Daily forgiveness

"As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind."

-- Isabelle Holland

We cannot avoid daily resentment and thoughts of guilt. They are a part of human nature. What we can do is release their grip on us. We can forgive others and
ourselves daily.

Forgiveness requires nothing in return. There are no conditions. It gets rid of old baggage and clears up unfinished business. It leads us to a life of authenticity, lightness and directness. Forgiveness is the highest form of letting go of resentment and ego.

True forgiveness is more than an apology,understanding and acceptance. There is an element of recreating and re-imagining. There is a need to envision ourselves as more loving, interdependent, courageous and compassionate. Forgiveness requires
honouring the sacred journey of learning about life - our life and others'.

"Whatever we have done, we can always make amends for it without ever looking back in guilt or sorrow."

-- Eknath Easwaran


(C) Reproductions Permitted:
http://www.higherawareness.com

The Wolf
You are protected by the great spirit of the Wolf;
a stalwart seeker of truth and justice and
adament hunter of those who oppress and
depress. You value truth and honor above all
else, protector of the innocent and defender of
the weak. Your quote: "All that is gold
does not glitter; not all those that wander are
lost"


What is your Inner Spirit Totem Animal?
brought to you by Quizilla

Karen Bishop wrote:August 29, 2004
Change "In Form"

Greetings!

As we prepare for the first phases of the New World, there is much to tell.
Edginess, short tempers and frustrations, and feelings of stress and pressure
abound, as at a higher level we are feeling the energies of great change.
Energetically, things are beginning to move around, to take different places, and
to be placed in a wonderful space of "realignment"... all in readiness for the
changes to come in October. As we are now "on the airplane", having closed the
hatch and left all the factions of the Old World behind with no turning back, we
are now getting ready energetically for the "landing". There is much "scurrying
around" energy taking place at higher levels (which usually manifests at the
physical level in different ways), as the preparations for the New begin. So much
moving energy is causing the shortness of tempers, edginess, and stress, but as
always, will pass.

We are moving into the time of the "changing of the guard", (from the darker,
denser energies to the energies of the light) to finally manifest into form. All the
preparatory work has been greatly completed through the cleansing and purifying
(especially in these past four years), and through the incredible support of our
planetary alignments, as well as our individual summoning for a higher way of
being. With the latest Venus Transit energy bringing in the New foundation of the
energy of the feminine, to serve as the New air that we breathe and the New way
of being and relating, all we needed then do was to make our own individual
decisions at the soul level, as to whether we would choose to stay and create
and experience this brand New World, or to move into another experience better
suited to our soul's needs. At the same time, there were still the last minute
preparations to be made at the highest levels, to ensure that this New World
arriving would be as stress free and painless as possible. This last phase took
nearly the entire summer months (here in the U.S.) to complete (from May
through August), and we were very tired and weary, with all of this "barely
moving" energy! All is now ready and we have all decided at the highest levels
(including the planets!) that the time is NOW to move ahead with the plan.

Yesterday I received an e-mail regarding the planetary alignments that greatly
supports and helps to explain this great phenomenon that we knew was coming
in October. Energetically, it has appeared that this time of October will bring in
those "back-up" booster engines that will greatly assist in bringing the New World
and New ways of being into form. It couldn't have happened until now, as the
temperature had to FINALLY be right to support this NEW BEGINNING at all
levels and in all ways. We are literally about to be "reborn" all at once and as a
group. We are "starting over", going back to scratch, have given freedom and
release to all our parallel selves, cleansed and purified ourselves, and now are
ready to create something completely New. Will this happen immediately, all in
October? No. This time will bring in the blueprint and start the process rolling.
As mentioned many times, this process will probably take a few years to
complete, will occur in waves, and many will be in different stages of its
evolution, but this October planetary alignment will give a great push forward,
and assist in turning everything upside down (or rather right side up). Most
lightworkers are here in this space Now, already ready to go, as we agreed to go
first. Having experienced all those "going through the tunnel" ascension
symptoms, we are now ready to assist all those who will arrive in waves after us.
And know as well, that as the ultimate creators, our input and vibrations are
vitally necessary for this process to unfold. As well as holding the light, we need
to make our individual contributions through our passions, joy and creativity.

Before I ramble any further, here is the extraordinary information contained in the
e-mail from Jan and Johnny Mirehiel (which is the astrological viewpoint of this
next step):
"This October, there will appear, in sequence:

* A Grand Quintile (Star/Pentagram) pattern,
* A solar eclipse,
* A total Lunar eclipse and
* A second Grand Quintile pattern,

all within the span of 28 days. Dubbed as the Harmonic Concordance II,
astrologer, Jill Whitman, has told us that
such an extra-ordinary sequence has not happened during the 2,500 years that
she has extensively researched. It is a rare planetary performance. Of
further interest is that the two Grand Quintiles are astrologically related
to the Grand Sextile of the Harmonic Concordance chart." In addition, this
sequence of planetary happenings contains the energetic earmark of bringing the
New into physical form. A vital piece for creating the New World and at the
perfect time to do so. For more information regarding the Harmonic
Concordance II and how and when you may support these energies, please visit
their special site at www.harmonicconcordance.com . As Source energy is ever
abundant, and we are all one and aspects of Source, know that we have infused
our energy everywhere and share it accordingly. Our beautiful planets are a part
of us, as we are all in this together, creating in Unity, the New World.

During the next four months, much will occur. Remember when we were all
complaining that it seemed like there was NO energy moving for the last few
months? It is during these "down times" that we are almost always aligning,
integrating and especially "resting" for some big changes and movement ahead.
We needed such a lengthy down time, because it coincided with the substantial
push and changes that will begin creating the New in the months to come. As
these changes begin to manifest in the physical, we will see some turmoil.
Although all precautions have been taken at the highest levels, the last vestiges
of the darkness will not want to leave without a fight. But this time they are being
removed at their core and by their roots, never again to have a position and
foothold in this vibrant, light filled world that we are about to create. There will be
uprisings and what appears to be conflict. But know that there are many in
pivotal places who have just been waiting, unable to speak and show their true
colors, who will now come forth, greatly supporting this New way of being and the
New regime. We will want to be discerning at this time, and go deep into our
own personal knowingness to discern what and who we resonate with, and what
we believe is the highest truth and road to follow. Many will come to the forefront
wanting to lead, but not all will be of the highest. And as we all know, WE are the
leaders and the creators. Each and every one of us. We only need follow
ourselves and EXPRESS ourselves to be in perfect alignment.

One year when I was in contract with the Easter Seal Society, I had the
responsibility of introducing a severely disabled youth, confined to a wheelchair
and unable to speak, and with limited cognitive abilities, to a Junior High School
setting. My job was to integrate him into the social and academic arenas of the
school, while gradually allowing the staff and students to take over the
responsibilities of his education and social interactions and activities. The
principal and school counselor told me that this could not be done. They firmly
believed that young people at the junior high school level did not have the
emotional and mental capabilities to open themselves to this kind of situation. It
only took one month. This student became the "cool" one to hang around with.
Over forty students met each week to discuss who would take turns pushing him
around to his classes, assisting him in gym class, and having lunch with him.
Each week I gave out an award to the student who shared his/her special gifts to
assist with this process. One student felt so good about himself and the service
he had provided, that he improved his grades, got off the "detention" list, and
even got to go on the school-wide field trip to the beach. The teachers did not
believe in this young man and that he had and could change. With some
"lecturing" and "prompting", even they became believers. In addition, the
disabled student who had been the hub for creating all this change, began to talk
and actually went to his first dance, escorted by all his classmates. As these
changes begin to occur on the planet, everyone will become believers. Those
who may be hesitant or not open, or have not really experienced much shifting,
will eventually be swept away by the predominance of light and by the exhibition
of the New way of being that will be occurring. People we never thought would
change will begin to change, as all the energy will be going in the same direction.

Many are having some vivid and strange dreams. They seem to be indicators
and guides to where we are headed and that all has a remedy and will be OK.
These dreams are telling us what is going on. After this push into the New
occurs, many will be feeling that they want to go "deeper" with their spirituality
and in the way they work and teach. We seem to be encountering ways to bring
in more Source energy, through our bodies and our beingness, as soon we will
be incredible guides and teachers of light. We will teach and assist with great
love and compassion, and it will feel as though we are from another world, or
another reality, here as human angels. Our connection to Source will be very
strong.

Three years ago, my leg was crushed in an auto accident. The surgery took
three times as long as it was predicted and my hospital stay was over twice as
long as predicted, with some added complications. Being so highly sensitive to all
the procedures and medications, and with the complications, I didn't think I was
EVER going to get out of there (I had lost a lot of blood and it was touch and go
for awhile). One day, after discontinuing all medications, I was able to get in a
wheelchair, get out of bed, and finally go outside. As I sat under a group of
Aspen trees, I cried and cried with a sense of relief that I cannot describe.
Seeing the blue sky again and feeling the air on my skin felt like a true miracle to
me. Most recently, I have felt like a deep crying is wanting to emerge. It is not
the crying of release or sadness, but the crying of deep relief and gratitude. Yes,
the time is finally near. We have finally made it. We have done our jobs well and
assisted this incredible planet with making the Shift of the Ages.



Are you ready to create the New World? Are you ready to share
your contribution through your passion and joy?

I thank you for sharing in my joy of being me through this energy alert. Many blessings,
much peace and incredible joy in these miraculous times,

Karen

Our Reader's Question:


I did not imagine this phase of my transition would feel so shocking and
disorienting. I have been and still am experiencing many of the ascension
symptoms that you and others list, including at present a very exaggerated loss
of memory, exhaustion, as well as serious mental fogginess and a sense of
meaninglessness that I have not had before. It is increasingly difficult to do my
job as so many of the skills I have relied on are eluding me, and yet I feel scared
about moving on as I have no idea what I would do right now. I feel stuck.
Would I benefit from "holding on" a bit longer at this job? We are still having to
deal with money. So much of what I am reading right now talks about the
increased access to our passion and our ability to manifest, as well as potential
to create the life we choose. My dilemma is that I feel disconnected from my
passion and unclear as to what I even want to create. Because I do not have a
sense of what the new world will look like and the old is fading-I am clueless. I
suddenly have no idea what my gifts are, what would feel joyful, what are my
passions-Everything I thought about these things in the past seems so much less
applicable now. How can I move out of this feeling of stuckness-in my job etc.-if
I do not feel inspired around what to create? With love and respect, M.

Karen:Dear M.,
Many are feeling as you are, with no motivation, confusion, and a loss of passion
and desire for what we once thought we wanted to do. It is all a part of this
incredible process of evolution. Know that the "ascension symptoms" will pass,
but are also an indicator of your movement into a higher way of being. Would
you feel better leaving your job, or does it feel better to stay there for awhile
longer? There is no right or wrong answer, as it is all a matter of what makes
you feel the best and gives you the most sense of comfort. When we are in this
particular phase, it is because we are "rebooting" so to speak and in more than
one dimension at a time. This would not, therefore, be the best time to make
your decision about what you want to create, as you are not all here. When you
come out of this space, and you will, your passion will return, and you will, in
addition, be a different person, which will assist you in your clarity about what it is
you wish to create. Know that we all seem to be taken care of, and no one
seems to end up in financial ruin and homeless. We knew this process would be
challenging, but we are being supported at the highest levels and we will be OK.
If you can TRUST that you are loved and watched over through this process (as
we don't seem to be able to do much ourselves!), it really seems to help. I have
seen this at the higher levels, and we have so much love, protection and
assistance now!
Much love to you and know you will be better than ever in no
time.
Karen

Sherri: Dear M.,
I understand your feelings of "stuckness" and disconnection with no
clarity or inspiration to guide you. There are many of us who have been
feeling like that for quite some time now, wondering when the "fog" will
lift and our path will become more illumined. I can tell you from personal
experience that I went through a similar phase thinking there was no end in
sight. However, I am finally now very clear as to what I want and need to
do on this journey called life. The phase had its ups and downs but during
the up times I knew that step by step I was being led or guided as to what
to do next and when.

The thing to remember as you are waiting for that first glimmer of
clarity to present itself is not to make ANY major life decisions and to
keep yourself grounded and occupied with things you enjoy doing as much as
possible. There are several other things I can recommend that you do during
this "waiting" period. First is to spend some time each day (morning and
evening/bedtime, if possible) in light meditation or deep breathing. The
practice I have been using while deep breathing is to just sit comfortably
and as you inhale, envision energy running from your feet up to your crown
with the intention that all your chakras and all your cells are being
cleansed or cleared out. And on the out breath envision the energy running
back down from your crown to your feet. Just keep the cycle going breathing
comfortably and easily. You'll be surprised what 5 minutes twice a day can
do for you and I wouldn't do more than 20 minutes at a stretch if you have
more time and are so inclined. Another thing you can do is to affirm
mentally or on paper, "I know that my path will clearly be revealed to me
when it is time to take the next step." Then list all the things in your
life at present you can think of that you are grateful for. Being in a
state of appreciation is a way to lift your energy level and your vibration.
Even if you can only feel appreciation for things like the fact that you are
alive and breathing, you have clothes on your back and food to eat, etc.
helps to put your focus on something positive. The more we can appreciate
and keep our vibration or energy level up the more we stay in a place of
connection to Source. And being in a state of connection to Source is when
inspiration can and will come to us. I always wait for inspiration to take
any action steps. When you are inspired it always "feels right."

The bottom line for all of us is to continually find ways to feel as good
as we can and to trust that our path will be shown to us when it's time for
us to move forward. Know that we each have our own timeline and the
universe in its infinite wisdom knows best and is taking care of the details
for us. Soothe yourself as much as possible, pamper yourself when you can
and if possible try to find some humor in each day. When feeling low I
jokingly always try to play the "What could be worse than this?" game. I
make the "worse" thing always something outrageous and as silly as possible
to make myself laugh. Feeling lighthearted and laughing about life whenever
we can is a great elixir. Also, please remember that we are all powerful
creators and some of us are just taking a little R & R waiting for the dust
to settle and things to fall into place for the next exciting chapter on our
journey!


Wishing you many blessings and Incredible JOY,

Sherri

A Native American Prayer

Mother Earth teach me stillness as the grasses are stilled with light.

Mother Earth teach me suffering as old stones suffer with memory.

Mother Earth teach me humility as blossoms are humble with beginning.

Mother Earth Teach me caring as the mother who secures her young.

Mother Earth teach me courage as the tree which stands alone.

Mother Earth teach me limitation as the ant which crawls on the ground.

Mother Earth teach me freedom as the eagle which soars in the sky.

Mother Earth teach me resignation as the leaves which die in the fall.

Mother Earth teach me regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring.

Mother Earth teach me to forget myself as melted snow forgets its life.

Mother Earth teach me to remember kindness as dry fields weep in the rain.

I took the Royality Quiz

You are a Queen!
Beautiful, Wise, Strong
Righteous, Commanding, Humble


You are the beautiful and compassionate Queen. You are the epitomy of what every woman should be. You are confident, bold, aggressive, smart, womanly and feminine. You know the right thing to do and do it. You command respect and earn praise. You are moral and loving. In times of trouble, you draw strength from within, and are a source of strength for others.

I took the Which Women of Beauty are you quiz that Corey has on her blog. The coding on the quiz is off. So I just copied what it said.

You are a Forest Beauty!
Peaceful, Calm, and Quiet,
On the outside at least
But hidden within you is a
Rich complex personality
With many sides, capable of
Many aspects of the self!

I got this in my inbox today. It made me think and made some sense so I decided to put it here.


Saturday, August 28, 2004 (received January 20, 2001)

Daily Quado:



"Get wet. Allow yourself to experience life. Allow yourself to take risks, have adventures, gain knowledge through experience. Jump into the river and be one with us here."



Note from Carrie: Today's message was retrieved from the Quado archives, back from January, 2001. I hope you enjoy it.



The Message:

When you are confused and do not know which way to turn, when your life seems unsettled and uncertain and what you want above all is certainty, is a decision one way or the other, is to leave the state of limbo, when you are feeling this way, you must remember that in this state of limbo, in this state of uncertainty, is when you will find all of the glorious opportunities which are there for you.



Life is a river, and you are floating within it, on it, in it, part of it, moving, flowing, always. There are times when you have settled companions around you. There are times when you have banded together and built a raft, a raft so large and apparently permanent that you think yourselves safe. You feel invulnerable. You are with a group of people and you have all agreed to some common theme. You have, perhaps, built a great corporation on a raft. And since, at this time, this part of the river is smooth and quiet, so smooth and quiet that you have no sensation of movement at all, now you feel, at last, that you have found certainty, you have found safety, you can rest for a while, simply building another story on your house on the raft, building an entire city, linking yourself up with other rafts, until there is a giant structure, all full of like-minded people, all seeking safety and security, floating along on the placid, deep-running river.



But all of this is illusion. The only thing that is real is the river. That is all that is real. And the raft you have built is made of matchsticks, and will fall apart at the first stretch of rapids. True, from time to time you have encountered a rock, deep and wide, which has caused problems on your raft city. You have all run around frantically, repairing the damage, shoring up the sides, and then floating on. Perhaps weaker, perhaps even stronger as a result. There are also times when you have a great collision with another raft in the river, and these times are trying indeed. And your whole life is focused on this struggle, the contest with the other raft, the struggle for space and superiority.



But still, through all of this, all of this that takes up all of your time and energy, the only thing that is real is the river, and the river flows. It flows on relentlessly, taking all of your years on this earth along with it. And while you focus your entire life on the raft, on the structures you are building there, on the contest with the other rafts, the river flows.



And ahead, perhaps, is a fork in the river. And at this point, your raft makes some sort of choice, led either by the group as a whole, or more likely, by the captain or committee which steers your raft. They choose a fork in the river and a part of your fate is sealed, sealed by this choice in which you had no part. And now, as you move down the river, you begin to hear a new sound, the sound, the roar, of rapids approaching. For the river flows, and you must flow with it. And as the rapids approach, perhaps it is an acquisition pending, perhaps it is a corporate breakup, perhaps it is illness or divorce which disrupts, as these rapids approach, you suddenly see the truth, you suddenly realize that you have spent your life building and maintaining a raft of matchsticks, thinking that it was permanent, thinking that it was solid, putting your faith in your leader, allowing yourself to be propelled through your days.



And now, the danger is upon you. And now, you must realize for once and for all, that anything can happen. Anything at all can happen, and the only thing which you have which makes any sense is your knowledge of the river.



Yes, there are times when you must jump in and get wet. There are times when you must realize that this raft will not make it, and you will do better off in the water on your own. And when these times come, do not despair. Do not spend all of your time, clinging to the raft until the last moment. Do not spend your time bemoaning your fate. Instead, look around. Look around and see what else there is in the river. See if there are rocks which you might cling to for a while, which are actually safer than this raft. See if you can find a way to survive for a moment in the water while you study it and learn it.



For if you had spent your life focusing on the river instead of the raft, this would not be an issue. If you had spent your life focusing on the deep water which is the flow of life and love, then you would already be wet. You would have full knowledge of the river. You might have even chosen a different fork in the river, instead of allowing someone else to make this crucial choice for you.



Go into the water of love and knowledge. Life is love and knowledge, and everything you wish to know is here. Get wet. Allow yourself to experience life. Allow yourself to take risks, have adventures, gain knowledge through experience. Jump into the river and be one with us here. Dip down, down, down, down under the turbulence and far under the rafts which float above. Dip down and experience the flow, the true flow of the true river. Begin to realize that you can stay here for long periods of time. Begin to realize that it is possible to keep a part of you down here in the river, sensing its flow, even as you participate in some amount of raft building.



If you will but come beneath the surface, jump off of your rafts and come below, you will find wonderful creatures here. Some are other people who have left the rafts. Some are creatures such as I, that cannot be seen above the surface of the water, who exist only underneath its turbulent surface, calling out to you from time to time to join us here.



Deep, deep, to where there are hidden underwater caves, places of great mystery and beauty. Deep, deep, to where the true safety lies, where the true beauty lies, where time disappears in the glory of simply being, being one with the flow.



Down to the place where you suddenly know and feel who you really are, and realize that the raft is nothing, the raft is illusion which disappears in the blink of an eye, but the flow, the river, and your companions in that flow are all that is real.



Down deep to peace, peace so deep and still, that the flow of the river no longer matters, for all is one at the same time, and all is one in the same space, and time has no meaning and space has no meaning and all is oneness and peace, peace and love in the flow. This is deep. This is there, there at the bottom, in the deepest of the flow.



You can reach this place of utter peace. Complete peace, complete love, complete knowledge, complete oneness with all that is. Come down here, come here often. And then, when you surface again, bring with you the memory of this peace, of this place of peace, and carry it in your heart.



Realize that it is all that is real. The rest is illusion built of sticks. Safety is an illusion, for all who are in the water are already safe, for their home is in peace and love. Security is an illusion, the safety and security of the raft, for there is nothing more secure than the embrace of the loving water.



Feel the love and the oneness, the ultimate peace and beauty of life. Get wet all over with it. Jump in and swim. Dip down. Experience. Come in, the water's fine.

Elder's Meditation of the Day - August 28

"With prayer and good intentions, we make our lives sacred and so come to balance."

--Don Jose Matsua, HUICHOL SIERRA MADRE MEXICO


Only through prayer can we make spiritual changes that are permanent. You have told us that all life is sacred. Today I intend to serve you, my Creator. Allow me to overcome temptation, and if one comes along, let me see the lessons that will give balance. You have told us that all life is sacred. Let me see today with a sacred
eye. Let me see beauty in all things.


My Creator, let
me know what
You would
have me be
today. Let my
intentions be
honest,
respectful,
humble and
loving.


To unsubscribe, visit:
http://www.whitebison.org/meditation/subscribe.php

The Scotsman
words and music by Mike Cross


Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize

Hookey Pookey!



You put your right hand in. You put your right hand out.
You put your right hand in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out.
You put your left hand in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your right arm in. You put your right arm out.
You put your right arm in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your left arm in. You put your left arm out.
You put your left arm in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your right foot in. You put your right foot out.
You put your right foot in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your left foot in. You put your left foot out.
You put your left foot in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your right leg in. You put your right leg out.
You put your right leg in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your left leg in. You put your left leg out.
You put your left leg in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your right hip in. You put your right hip out.
You put your right hip in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your left hip in. You put your left hip out.
You put your left hip in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your head in. You put your head out.
You put your head in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

You put your whole body in. You put your whole body out.
You put your whole body in. And you shake it all about.
You do the hookey pookey, and you turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

Kass,

Just wanted to answer your blog... I see you over there trying not to wave your arms around. Everything will work out. So don't worry too much. Plus I'll see you in October. *kisses* The blog is fun isn't it? LOL So relax and just say what's on your mind.

Self Talk


I found this interesting and thought I'd share it with you all. I loved the Chinese Proverb. I heard something similar to this on a movie the other day and thought wow... That's so true. I have the thought that Sean Connery said it in one of his movies.


Self talk is revealing

"If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words."

-- Chinese Proverb

What passes over your lips each day?

Are your words typically negative, critical, gossiping, deceptive, illusory, justifying, blaming, manipulative and argumentative? Are they more
uplifting, inspirational, positive, questioning, beautiful, loving, universal, truthful, accepting and supportive?

The throat is our center of expression. Who we are sneaks out in our attitudes and in what we say.

"Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs."

-- Pearl Strachan Hurd

"The wise weigh their words on a scale with gold."

-- Bible

Explore and deepen your feelings and thoughts. Go deeper and reach higher as you find the right journaling tools that work for you. Get clearer and make better decisions by journal writing.

(C) Reproductions Permitted: http://www.higherawareness.com

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Golden Slumbers
by The Beatles



Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby

Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby

Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby

All You need is Love
By The Beatles


Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy

Nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

There's nothing you can know that isn't known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

All you need is love (all together)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Love is all you need...

You never give me your money
You only give me your funny paper
And in the middle of negotiations you break down

Yes, I've been in a Beatles mood for a while now.

Today was really great. I went furniture shopping with my sister. Since Tom is getting the bed I needed a new one. My sister had seen one that she thought I'd like. Of course she was right.... damn Virgo... They are always right. LOL So I got a new bed, dresser, chest, and mattress. :-) I'm so excited. Matt is picking it up for me tomorrow. I'm so happy. This will be my bed.. no yucky energies left from the marriage as it died. :-)

My sis and I had lunch at the local mexican restaurant... Which was quite yummy. Life is good and back to normal.. Well almost. I still need to put the suitcases up. LOL Oh and clean the bedroom up. *snort*

TESTING

Ok Bex told me I have to stop running around the Grove I'm knocking things over. hehe... Personally I think it was the cats... You know how they are! The beasties get on everything. When you catch them they run so I'm blaming it on the cats. ;-)

Thought I'd check out the new blog and see how it looks.

Good Day Sunshine
by the Beatles


Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

I need to laugh, and when the sun is out
I've got something I can laugh about
I feel good, in a special way
I'm in love and it's a sunny day

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

We take a walk, the sun is shining down
Burns my feet as they touch the ground

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

Then we lie beneath a shady tree
I love her and she's loving me
She feels good, she know she's looking fine
I'm so proud to know that she is mine

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

"Shine On You Crazy Diamond (I-V)"

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom,
blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter,
come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!
You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,
rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!


s h i n e o n y o u c r a z y d i a m o n d ( p a r t 2 ) - p i n k f l o y d

nobody knows where you are, how near or how far
shine on you crazy diamond
pile on many more layers and i'll be joining you there
shine on you crazy diamond
and we'll bask in the shadow of yesterday's triumph
and sail on the steel breeze
come on you boy child, you winner and loser
come on you miner for truth and delusion, and shine!

"Get Over It"
~The Eagles~
Hell Freezes Over

I turn on the tube and what do I see
A whole lotta people cryin' "Don't blame me"
They point their crooked little fingers ar everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your momma's too thin; your daddy's too fat

Get over it
Get over it
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if I gave you some cash
The more I think about it, Old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't want to work, you want to live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing

Get over it
Get over it
If you don't want to play, then you might as well split
Get over it, Get over it

It's like going to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick, but I call it weak

You drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
Complain about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass

Get over it
Get over it
All this bitchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

Get over it
Get over it
It's gotta stop sometime, so why don't you quit
Get over it, get over it

I wanted to wait a couple of days before I wrote about Mike's passing.

I've said that I thought Mike would be surprised at how many people's lives he actually touched. The truth is I think he is there in the Summerlands smiling saying I touched all the lives I wanted to touch. I feel like he knows that we would all want to morn him but he had left us with a piece of him that told us that to celebrate him was so much better. He wanted us to know it's ok to do both but in the end to be happy. Being happy was so important to him. He taught many of us lessons and fulfilled his needs for this time.

I read the memorial page to him this morning. I shed some tears but you know, he really touched so many of us that it's hard not to. As I continued to read I began to smile and my heart felt lighter. I realized how wonderful it was to know a person like him. Someone that made you want to mother him, and keep him safe.

I get the feeling he is sitting by his river understanding just how wonderful it is to be home. To relax for a while. Planning for when he comes back. I bet a part of him wishes that it was important enough to give FtE a hard time about him being more knowledgeable. They were really cute together.

Yes I will miss seeing his words, however I love knowing that he touched my soul.

Entrance
Dana Gioia

Entrance
(After Rilke)

Whoever you are: step out of doors tonight,
Out of the room that lets you feel secure.
Infinity is open to your sight.
Whoever you are.
With eyes that have forgotten how to see
From viewing things already too well-known,
Lift up into the dark a huge, black tree
And put it in the heavens: tall, alone.
And you have made the world and all you see.
It ripens like the words still in your mouth.
And when at last you comprehend its truth,
Then close your eyes and gently set it free.

~ Dana Gioia ~

(Interrogations at Noon)

Soul Group

A while back Mike asked me why the things that happened to him had happened. I since I always look for a lesson I started there. He was having a hard time putting together what kind of lesson. So I started telling him how a soul group would work together. How they would agree to take on some terrible job to help the other one learn. He said do you think that is what happened to me? I said I hope so Mike cause I wouldn't be able to understand how someone could do the things done to him. He said he would think on it.

So this morning when I woke the following was in my inbox. I think that Mike was telling me he understood now.


Article contributed by David Law of the Meru Foundation

Spectrum (British Wheel of Yoga) Summer 2002

There was a soul whose time had come to take a human birth, and so it went to the great cavern in the infinite void where all such souls went. In the cavern were hundreds of thousands of souls, each manifesting as a small blue flame.

When its time came, the soul stood up and said "My time has come to take human incarnation, for I have work to do and many lessons to learn. In my life as a human I shall need family and loving friends to help me, to love me and to nurture me. Who will be my friends and family on earth?"

A ripple flickered across the thousands of flames and shortly a few stood forward and said "We do not know you, we have not met before and are strangers' but being kind and giving love is a pleasant and easy task. We will be your friends and family on earth."

The soul spoke again and said "And on earth I shall need teachers. People to guide me, to correct me and to discipline me. Who will be my teachers?"

Again a ripple went around the assembled flames, and a group came forward and said "We have known you in other lives and we have grown to respect and like you. We will take on the task of being your teachers in life."

And a third time the soul spoke and said "And on earth, if I am to learn the greatest lessons of all: the lessons of humility, tolerance under provocation and love to those who hate me, I shall need enemies. I shall need people to hate me, to abuse me and to do violence to me. Who will do this for me? Who will be my enemies?"

There was a long pause in the cavern until, at last, a small group came forward and said "We are your soul group. We have known and loved you over aeons of time and your growth and learning are as dear to us as our own. This is the most delicate and difficult of tasks and if you are to be hurt and abused, it were better done by loving friends. We will be your enemies on earth."

I was going to leave out part of the Glastonbury trip where things got all pear shaped but it’s been brought up and I’ll give the story from the other side.

After the group kind of split up going their own way and Jo and I were off playing in the streets, we went back to the Blue Note. The Blue Note trip in the morning was said there were innuendos thrown around. I was sitting there also and did hear the others involved in it. I was sitting next to Trevor and heard him say something to Mab and I and that was it. We found Aud and Ian there. They were so cute and had been fairy dusted. Aud had bought fairy ears and so had Jo. They were both so cute with them on. J We sat waiting for the others and I believe it was Aud who said the others had gone back to the camp. We all agreed that we wanted to stay in town and goof off. So that’s what we did. Now when we were in the G&P the night before we had been invited to the moot and at that point they all kind of nodded in agreement but later recanted. I wanted to go because well I thought it would be very interesting to hear someone speak about faeries and see how these people interacted with each other.

As to be ignored, you that were there know the shop is a small space and not everyone can get in there at one time. Not only that but don’t forget when you put out nasty vibes about people they can feel them too. I had ignored those vibes because one at first I wasn’t paying attention and secondly figured they would work themselves out. Didn’t realize it was going to be done so in the way it did. No he wasn’t leering at us he was selling merchandise. We laughed and talked he told us about the folks who supply him with merchandise ect..

I don’t know about the grabbing from behind because I wasn’t there so I can’t say one way or the other. I’m not taking anyone’s word on what happened or what the intent was.

So I spent the night with my brain trying to figure out how to go to The Chalice Wells, the Tor and the Moot. My brain malfunctioned and I went to sleep instead. So the next morning while we were shopping I started thinking about it again. Finally I told Jo about it so she figured away of working it all out. I was satisfied with what she came up with. So then I felt everything was back in order. Off we went and shopped. Time got closer to when we would go to the Chalice Wells and we needed to get some bottles for water for Corey. So we went back to Trevor’s shop got the bottles, some oils, and Mab and I both bought a pendant. Being Jo she said she would take the stuff from the earlier shopping trip back to camp so it didn’t have to be carried. My stuff fit in my purse so it wasn’t a problem and I held the bottles for Mab. I had waffled on a couple of oils I wanted and wanted to make sure that I had them so while we waited on all the others to get there went back to the shop. Got there and one of the oils was gone and I laughed saying I shouldn’t have shown it to Mab. I didn’t however ask if he had anymore because I didn’t think about it. LOL So Ian came to tell me the others had come and were walking up to the Wells already. I was in the process of paying for my stuff and Trevor said go on I’ll get the money from you later. I thanked him for that and went off. I got to High street and the only person there was Aud . So Ian and I asked and she said they went on ahead. Personally I thought that was a little rude (actually we all thought it was a bit rude) but then again I didn’t know how far or how long it would take to get to the Chalice Wells. So off we three went after phoning Mab. She said go on and I’ll catch up. So here we go hoofing it up High street we saw a woohooer, which breaks down to a drunk guy woohooing in people’s faces as he came to them. We kind of laughed at it and when he got closer to us he straightened his body, nodded and said Good afternoon. LOL I guess we were more, intimidating or serious looking than the other people. We were giggling cause he got past us and started woohooing again. So now we are getting tired of trying to catch up but know we have to get there before they close. We asked for directions as none of us knew where we were going. A nice man told us and how far. I think that fellow had a problem with distance. LOL So we got there and there was 5 minutes to spare getting into the Wells. The nice elderly lady told us that they usually let people stay for a while even after they closed. So we begged and pleaded she wait for Mab. Ian phoned her to find out where she was and she was really close. I did the southern thing and got her to agree a bit and then Ian went over and sweet talked her the rest of the way. So Aud and I took a breather and I took a couple of pictures at that point. I heard Phoenix and went to tell him we were waiting on Mab and she should be there any minute. Oh and we had already paid for Mab to get in and the nice older woman came and said she would give us back the money. That’s when Ian went to work. Aud told her to no keep the money one way or the other. The woman was quite happy with that so I think maybe Aud had a little hand in keeping that gate open a bit longer. Finally we all get there and put our feet in the water. That is some COLD water. Everybody warned the bottom was slick so there was a lot of caution used. So I got all my necklaces, including my new one and held them in the water. It was nice but the tension was thick. I decided to just let that alone and relax. One particular person was extremely nasty in her vibes. You would have thought I peed on her tent sometime in the night the way she was acting. I look at it this way. I didn’t have to be around her. So I wasn’t. That didn’t change throughout the rest of the trip either. Let’s say that was one person that truly surprised me in their actions. I now as far as I’m concerned she no longer exists. If she reads this she should pick her name up. I knew Kate was acting a little strange but I wanted her off by herself to talk with her. I don’t like outside influences when I trying to talk with someone one on one. Too many things get in the way then. I figured when we got back to camp I’d get the chance so didn’t push. I think that’s when Trevor showed up. Now I don’t know maybe it’s a southern thing but there is something about being polite that was lacking. Then who am I to say who people like or dislike? So they all made a hasty retreat and I had to get my stuff together. Now in the background there is a lurker, a spy if you will. Staying hidden leaving me feeling like, well, I was being watched and a much used word leered at. No it wasn’t Trevor. I brushed it off as I’m on vacation and don’t want to deal with those kinds of feelings. The others had moved on to the Well and I purposely stayed back to keep the two groups apart. I figured they could have their well time unworried. When we finally showed up She will no longer exist was pushing out some really heavy negative vibes. Pretty immature to do in such a nice place. Thanks for tainting the energy. So we sat down and did some meditating. I have to laugh as Mab tried to sneak of picture of me… Silly woman you forgot to take the lens cap OFF! LOL so I saw the group up on the next level before I did my meditation and was trying to keep track of them. Obviously it didn’t work. I finish get a picture taken there and say Where is everyone? Now see when I’m with a group I do several things. I keep track (normally) of where everyone is by listening for them. I scanned the area and didn’t see them so I listened and didn’t hear one thing. I honestly didn’t know there was any more of the area left to explore. I didn’t ask either, I was just interesting in keeping them in sight at the least. I still had that being watched crap that I hate so much. It usually puts me in a defensive mode and I’m looking for a weapon. Yeah, that kind of being watched feeling. So I asked and we don’t know where they went. So I figured like before they took off to the Tor. What did I have to judge on what they would do? They took off to the Wells without waiting. So I said great my feet are hurting I’m getting blisters and now I have to hump it to catch up with the group. So I say come on Trevor you know the way to the Tor. So we take off and again he shows me some stuff on the way. There was something really great about being in a pasture. LOL I don’t know how to explain it but it relaxes me. Maybe because of my childhood. So I’m getting into this calm feeling which was very different from what I had just been through at the Wells. As I was walking I felt again that eye upon me. I brushed it off as I didn’t want that to interfere with my calmness I had now. So after numerous stops up the Tor which of course I turned into history lessons, thank you Trevor for doing the history we got almost to the top. Trevor said I see Kate. I said it’s not fair you’re taller than me and all I can see is dirt and grass. Grins I kept saying I don’t think you saw Kate cause I don’t see any of the others. He swore he did and we searched the top for them. Now knowing the negative feelings that were going on I thought well maybe they had claimed a spot somewhere. Nope, then again I complained that I busted my ass to get up there fast so we wouldn’t be so far behind and they weren’t there. Now I’m thinking did they change their minds about climbing the Tor? So we looked around and I was told more about the land. Then I felt him… I turned and there comes Andy up the Tor and I don’t see the others. So I go over to say hey and asked where everyone else is. That’s when I started seeing the others. Now I’m laughing at myself thinking about hurrying up the Tor to catch them. Twice on this trip I hurried up to catch them to only find they were behind me. I was interested in seeing that the ones who had trouble with heights made it. I was happy for them because after being up there I would have hated that they missed it. So we finally sat down, definitely two groups. They sat with their backs protected and we sat on the grass getting blown in the wind. The sunset was very pretty but what got me was the sound of a shot. In a bit Trevor pointed out his yellow cloud on the horizon. He explained they were blasting over there and that was the noise. He explained about the water having been inland and what was above ground then and so forth. I enjoyed listening to him tell that and the fact that there was pride in his voice about the area. I started getting cold. I know I laughed at the others for thinking it was hot when they were setting up the tents but well I don’t do cold. LOL I had my blankie but was still freezing. I was glad when the others were ready to go down. We all went down together and that last bit of the way I was making sure that Juell stayed on her feet and not her face. She is so funny. We got down and I’m thinking I need a bush… I’m dying to go to the bathroom… It’s a pasture for Gods sake… You think the cows are going to be offended someone went to the bathroom? I was told no don’t go here there’s a pub close by. I was doing the pee pee dance and really didn’t care if the others had gathered or not. So Trevor agreed to escort me to the nearest pub, but he said he wouldn’t go there. So I said fine then one you would go to. I figured he is from there and knows better than I. So we started off and Jennie came saying she needed to go. Cool…. So we are off and Trevor is usually a bit of ahead of us as we are laughing about the bushes we are passing. We made it to the first Pub on High Street. Jennie runs in and I go in after her. Now I saw a sign that said basically no drink, no loo. My conscious got the better of me so I decided to wait. So I go back outside and sit down on the table that’s out there and wait for Jennie. She comes out saying something like did you go? I said no I’d wait. I’m past that point of no bladder control so we continue down. We are walking and talking. Not one time was she ever told to go back to the others. Not ONE single time.

About the moot thing. Yes Trevor did tell them the moot would be over cause it was. After the moot it had been explained to then twice that a lot of the people stayed and drank and could stay as long as we wanted.

So now they’ve all said again they were going to the moot. That had been settled. So we get to the pub and my first question is where is the bathroom. I hadn’t been so happy to find one in a long time. I’m in there mumbling to myself about how wonderful these places could be. Hehe I come out and almost get literally run over by Jennie. She is going 90 miles an hour with I didn’t know you and Trevor had anything going I’m so sorry that I interfered and I’m blinking like a deer in the headlights cause well she caught me off guard. I’m still thinking Oh what a relief it is… and here she comes. I said it’s ok Jennie don’t worry about it you were more than welcomed to come with us. She says are you sure? I said of course. We go back out and get our pints and go up stairs. Right before we got our pints Jennie was talking about how she loved meeting new people and that she’d talk to anyone. LOL So we got up there and sat down and the lady that works with Trevor was there so I started talking to her and Jennie started talking to this other lady. As we were all talking things seemed to be ok and then I noticed the others all hadn’t shown up. I remember seeing someone standing at the door but not sure exactly who.

Now this is the point where there was so much lack of communication and I’ll call it what it felt like to me down right lies that things sunk. Next thing I know Jennie is saying they want to go to the G&P instead. I said ok… let me finish my pint and I’ll be right there. She said are you sure and I said yes. I had only had two drinks out of that pint. It would have been rude to not drink the pint after saying I wanted one. So she says ok we are going over there. I say fine I’ll be along after I’m finished with this drink. She smiles and goes. I’m back to talking when again I’m told we are going to the G&P are you coming… Yes, AFTER I finish my drink…. Ok… so I drink it faster. I don’t like to drink fast, it annoys me. The point of drinking to me is to relax not see how freakin fast you can drink. So now the voice in my head is nagging at me about how hard is it to let someone drink a pint. How many times do I have to say When I am done with this pint I will be there. So I finished it and before any thing else happens here comes Mab. The look on her face tells me more than I want to know. I feel it well up inside of me. I’m thinking what the fuck NOW! I just finished the damn pint. Trevor says spill it. So we move to another table and Mab starts going through the “groups” fears. I’m listening and getting really pissed off. Not because they were concerned for me I appreciated that and knew the ones who were concerned. Thank you. It was the other stuff. The more she talked the angrier I got. I finally said I told you I wanted you to meet Brian and by god you are going to meet him. Mab looked a little stunned but knew that I was getting in a snit so she said ok.

Now when she started telling what was happening she got to the part about going to the G&P. The story that was told down stairs wasn’t even close to what had been said. That is what set me off. I was accused of ignoring Jennie. I didn’t. I responded to her in the same fashion too many times. I don’t like people telling lies about me. It was a lie and pissed me right off. Then other inconsistency were relayed. So Mab met Drew also and they had a smoke together and came back in. Then we went and Drew tagged along. The group was sitting at the same table we first sat at. I wasn’t sitting in the drain your energy seat of the window seat, I learned that lesson. So I stood got another pint and now I’m looking around at these people thinking how much my eyes had been opened to group dynamics. And also how people only heard what they wanted. Pissed me off even more. So I realized Drew didn’t know any of the others and did introductions. Each and every person that was there. They all looked like I was going to say something nasty about them. What I said about each one was true. I left out any negative thoughts I may have had. Those didn’t need to be shared. I finished that pint too fast. The group said we are going back. Now you see this is where my rebellion came into play. I’m 43 fucking years old. I’m a very good judge of character. I know that not everyone is going to get along. I have no problem with that. However, when people start treating me like I’m a child it annoys me. So I decided to ride back with Trevor. He and I got back and talked for quite a while. He tried to get me to calm down but the more I thought on it the more annoyed I got. He left and I headed to the camp. I was feeling pissy and annoyed and any other negative you can think of. I wanted to go into the camp and call every lie out for what it was. A lie. I wanted to make those people who had lied feel like crap for doing so. Ruining a perfectly good day. Then the side of me that makes me think steps in and says ok they say they were worried then why didn’t they come to you instead of huddling like a bunch of hens hiding from the rain? So I decided that ok if that’s what they believed then they probably thought they were doing right. However I knew they were wrong as to where I was concerned. Now the night was really pretty the moon was out and there was plenty of natural like to navigate the whole place. So I stood for a moment and listened to their tones of voice. I didn’t like what I heard so I said fine let’s go walk. Two things you are going to need the potty a lot and you can’t go into camp with this much anger. So I walked and saw all the new campers that had popped up while we were gone for the day and noticed how much nicer the RV section was. Meaning the road beds and stuff. They had some really beautiful trees over there in that section. So past the bathroom a couple of times and went a few times. I go in and before I come back out I hear Kate and another person not to be name because she no longer exists. I’m thinking I could sit here until they are gone but decide I’m feeling defiant and go out. Kate gives me the mom look which made me giggle inside and the other well I won’t go there. So I started to follow them back to the camp. The little negative one was more than I could take so I continued to walk. Call me over observant but I hear and see everything and expect everyone else to be the same. I was wrong. So I walked and walked. I started back to the camp a couple of times but every time I got too close I felt that negative energy and so continued to walk. I had a stone in my pocket that I rubbed the entire time I walked. I had to ground that poor stone and me a few times. I watched as the clouds moved in and thought of calling up a storm I was so angry. I thought to myself it wouldn’t be right to do to the other campers. So I walked. I was throwing so much energy out that I woke up a poor baby, so I started to shield a bit to keep that from happening again. I stood again and looked at the camp and felt the Morrighan with me. I saw the black robes swirling around me and the hounds on the ready. I knew at that moment that I had better keep walking and release this energy. I was ready for a war.

So that is when I was spotted as I passed by again. I mostly walked the little dirt road because the grass was so wet with the dew. I went into the grass each time I started to go back to camp. I saw several people from other camps making their way to the bathroom. Funny thing is I noticed how unaware of their surroundings they were. So I was spotted and really hadn’t the niceness to feel like company. I started to avoid them again but figured what the hell. I didn’t understand the flashlights though. There was more than enough light to see everything around you. When I was grabbed by Mab. At that point her hand touched me I blocked the rest of the world out. I didn’t need spidey sense now. I continued to walk dragging poor Mab along with me. I was starting to feel really guilty about making her walk with me when it was time to make a pit stop. So I go in and she knows how angry I am and gives me the space I need. She knew I wasn’t drunk but she told the others I was cause she didn’t want any words being crossed. As mad as I was I would have said hurtful things and then I would have felt guilty about it. Cause that’s the way I am. I avoid saying anything in anger cause you can never take it back. Being a Cancer we always will remember the hurts. We can forgive but never forget.

So I saw Aud in the bathroom and she made me cry. She is such a sweet and loving person that the care and sadness in her eyes did me in. Then I felt horrible that I cried and made her cry.

So we go out and talk. The more we talk the more I see a pattern so I do what I need to do to stop the niggling voice that feeds peoples fears. I’m anger again but now I can focus and let it out.

Kate for the record it wasn’t you. I love you and understood your part when I had time to think. It was some others that I was mad at and you and Phoenix didn’t deserve to be hit with the anger I felt. J As far as who has or has not posted…. Maybe they need to look within themselves and deal with some demons they felt. It does happen sometimes. I for one and glad you have stayed. Sending out energy even love… well I for one can cleanse energy and like you never turn down free energy. ;-)

As for the one needing help with nightmares if it’s who I think it is… telling her to quit sending out her little negative crap and it will stop. It’s simple. I hope she does and realizes sometimes you don’t have to take sides. Well really if it’s who I think it is I really don’t give a crap, she doesn’t exist.

Now, that’s done… I was never mad at anyone in the beginning I was mad at the situation. Then some had to go beyond the truth, them yeah I’m annoyed with. Kate and Phoenix not in the least. I thanked Phoenix for being protective and I do appreciate it. I just wish if there is a next time that we are ALL (including myself in that) adult enough to talk to each other instead of around.

I'm sorry I haven't finished my post on my trip but haven't felt like it right now.

I will shortly but not today.

Today I'm sad and I'm in physical pain.

Tom's new house?

Yeah he is looking and put a contract on a house. I'm writing this because well I don't understand.

This house is a french provincial. He fell in love with this house. I think it's ugly. So he has argued with me about that. He took pictures inside and brought them back to show me. I still don't like the house. It's ugly outside and just ok inside. So yesterday he said come with me and see what you think. *sighs* Fine... So we went. He took me through the house and it is obvious he likes it. I told him I still didn't. However if he liked it that was all that matter.

We went down into the lower level of the house. It was nice but still didn't give me cause to like it. He had to go back up stairs so I wondered around. There is room for a pool table and then this really pretty room. I liked this room but you know how you get that look this way feeling? I turned and looked down this hall. I felt it. This woosh and it freaked me out. I stood there frozen for a moment trying to remind myself I'm a witch and can handle this. It didn't work. I backed out of the room and forced myself to walk out of the lower section. All the way out I was saying no no no.... shaking my hands. They were tingling like crazy. I felt it behind me as I left. I got up stairs and got outside. I grabbed hold of an oak tree and tried to calm myself. I couldn't very easily. Tom found me outside and said what are you doing. So I had to tell him. He of course scoffed at the idea and we went back down stairs. I didn't feel it as strongly cause I had my shields up this time. Tom thought I was being ridiculous. I just wanted out of there. So we got outside and he asked what I thought of the house. I told him I didn't like it before and I really didn't like it now. He got very defensive and said no one has died or been killed in that house. I said I didn't say that. So what is it he demanded. I said I don't know. Then how do you know? I know because I felt it. What is it then? I don't know I'm not to that point that I can tell I just know it not good. He said I was being ridiculous, I said fine can we go? LOL

Now he thinks that I just don't like the house and that's why. I can tell you there was something there and it's nasty. It's just not my kind of house. Don't like it at all. I just don't get why he wants my approval on this house. He keeps pushing me to accept it. I don't like it at all.

Ok, I'll continue now...

Jo started calling putting on her posh voice and trying to ransom me for mead. The deal was that they would personally bring two bottles of mead... of course we planned on keeping the one who delivered the mead too. ;-) So anyway, Jo was calling and got accused twice of having a fake British accent. So we had a great time. The last call was to Cerr and Jo had falling into Black Country so much that even Cerr couldn't understand her. LOL So I talked with Cerr told her that Phoenix was weak. He was laying on the futon and said I'm not weak I can still hear but my eyes are closed. *giggle* Finally I hung up from Cerr. Jo was out on the bean bag and phoenix on the futon. I staggered to my room, giggling... I was up bright an early... Washed up the dishes and cleaned up a bit. I figured it was the least I could do for what they were doing for me. :-) Kate fussed lightly at me for doing it and then Phoenix said I didn't have to. I told him and Kate I didn't mind and it was just a thank you.

So it was really great spending time with all of the folks. I had so much fun just talking with them. We had great conversations about the differences. The differences in words was a lot of fun too.

Then dear sweet Froggie was suppose to show up but his car had other thoughts. So he didn't make it when he was suppose to but made it the next day. It was so good to finally meet him in person. He was larger than life. Wonderful person. A very dear man. I'd have taken him home with me but I couldn't figure out how to get him in my suitcase. :-D So he stayed the night and the next day he took me off to some nice country. It was so relaxing there. I could have stayed there for days and just enjoyed being with him and nature. We walked and stood in the middle of a grove and felt the energies. I got him to tell me what different trees were and we talked about the trees at my house. I got to see my first rowan tree. :-) I just love trees... I always feel like I need to touch them. Then we went out into the field and walked through the heather. I was gifted with a nice sprig of heather which I took back and gave to Phoenix and Kate. Just felt right. We got drizzled on but very little. We sat on a bench in the field and I talked a little about Sassy which made me cry... I took some pictures and we started walking again. We decided we should get something to eat but missed the food at the pub. So we had a drink and then headed off to find food. We had a bite to eat then back to the house. I really enjoyed spending my day with him. Then night time, I swear there just weren't enough hours in the day.

Now the moot was a lot of fun. I met Kel, who is fabulous btw. So we got in there and started the moot. Singe was funny and presented me with a Bravery Award. I'll scan it and see if I can get it to post here tomorrow. Andy gave Trevor the cutest little frog that he found at the store. It was really cute. Right there at the moot I ate Froggie... Oh you dirty minded people.. They were gummy froggies. :-D

Then we headed down to Glastonbury. It was really cool and exciting as we loaded up to go. We stopped half way and I was hungry so Trevor said we would grab a bite. Everyone was still there so as we stood there he told them we were going to get something to eat. At first we said we would sit down then changed it to we'd grabbed it to go and be right behind them. So off they went and we stood in line. Now I have to say that the popcorn chicken over there is very different than ours. Ours is mostly breading. LOL So that was a surprise that there was meat in them. LOL I have to say though our fries are much better. We decided to share the popcorn chicken meal. We went out and got in the car and hurried to caught up with the others. The funny thing is that Jamie had to stop for fuel and the others were waiting for her so we were hurrying to catch up with no one. LOL Oh well... So much for communications. *grins*

As we went, we had a great talk. I really enjoyed that. He told me about the area and I was pleasantly surprised when he took me and told me about the peat fields and how they took the peat. How they were starting to put trout ponds on them. We stopped and went into one of the fields. There were those wonderful huge hay rolls. Gods I love the smell of hay. I really do. I was leaning into it breathing in deeply. The smell took me back to my days with Sassy. I always loved the hay. So I had a roll in the hay. *giggle* Then Trevor headed me some peat and I loved the way it felt in my hands. He showed me some wild herbs and explained about why the willow trees were cut to make them bushy. As we started to leave I saw them digging the peat up and saw a trout pond. He drove through the back way I think but I so loved seeing the country up close like that. Having Trevor tell me about it was wonderful. So we got to the camp and the tents were up mostly. So I grabbed mine and Andy was sweet enough, and well knew I'd be lost on how to put it up... started showing me how to put the tent up. Trevor had to leave and go to the shop or something. So we got the tents all up and then decided to walk into to town. It was great but still hard for me to get my head around which way to look for traffic. LOL So we walked around a bit but got in too late to do any shopping. So we went to the George & Pilgrim for a drink. I was sitting with Kate in the window seat and felt like somebody drained all my energy. Momma Kate told me to go and lay my head down on another table and nap. Good thing she did or I'd have fallen over on her and drooled on her as I slept. :-D I was laying there drifting off and having some dream when I heard Trevor's voice. I woke up to see Trevor and another man. Trevor introduced him as Brian. He had told me about him so I knew who he was. Brian and I had a great talk and he showed me the different feelings of the elemental energies. That was great. Brian invited us to the moot and I wanted to go. So I was tired but the gang was hungry so I sat and talked with Brian while they went to eat. Then Brian had to go home and Trevor said the others would be back in 10 minutes. So I begged him to stay and talk with me until the others came back. Yeah I don't like being by myself that much. So they came back and Trevor left. We went up the street and got mead... then headed back.. A wild woman blew the horn at us and it was Mab, Aud and Ian. LOL She carried back the mead. We got back and they were putting up Ian's tent. I have to say here that Ian is such a wonderful person... :-) So they got the tent up and Mab wanted to go into town. So I told her I'd go with her. So, Mab, Ian, Aud and myself went into town. Walked around and tried to figure out which store Trevor should take over for his new space. I was so proud of myself cause I remembered the way. :-) We went to the G&P and had another drink. It was a lot of fun. They finally made everyone leave. So we got back to the campsite to find everyone else had gotten tired and gone to bed. BUT they left the light on for us. That was really sweet. Finally we all crawled into our tents and drifted off. When we got up Andy crooked breakfast for us. He really does and great job cooking. I had a bacon sandwich... a vegetarian bacon sandwich. It was really good. Back into town we went. We ran into Trevor at the Blue Note and had a drink and we were off to shop... Of course I forgot to mention we were early and had to wait for everything to open. LOL So we were off to shop. I enjoyed the window shopping a lot, then headed to Trevor's shop. Of course if I'm spending money I wanted to spend it with a WGer. So that's what I did... I loved his store... Just like I said though I show up and so do others. LOL I guess that's good for him though. :-) So We got to meet his jeweler neighbor.. Nice man... Walked around and walked around....

More tomorrow... :-)

Leading up to the trip I was so excited. I was having some trouble sleeping but wasn't sure if it was because of the excitement or not.

Thursday was the day I was to fly out. I was nervous and had gotten packed the day before. I pretty much ran around like a chicken with my head cut off until it was time to leave. I've never been anywhere by myself. Tom said he would drive me to the airport so that was a one thing I didn't have to worry about. Michael went with us to the airport. I almost teared up but went ahead with a brave face. I went in to the Continental Airlines desk to get my boarding pass. They tagged my luggage and weighed it. The limit for one bag is 70lbs and mine weighed 63lbs. I was glad I had taken some things out of my luggage. LOL So I get my boarding pass and walk over to where I drop off my luggage so they can xray it. The older gentleman there looked like he could do with a kind word. So I said hey to him and asked how his day was. Cranky bastard... shouldn't have said anything to him. So I went off to the terminal to the gate I needed to be at and waited. I grabbed a bottle of water and then boarded the plane for Newark. The ride was fine nothing really interesting happened. For that fact I'm not sure I got on the plane cause I don't remember that leg of the journey at all! LOL So I arrive at Newark and of course I have NO idea where I need to be so I asked someone that worked at the airport and he was a bit curt but I think it was just his way. I didn't feel like it was meant to be that way on purpose. So I was off again. Got to the gate and started noticing more and more people talking with weird accents. Then my brain slowed down enough to go oh yeah, these people are headed back home. So I got up went and got another bottle of water and some cashews. I sat down and in a few minutes the woman and her daughter came and sat down. I couldn't stand it any longer not knowing anything about the airport I was flying to so I asked them about where someone would met folks who where picking them up. They were really sweet and told me and then said everything would be fine. I must have had a terrified look on my face or something. The whole time I thought I was being rather brave. LOL

So it was time to bored and I got in line with the rest of the folks. Got seated and this sweet older woman asked me if it was too cheeky of her to ask to switch side of the plane. She was on the left hand side by the window and I had the rightside by the window. She said her left shoulder was hurt and couldn't lean on it. So I said I'd be more than happy to switch with her. She kept thanking me. I was starting to feel like I had given her a million dollars or something. LOL So off we go. The couple that sat next to me were really pleasant and we had a good time talking. I watched as the sun disappeared and the plane was noisy. Then it seemed like all of a sudden everyone got quiet. There I was unable to sleep. Nervous and restless. I tried to sleep and finally gave up on that and decided to go visit Froggy astrally and bother him. I sure wish I could remember more when I do that. LOL So I was sitting there and got thinking about Michael and had to go give him an astral hug. Slowly I could see the horizon starting to lighten. I watched as the band grew taller. The people on the plane started rousing and the sun finally popped up. That was a beautiful thing to see. Such a brilliant red, so impressive but within a minute or so it turned to a hot white color that could burn your eyes out. They had the monitors down which showed the progress of the plane. I watched as we crossed over Ireland and started getting a really good feeling. I started relaxing a bit. There was this little boy who started getting anxious and crying and soon his mother brought him over to his father who was in front of me. I thought great... this is just what I need. It didn't take too long before he decided he liked me and started flirting as little ones do. So he and I wiggled fingers at each other until right before we got off the plane. I grabbed my stuff and got off wondering what would be next.

I wondered towards the immigration folks and the lady I got didn't have very much personality. Looked at me rather suspiciously. She started asking me question. Why are you here? I replied Purely pleasure. She looked at me and repeated the question so I repeated the answer. She raised her eyebrow. I started thinking what there is a problem with pleasure? Then she ask who I had come to see, how long I had known them, how I knew them... So I guess I answered her questions satisfactorily because she let me in. So I go stumbling through the doors and my eyes drifted to the right and I found the crew. All I can say is that when we saw each other I think we all beamed. Jamie was absolutely adorable. She was jumping up and down. So I get over there dragging my bags which I think really weighed a ton and didn't know what to do first. Everybody got a hug. Even Jason. He said you don't know who I am. I said I know but you're getting a hug too. LOL Aud was beaming, Andy was standing there grinning and Phoenix looked so serious. I liked his energy right away. Then we started walking and Jamie had this great idea. The loo... Thank the Gods... I needed it. No I didn't use the one on the plane. *grins*

So we came back out and stood there talking for a bit because of traffic. I talked to Kate and she was upset about not being able to be at the airport. I assured her it was ok that I'd be at her house. Then we were off. Those first conversations were great. I found out that getting a driving license of there is much more rigorous then here. A lot more expensive. I started talking and doing my normal investigation of vehicles around me. Started noticing the differences in styles and such. They had walkie talkies to use between the cars but honestly we couldn't hear very well what was being said. I was just glad it wasn't because I was having trouble understanding anyone. LOL They all made me feel at home right away which was really great. They gave me two presents at the airport and one was from Kate. I thought it would be nice to wait for her to get there before I opened it since she didn't get to come with... So we got to the house and I wanted to crash but I was just so excited about meeting them all I couldn't. Let me say for the record that Phoenix is a great host. I'll tell you about Kate's abilities as hostess later since I'm doing this on a timeline. :-)

So we were all there having a good time. I was enjoying listening to them and their energy. Kate finally got home and I just loved her right away. Then Jo called and did her babble fish thing. When she showed up I thought one of us would pass out. LOL She hugs great too. :-) So we all sat there and talked and enjoyed each others company. The next day I was sick, yep staying up all night Thursday night got me. I felt like I would die. I hate being sick. I hate feeling bad period. Anyway, so I got through that and felt much better. Then when we broke out the mead well... it got funny. Kate decided to be good and not imbibe. So there we sat and Kate rolling her eyes every one once in a while with good reason. Then Jo decided to start calling people.

I'll finish the story in a bit. ;-)

Yeah I know it's been a while since I blogged. I will try to get caught up. I'll write up the trip in another blog. Yep so be prepared for the good and the bad. I can tell you that regardless of any things that happened and I had a great time and think the world of Phoenix and Kate. They are wonderful people.