In My Life
There are places I rememberAll my life though some have changedSome forever not for betterSome have gone and some remainAll these places have their momentsWith lovers and friends I still can recallSome are dead and some are livingIn my life I've loved them all
In My Life
By Lennon and McCartney
This morning I had the radio on while I was decorating the tree and this song came on. A feeling of loss, of missed love, of other times flooded me. It took me back and I realized that even the men I didn’t truly care for hold a place in my heart. The thought doesn’t seem odd to me for I believe that we are always brought together with people from one reason or another. Maybe those that I truly didn’t care for had something they needed to work out with me. I don’t know. It could have been nothing more than souls connecting in this time.
Today it seems places in my past are rises up to remind me of something. This is not unpleasant but still it is hurtful. The ones I loved seem to have no lasting love for me. The ones I didn’t love seemed to love me. It wasn’t that after I found out they loved me that I decided I didn’t love them. I knew that from the beginning. I wasn’t running from love but I was running to what I hoped was love. Is it that the ones I loved burned out to quickly in a flame that was too intense for them? Or was it the intensity of the flame frightened them? I don’t know it could have been just sex to them.
Ah, the complicated world of love. There is never enough and sometimes too much. A contradiction in even the best of times. The word love should never be used unless it is really felt. There are those of us who have this rule and stick with it. Those who abuse it have no concept of how another may feel about it. I’m not a gushy love type of person because I guard it and hold it close to me. Though there is a part of me that would like to think I can be a free loving person.
Guard your love, and guard it tight,
For no telling which way the wind blows tonight.
A darkness sneaks in and takes it away,
And yet you knew it’d never stay.
You watch it as it leaves your life,
And wonder why there is always this strife.
Love is wonderous this is true,
But it can leave you feeling blue.
Is it worth your heart and soul.
To let in to watch it unfold?
Some would say yes indeed,
Yet I sit and wonder should I let it seed.
For it seems to bring to much pain for me.
There are a few who I did love with my heart and soul. Yet I found myself still left out and cold. Some still speak of love as if it still was the same but like the lyrics say “And these memories lose their meaning”. Love changes and yes the memories lose their meaning. It’s a bittersweet realization when it hits you really. You’ve both moved on but you still have that special place in your heart for the person but to you yours seems more real than theirs. Empty words they say to you, when they say I still love you. It’s not so when they have someone else in their life that has changed their world for them. It seems selfish to not be thrilled for them to have found someone they feel so strongly about. Still, it is what it is. Maybe you facilitated them being able to be together but it doesn’t make it better. Do I resent the time I spent, no not at all. It’s just sad is all. I don’t lose love well because I hold it so tightly. Maybe that’s part of the problem.
For all I know I will end up alone, it doesn’t mean unhappy, just alone. I think it would be safer for me actually. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about whether someone was being truthful or not. Of course then another part of me says but then you miss the love that is out there. I need time to work it out, but then all I have is time.
In My Life
By Lennon and McCartney
This morning I had the radio on while I was decorating the tree and this song came on. A feeling of loss, of missed love, of other times flooded me. It took me back and I realized that even the men I didn’t truly care for hold a place in my heart. The thought doesn’t seem odd to me for I believe that we are always brought together with people from one reason or another. Maybe those that I truly didn’t care for had something they needed to work out with me. I don’t know. It could have been nothing more than souls connecting in this time.
Today it seems places in my past are rises up to remind me of something. This is not unpleasant but still it is hurtful. The ones I loved seem to have no lasting love for me. The ones I didn’t love seemed to love me. It wasn’t that after I found out they loved me that I decided I didn’t love them. I knew that from the beginning. I wasn’t running from love but I was running to what I hoped was love. Is it that the ones I loved burned out to quickly in a flame that was too intense for them? Or was it the intensity of the flame frightened them? I don’t know it could have been just sex to them.
Ah, the complicated world of love. There is never enough and sometimes too much. A contradiction in even the best of times. The word love should never be used unless it is really felt. There are those of us who have this rule and stick with it. Those who abuse it have no concept of how another may feel about it. I’m not a gushy love type of person because I guard it and hold it close to me. Though there is a part of me that would like to think I can be a free loving person.
Guard your love, and guard it tight,
For no telling which way the wind blows tonight.
A darkness sneaks in and takes it away,
And yet you knew it’d never stay.
You watch it as it leaves your life,
And wonder why there is always this strife.
Love is wonderous this is true,
But it can leave you feeling blue.
Is it worth your heart and soul.
To let in to watch it unfold?
Some would say yes indeed,
Yet I sit and wonder should I let it seed.
For it seems to bring to much pain for me.
There are a few who I did love with my heart and soul. Yet I found myself still left out and cold. Some still speak of love as if it still was the same but like the lyrics say “And these memories lose their meaning”. Love changes and yes the memories lose their meaning. It’s a bittersweet realization when it hits you really. You’ve both moved on but you still have that special place in your heart for the person but to you yours seems more real than theirs. Empty words they say to you, when they say I still love you. It’s not so when they have someone else in their life that has changed their world for them. It seems selfish to not be thrilled for them to have found someone they feel so strongly about. Still, it is what it is. Maybe you facilitated them being able to be together but it doesn’t make it better. Do I resent the time I spent, no not at all. It’s just sad is all. I don’t lose love well because I hold it so tightly. Maybe that’s part of the problem.
For all I know I will end up alone, it doesn’t mean unhappy, just alone. I think it would be safer for me actually. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about whether someone was being truthful or not. Of course then another part of me says but then you miss the love that is out there. I need time to work it out, but then all I have is time.
