I feel a huge shift in my life has taken place today. There is something that tells me I'll be alone for a while. It makes me want to say that there is no hope in life... and I would say that yet I know that will not be the end of the world. It doesn't make it anymore desirable. Nor does it make me want to go through that time. Re-reading this seems to sound so dramatic!

It's all true, the feelings. The feelings of loss, of loneliness, of the lack of hope. Even if only momentarily and often. I'm having my feeling of being a hermit again. I'll be sneaking over to Pixie's for a supply of mead. So get busy you two... ;-) OR cases of mead may be left at the cave door.

I've been reading Natural Magic by Doreen Valiente all day today. Right now I'm in the weather magick part. My mind went easily to the UK as she tells of the old sayings. I see how these saying are very useful.

The Sex Magick section was very interesting. Puts a different prespective on things. Made a lot of sense actually.


I decided to take a nice long hot bath earlier. I was feeling good until that point. I put on some music and reclined in the tub. It's a great tub... Plenty big enough for two people. So I started meditating and things went to hell from there. Emotionally that is. I started crying, sobbing is closer to the truth. I don't remember any of the meditation though. I just wanted to slip under the water and not come up. I did duck under to get straightened up. The wall when I came up was wavering. It kept wavering for several minutes. Then the room fogged up. This is after the bath had already gotten cool so it wasn't the hot water.