The Past is Past

A year ago today I came home from seeing dad in the physical for the last time. This day last year I came home and wrote how it was the first time I felt death around him. How true that feeling was. Tomorrow at 5:19 am was when I got the call. It's been a year, almost. It's strange but earlier this month it hit me that it was almost the anniversary of his death. I had to look up the date though. The time however is really stuck in my mind but the date was hard for me to remember.

Today Gay wanted to go to the cemetary and I really didn't but didn't want her to go by herself. Dad is not there and I really don't think going there means I love him anymore than I did when he was alive. I'm not a big believer in the cemetary being a place that shows how much you love the person that left. I think it's more of a place that people want to go to remember. I'd rather remember him at home picking on everybody. To remember his sense of humor. To remember how funny he was about his cars or animals. To remember his smile and that devilish grin when he was causing troulble. I want to remember his hugs and that can't be found in a cemetary. Today I decided that I won't be going back until someone else dies. Dad never went to the cemetary unless there was a family furneral he had to attend. I don't think he thought it was the place to be either. lol

I use to think dad was a little weird in his thoughts about furnerals but now I understand it. He didn't like flowers so he said he didn't want any. Make sense as they are a waste of money. He didn't want someone singing, because he would rather have a party. He didn't want people to see him after he was dead. I didn't want to have that picture in my mind either. I'm very against furnerals as it causes too much pain.