car but I don't remember what.

I turned to the car and started talking to it and it was bouncing up and down on something similar to stilts. It raised itself about 10 feet up in the air and I kept talking to it and it lowered itself back down to the ground. I told it what the man said and it took off on it's on to go to the top of the mountain. I was very proud of this for some reason. I then started back up to the mountain. There were a lot of people climbing the mountain. It was like a place for tourist. I didn't get the feeling of spirituality in this place. So the man asked me where the car was. I looked up and saw dust coming from higher up. I said I guess it thought I meant you wanted it on top. I knew the dust was from the car trying to climb this mountain. He kind of laughed saying something funny about the car. We saw it and waved it down to where we were. It had taken on more of a pet personality by this time yet it still looked like a car.

We climbed around on the mountain like other people were doing. I went through this opening and was all of a sudden in a new subdivision of homes. I heard a recording saying that this was a christain neighborhood and no one else would be allowed in and the colors that could be used were 6 of the most popular colors. All the houses were made of brick and were in browns. I started walking and looking through the area. There was no grass. There was only asphalt. Down one lane they were having a sermon, telling how great the christains were and how no one else deserved to live. I just kept walking and wondering if these people could really be so closed minded. I got to the other end and there were a bunch of adults watching all of this and when the sermon broke up they all began to cheer and the children were running towards them. I began thinking that we needed to doing something similar. Something where like minded people could live close to each other. I wondered back through the rocks.

Slowly the landscape took on more of the feel of bleachers. People were sitting down like they were waiting to watch something. I was walking around still with this car in my mind. On the top of the bleachers were make up mirrors and a lot of chairs. It was like being inside of a place for actors to get ready. Now this is where I had to kind of laugh. The Rock (wrestler played in Mummy II The Scorpion King). He is a big guy. So people were milling around on this level and I looked down and people were just sitting and talking.

Somehow I got talking to the Rock and he was pretty funny. This woman with two children showed up and left her boys standing outside the bathroom. The youngest was horrible. The Rock and I were talking about it. The older boy was well behaved. Somehow I wound up taking control and making the little boy behave. I emotionally shook him and told him to behave or else. He did and his mother showed up and was talking about how well behaved he was. I remember thinking she was fooling herself. Somehow during a short period of time I was holding this child and he began a baby. I'm talking a new born. She was telling me not to let him go to sleep because he would be out of sorts. I was trying to get this baby to sleep. So then I was trying to wake it up.

So then a bunch of us decided to get in the boats and head down the river. I said I'm very familiar with this river. I said that I could do it blindfolded. I warned everyone that there was one bridge that we would go under that was dangerous. There was something that flew there that would attack people. We went under bridges and one that was like a tunnel. As we came to the one that was dangerous I handed the Rock the baby which all of a sudden was a thermos. I told him to guard it. Some how the things got it and I made the Rock go after it. We got all the boats to safety and then I got on one of the boats that was enclosed and stood quietly under the tarp so the bad things couldn't see me.

That's when I woke up.

One Adam Twelve, One Adam Twelve, see the lady at...

Ok, so some of you may not get the title. That's fine... Life will go on.


I mentioned a while back that a house on our road was burglarized twice in two weeks. I had noted a huge white van on the street that was just suspicious and that was before I was aware of the happens a few house down from me. Well I was sitting inside Saturday and lo and behold there is that van again. I watched it go down the street and then waited for it to come back. It finally showed up. It stopped in front of my house and then the house next to me. I watched it go around the corner and decided I'd go get the tag number. Then I changed my mind cause I'd have to find my cell phone and pocketbook not to mention my shoes. So I sat down to watch a movie. Ok fine it got the best of me so I hopped up found everything except the shoes and took off. This van must have been stopping in front of everyone's house because I caught up with it at the end of the street. So I whip in behind it following too close so I could get the tag number. Almost ran over a curb as I was putting the number into my phone. The van turned right and I followed. I decided I didn't have enough gasoline to follow very far so I pulled up beside the van to see who was driving. A female, olive complexion, black hair, dropping face. So I make a mental note about her looks and hook a U-turn and go back to the house. Then I think well I don't know who the detective is on the case so I call a buddy and inform him I'm Tom's ex-wife. Funny how Tom has tried to keep that from our police buddies... Bubba is surprised and is happy to help since I am alone. No he is just a good guy. So he find out who the detective is and phone number and says give them a call on Monday. So this morning I do just that. The detective is rather surprised that I had as much information as I did. Kind of laughed at me for pulling up beside her to have a look. hehe

A little later one of the other detectives on the case calls to verify the tag number. How sure are you the tag number is correct? I say well I was tailgating to get it. I'm 100%. He laughed. It seems that tag isn't coming up on record so he has to go about it a different way and just wanted to be sure.

So my civic duty to my fellow neighbors is done for the day.

Reading FtE's discussion made me start thinking on Mike. It was good and sad. I smiled because Mike offered to come over here and kick Tom's ass for me. lol I thought of how serious he was about the offer and I couldn't help but laugh to myself. He was a sweetheart for making that offer.

I miss having him to talk to. He was the only one that I opened up to but he only got a little bit of it. He made me feel good and if I didn't want to talk about it I could distract him with another subject. I'm starting to think that runs with the males in his family. lol

I do have good memories of Mike. Also FtE, he's been a good friend. He sells himself short too often. He shouldn't, he is a good man.

IT'S ABOUT GRIEVING eight important stages

I got this from a list and it just haves good information in it.


IT'S ABOUT GRIEVING eight important stages

Many years ago I was privileged to participate at a conference on
alternative healing at the University of Arizona in Tucson.

The two featured speakers were Andrew Weil, MD and Dr. Elisabeth
Kubler-Ross. A handful of us were asked to lead discussion groups
after the main speakers. Group leaders and the main speakers met
both before and afterwards to appraise the conference. I came away
with an enormous respect for both Andy Weil and Dr. Kubler-Ross.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's work on death and dying is still the major
work in that field. In the field of grieving; counselors of all
sizes shapes and background use the sages of grieving as put forth by
Elisabeth. Some people use a five stage outline. As I became
thoroughly indoctrinated by the master, herself, I prefer her full 8
stage program.

It is worth repeating in full. Even in full it is short. I
encourage you to print it out to save for future reference. Grieving
comes not just at the death of a loved one or friend. Loss comes in
many forms.

I have been grieving not only for a bitterly lost election, but more
important, to me, a grieving for an America remarkably removed from
an international code of morality and functioning that has us
despised, feared and alienated from the rest of the planet. The
arrogance of America's new aloneness in the world community does,
indeed, have me grieving.

The Eight Stages of GRIEF & LOSS Courtesy of Elisabeth Kubler-
Ross

NUMBNESS and SHOCK
The body's natural defense system insulates us in the initial stages
of a threatening situation. We may run on "automatic pilot", and
later not even remember what happened when we first encountered the
bad news or loss.

DENIAL
We may experience disbelief. "That this is not possible . there must
be some mistake . you must have the wrong person, the wrong medical
records . that can't be true ."

PAIN and ANGUISH
As the truth sinks in, as the numbness fades, we may feel deep pain,
stomach cramps, feel like we can't breathe, like our heart is
breaking, a raw knot in the center of our being, a sense that we will
die or never be whole again.

ANGER
We may get angry at the messenger who delivers the news, the doctor,
the person who caused us this pain (even if that person is now
deceased), at anyone we can hold responsible for our grief, even at
God.

BARGAINING
We may try to negotiate the situation, either with another person
involved, or with God: "Please give me one more chance and I promise
things will be better . I will change . if you will reverse this,
then, I will _______________ in return".

DEPRESSION
When we realize the loss is real and unchanging, we may sink into a
deep sorrow. We may feel guilt, remorse or regret. Whether or not
we have a terminal illness, we may feel our life is over. Some may
consider or attempt ending their lives.

ACCEPTANCE
If we can come to terms with the reality of the situation, recognize
it as a now fact of our lives, and gradually let go of the struggle
against the tide, we can move beyond our suffering and find peace
within ourselves, even with our new circumstances.

HOPE FOR THE FUTURE
Acceptance of the reality of current circumstances can lead to a
renewed hope for a future, even though different from the one we used
to imagine. Even those facing a terminal illness can call upon
spiritual beliefs about the future, or help loved ones accept their
futures without us.

Some of the wording and punctuation is fragmented and unusual. This
is copied directly from Dr. Kubler-Ross. Her Swiss upbringing and
education is apparent.

Dreams

Last night a only remember snippets of my dream.

I went back for a visit (not sure where). I went into this building where there were people I knew and there businesses were there. I know there was a healer there because I remember seeing him working on this person. There were different types of healing that he did. I remember seeing someone else and I talked with her while I was sitting and waiting for the healer to be finished. Outside the building windows I saw the ocean. It wasn't the fimilar ocean though. This water was not from my home land. I sat there waiting on the healer and he left the room for something. When I woke up I was still waiting.

The night before:

I was at something like a festival or show of some kind. Outdoors. I was walking around talking to people and started talking to a police officer. We were having a good talking talking and started talking about guns. We were comparing guns and the one he had was off. It was like an automatic but the ammo he had was too small. So we were laughing and he asked if I wanted to see his horse. I said yes of course and we went into the barn. We walked up to this stall and the horse wasn't realy friendly but wasn't mean either. He said he would get him out so he went in and was trying to rope the horse like it was outside. I was thinking no wonder your horse doesn't trust you. He finally got the horse and brought it out. I noticed that the horse had curly hair on it's back and was a red dun. When he brought the horse out it changed colors. It was in between a buckskin and a palomino. I was petting the horse when a large blaze started developing. If I could draw well enough I could draw the blaze.

I woke up then.

Dark Times are Good.

Today is a new day. The day is crystal clear and there is a nip in the air. These are the times that make me go towards the dark side of my thoughts. I'm easily moved to dark thoughts. I'm not saying these are evil thoughts becaue dark does not mean evil.

Darkness of times, the dark side of the wheel. Time to go inside of myself and discover what has been hidden there for so long. We shall see where this leads me.

Ok, so it's not completely dark but it leads me and I go willingly. Actually I go ahead of the exactly time as I have never been one to follow as I've been told. My clock is different and that is what I will follow.

Stolen from Anna's LJ who stole it from somewhere

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal...along with these instructions

ok, I have 4 books stacked on top of each other next to me on the sofa.

1) In England the whole power of the State was not at first behind these persecutions.

2) Likewise, 29/11's need to work through enough of the issues of 2 and 9 before they can fully tap into the creativity of the double 1.

3) See Casting a Circle with Hands, Feet and Objects sidebar for other suggestions.

4) Page 23 on the fourth book is blank. lol

Goddamn!

I just sat and wrote this huge blog and the mother fucker had some kind of fucking error.

Yeah I pissed off and not just about the blogger thing either.


I'm annoyed now and am not re-typing it.

Michael went and helped Tom the other night and came back feeling pretty good about spending time with his dad. They were going to go get their hair cut today. So Michael kept asking me about where this place was. I have no clue where it is but know the road it's on. So I gave him instruction how to get there. Well then Matt calls about having someone who wants to buy his old BMW. He ask the title and I say yeah and then say well Michael can take it to the hair cut place and get it signed for you. Matt says Dad is in Dallas. I argue with Matt cause Tom was suppose to go with Michael. Matt tells me again. So I try and call Tom and he refuses to answer the phone. I sent him a nasty message>

"Stop fucking lying to me Tom. I don't give a shit if you are going to see Dallas. I am however pissed off that you keep lying. You said you would never lie to me. I will never trust your words again."

Then I talked to Michael and found out he told Michael last night he was going out of town. Lying bastard. So I figure that he told Michael not to tell me. So I told Michael I didn't care what his dad said that when I asked him for the truth he should tell me. Michael was so exciting about spending time with his dad and then he runs off to Dallas. Fuck his sons, it's all about Tom the lying bastard.

"Another thing Michael was excited that he was going to get his hair cut and that you were there. Why don't you just keep throwing Michael over for someone who isn't your blood. Bastard. I'm so pissed off at you right now. Don't call me again unless it's about work."

THat was my second text message to him. Then he tried to call so I hung up on him. I changed my answering machine message to.

It says something along the lines of We can't answer your call right now. To leave Georgia a message please press two. TO leave Michael a message please press three. If you need to leave Tom a message call him at his house.

It should be interesting when he gets that message. You know two things pissed me off today one that he lied and got Michael to lie and then to through Michael over like he was nothing. Son of a bitch. Lying mother fucker. I hope his plane crashes and he is the only one killed.

2nd Go Around

I had two choices of colors. So here is my element just changing the color.




Earth. You're a typical case of 'the more, the
better'. Collecting is your strong point, but
listening too. You will not easily show
emotions, but will try to help, as long as you
get something back for it in the future, but
either it be friendship or a gift, that doesn't
matter to you.


What is your element?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Element Are you?

Water. Whatever you do, where or when, you do it
with all of your heart. You listen to your
heart and all of your emotions are true
non-acting. Friends are very importent to you
and you will do anything for them. You're the
most dreamy of all 4 elements.


What is your element?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm still feeling off. I explained it to Branny last night this way. It's like going to work and looking down to find you have two difference shoes on. It's nothing huge and serious, it's just off.

Tom came in the office yesterday and took his computer to his house. Of course he forgot stuff. So he called me and asked if I'd have Michael bring it to him. I have no problem with that because I don't want Michael not knowing his dad. So Michael stayed and ate dinner with Tom and Matt. I had to call to find out though. It doesn't bother me but I didn't want to cook dinner for Michael too if he wasn't going to be there. So Michael had a good time.

Yesterday Tom was in the office he told me he has read two books since he has been gone. I sat there and looked at him and said. "You? You read two books?" He grinned and said yes. I said I didn't know you could read. LOL I was being a wonderful smart ass. He said he read some book and I don't remember what the title was. He said it was really sad. It sounded like a chick book to me. I said I've never heard of it. He said it doesn't have to do with Wicca. I said I read more than that. He truly has no idea what I liked. There were times I'd be reading a really great book and he would complain because I was ignoring them. I was sitting in the living room with them all while they watched tv and I was reading. When they spoke to me I answered. I'm not sure how that's ignoring. I guess it bothered him that I was doing something I enjoyed.

I'll be cleaning out more stuff this weekend and loading it in Tom's trailer. I figure if I pack it he'll have to unload it before he can use it. lol If I leave this up to Tom he'll not move his stuff.

I hate going through stuff because I get so easily sidetracked. I start looking and then have to go through stuff. If I find pictures I wind up going through all of them remembering the time and things. I find old papers and goff into a different time. LOL I'm terrible about that. I get so nostalgic.