Matt's Computer

I've been working on Matt's computer for a while now. So today I get nosey and I'm going through everything on it. What do I find but my sister used it for her outlook express. See I had suspected that she had been down loading things other than what she said. She was calling me around this same time and kept telling me she would have to use the disk that takes it back to like when you bought it. She had done that probably 4 times in one month, She blamed Matt and James. I know it was her but I think now I know why this computer is screwed up. She did admit she was downloading on Matt's computer when it screwed up but she said it was Norton files. I doubt that very seriously. So I'm guessing she did the same thing to this computer she did to her laptop, the only probably was she couldn't get this working again. *sighs* I'm annoyed cause it took Matt's computer 6 minutes to start up. That's not doing anything but turning the damn thing on. It's a 2.4 gig, it should be tons faster than that!

Saturday

I've been cleaning carpet today. I have this great carpet that you can actually put straight clorox on and it doesn't hurt it. LOL I'm not kidding. Anyway I've been cleaning that carpet and now my eyes are burning. I don't feel real good. I was breathing the clorox too much.

I know it's stupid don't even look at me like that.

So I'm taking a break and letting my lung have some fresh air. I'm only half way done with the carpet too.

I'm going to make some brownies... I'll be back in a minute or two. Ok, I'm back brownies in the oven.

They are ready yet... damn... I WANT BROWNIES!

Ok, so I'm sitting here chilling out waiting on the brownies and watching Buffy.

HEY! It was clear earlier... Now it's overcast. dang it.

I'm done

There's a storm rolling in. I hope it's a storm that has a lot of energy in it. I need a good lightening storm. I'm ready for a fight now. This is the point past the icy hand. Now I'm at the point of looking to cut that hand from the arm it's extended from. I'm ready to stand in the middle of a storm that would clear the earth of everything. I feel this storm welling up inside of me.

This is not a time for me to be around other people. Especially in person. At least online I can pretend...

Antonia


What Character From Practical Magic Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Too Early

I woke at 5:56 this morning and decided it would be better to get up as my mind immediately went into over drive. This dread, or something of a knowing is strong now. I was hoping that my feelings from yesterday were because of the lunar eclipse but I guess not.

It's like something is waiting in the wings, kind of the other shoe dropping. I feel like I should be waiting in the shadows as this thing passes. It seems more like so I can keep an eye on it not really hide from it.

I don't know what it is.

Icy hand
dark and cold
reaching out for something to hold.


Icy hand
hard and cruel
Please, I don't want it to rule.

Icy hand


Ok, I can't finish this cause I don't know where it's going. All I know is I don't like this feeling at all. It's a weird feeling and I just think I'd rather not explore this anymore. It does seem like it keeps playing in my head and wants to come out.




What is found is something I fear

It's grabbed my heart

What is this dread that I feel?

A darkness has just drift across me...
A feeling that not all is quite right...

A feeling that makes me wonder...
What's creeping by...

Is it something that just passed to closely?
or something to really fear?

Could it be something that is going to happen?
or something I don't really want to hear?

Will it come as quickly as these leaves falling to the ground?
or will it take more time to come around?

What is this dread in my heart that I feel?
Something that I've lost? Something real?

What is this dread that I feel?

The Wicked Witch Is Dead?
The Wicked Witch Is Dead
Bad witches are out; good witches are now in.

by Phyllis W. Curott

Can you imagine Cybill Shepherd, Roseanne Barr, Olympia Dukakis, Tori Amos, Stevie Nicks, Chrissie Hynde, Sarah McLachlan, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Erica Jong, and Camille Paglia standing in a circle together beneath a gorgeous full moon? I can.

Why? Because they are among some of America's most prominent celebrities, authors, and performers who have discovered the Goddess. Goddess spirituality is now the fastest growing spiritual practice in America and popular artists are openly and enthusiastically bringing this ancient wisdom to the attention of the media and the American public. And where they go, their audiences are sure to follow.

While Goddess spirituality takes many forms, the most popular is the contemporary revival of witchcraft. America is discovering that behind the mask of the wicked Witch is the beautiful face of the Goddess. Witchcraft, also called Wicca, is actually the ancient, pre-Christian spirituality of the Goddess. The word "witch" comes from the Anglo Saxon word wicce, meaning a wise one. Unfortunately, the word also evokes the image of a green-faced hag riding a broomstick and brewing evil potions, a stereotype vividly brought to life by actress Margaret Hamilton in "The Wizard of Oz," BetteMidler in "Hocus Pocus" and the recent "Blair Witch Project." This gender-based stereotype points us in the direction of the hideous hag's origins and her persistent presence in popular culture. We've all grown up with countless fairy tales about the wicked witch with deadly powers. The hags of Shakespeare's "Macbeth" have convinced generations that witches conjure our darkest natures with noxious eye of newt. Durer's woodcuts show her to be ugly and mis-shapened. But where did this vision come from?

In the late 1400's, worship of the Goddess was branded satanic by the Catholic Church. Though there is no devil in the Old Religion of the Goddess and witches do not worship him, hundreds of thousands were tortured and killed. Almost 90 percent of these victims were women and those who survived lost nearly all legal rights, became chattel, were prohibited from owning or inheriting property, receiving an education, practicing medicine or the Goddess's religion. This prolonged period of persecution, known as theWitchcraze (now recognized as the women's Holocaust) assured the domination of the stereotype of the wicked witch. And over the centuries, the hag came to personify the culture's shadow, the culture's fear of women--their powers to give birth, their sexuality, and spirituality. Fairy tales, plays, pictures, and sermons perpetuated this vision.

Times are changing and the Goddess is returning. In the past forty years, pop culture provided at least one good witch a decade: Glinda the Good Witch of the North, Veronica Lake in "I Married a Witch," Kim Novak in "Bell, Book and Candle," and Elizabeth Montgomery in "Bewitched." Today, good witches are everywhere, with Hollywood at the fore front of a radical shift in public perception. Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock portrayed sister witches in "Practical Magic," which captured the number one spot at the box office when it opened. When Sandra explains that "there is no devil in the Craft," and "there's more to magic than spells and potions," millions heard important messages that hopefully will enable real witches to practice their religion in peace and safety and with public acceptance. On television, two new shows, "Sabrina" and"Charmed," feature strong, independent young women who are witches; a character on an afternoon soap opera regularly exclaimed "Oh my Goddess!" and conducted charming Goddess rituals as part of the plot; and the NBC sitcom, "Friends," devoted an entire show to the female characters discovering their inner Goddesses. But while these shows and films portray positive characters, they rely on silly special effects that perpetuate the stereotype of witches having supernatural powers (like freezing time or making objects move). The powers that witches cultivate are not supernatural; they are completely natural, divine gifts latent in all of us. From spiritual practice, witches know that magic is not about commanding and controlling, but about consciousness and communion; they have discovered that by living in harmony with nature, they live inharmony with the divine, and that real magic flows from our connection to that divinity.

In television shows, including "Picket Fences," "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," and"Judging Amy," that present witches as sympathetic, realistic characters who practice a bona fide religion, a different problem arises. These witches tend to fall into agender stereotype; that is, they are exclusively female. In fact, there have always been male Witches (not warlocks), and their numbers are rapidly increasing.

Witchcraft is also increasingly receiving serious attention from the "hard" media. During the last year, the release of "Book of Shadows" and the presence of witches in the military prompted respectful stories about witchcraft as a Goddess religion in every major daily newspaper, in major magazines, and on top television shows in the U.S. and abroad. Wiccan protests against "The Blair Witch Project's" reinforcement of the negative stereotype were also given respectful coverage in the news media.

According to The New York Times, Wicca is also the fastest growing, most lucrative subject in the publishing field. Witchcraft, at this moment, is undergoing a major transformation--stories about witches are increasingly become stories by witches. No longer confined to the broom closet, witches are increasingly public and confident inthe exercise of their rights to express themselves and the truth about their religion. But more importantly, the witch is once again retrieving her and his role as the culture's shaman, the teller of myths that are our collective dreams. The witch is again telling sacred stories that chronicle and inspire our encounter with divinity. As a witch, the story I tell in "Book of Shadows" is a spiritual journey to discover the Goddess within.

It is a story of challenge and transformation, a story of the spirit in the "material"world. It is the story of real magic.

Paige

Which Charmed witch are you?
brought to you by

You are Hekate. Forget being a witch your a
goddess, the goddess of witchcraft. You are
very powerful, you can do all kinds of magic.
You are also very beautiful, more beautiful
then any of the witches. You have long black
hair and you wear a black belly shirt and a
long white skirt.

What witch are you?(many dif. outcomes and awsome pics)
brought to you by

Another Quiz

I took a quiz that Minerva sent and well here are the results.

http://bellaonline.org/misc/quiz/monsters/monster_dracula.asp


If you want to take the quiz here is the link.

http://bellaonline.org/misc/quiz/monsters/index.asp

Ugh

Last night I was so tired. So I stumbled towards my bed about 10:00. I finally got to sleep and it was restless and weird dreams. I was cuddling with my pillow when I woke but I was annoyed. The right side of my head feels like it's inhabited by an alien. It hurts so bad. I'm feeling cranky and annoyed.


Here's a dream from last night:

I got on a bus that had a transporter of some kind on it. Some people were riding the bus and there were 4 of us who were using the transporter. We were getting out of our cars or mode of transportation and getting on the bus. When I got on the bus after the other went I heard someone say, "They are just leaving their returns rides in the road". I looked outside and saw two cars and what appeared to be a motorcycle. I knew I didn't arrive in a car. So I said, I can't drive a motorcycle. I got in the transporter last. First I got in it and it didn't work. I found the doors were fully closed. So we tried it again and it still wouldn't work. I saw the console and a light was flashing that said Dioxide something or other. It needed the cartridge replaced. So I told the driver and he said it will take just a minute to fix it. I said I'll just walk because it says it needs a cartridge. I said where did it send them? and he responded he didn't know. I remember thinking then how am I suppose to get there? I was standing there waiting when I woke up. I woke up annoyed and in pain.

So that was my bit of weirdness.

So I've made a couple of biscuits this morning so I could take some Excedrin. Slowly the pain is subsiding but now my stomach is being annoying. I'm not a happy camper.

Wednesday's Horoscope

This is not making me feel really good.

Not a lot will turn in your favor today. Take a breather and refrain from making a decision that could leave you in a precarious position. Protect your home and family.

Do you think these folks know I sleep with a 45 cal ?

Me

Sleep sucked again last night. I'm not sure why but around 1:00 ish I woke. Wide awake. I tossed and turned. Tried to find a comfortable position which never happened. I thrashed this way and that. Heard the cats running wildly through the house. Heard the dogs upstairs with Michael moving around. The moon light was incredibly bright last night.

I don't know maybe I went into protector mode. All I can say it that will be a pain in the butt. Now I'll be hearing every unusual noise that occurs even outside. Which I did hear a dog barking that was unfamilar.

Maybe this was why the cats were all around me. They are in protective mode too. I'm a little tired this morning.

On to others things....

Oh I bought some Ginger Altoids.... I'm holding off on deciding if I like them or not. They are way too strong. I put one in my mouth for maybe 10 seconds and had to take it out. I'm wondering if they might work for an upset stomach. It says natural flavor... Not sure if that's the same or not though.

I also got some Eclipse gum. Lemon Ice. I like it...

I'm still reading on Women Who Run With the Wolves. Still enjoying it.

I don't remember any of my dreams last night. Not yet... maybe something will trigger one.

Weeeeellll

Ok, this for any of you who are thinking of a surprise visit. Call first I might shoot other wise.

One of the neighbors just came by and let me know that one of our neighbors has been burgalrized twice in the past two weeks. SO we are going to have a neighborhood meeting. Though we aren't a neighborhood in so many words. The problem is people are unobservant. Except me. I sit in the office and notice all the vehicles that are strange to this road. lol

So I call Tom to give him the update. He started the normal like I don't know to lock doors and check windows. *rolls eyes* He said to be sure and lock the garage too. He said I have a set of keys. SHIT I didn't know he did. I didn't want him too. Anyway, he said I'll call if I come over. I said good cause you might get shot. It didn't seem to find that humorous. IT's true. Somebody comes in that doesn't belong and they are going to leave in a body bag or with a couple of bullet holes in them.


So I guess I need to put my wards on full alert. Now the interesting part was I told Tom about 4 weeks ago I had had a feeling that something was up. That I needed to be careful and make sure all the windows and door were locked.

Dating? Maybe Maybe not

I have been thinking about dating and relationships. I've come to the decision that I will NOT chase after any man. Nope, if he is interested then he is going to have to put more effort in getting my attention. I never did before and I've made the decision that I'm not doing it.

I had figured what I would do was actually try and do a 50/50 thing ya know? I'm feeling my stubborn side blowing up.

Stolen Test from Sarah

I am the Siren A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play - by always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release form the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a realm of pure pleasure. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy. Symbol: Water. The song of the Siren is liquid and enticing, and the Siren herself is fluid and ungraspable. Like the sea, the Siren lures you with the promise of infinite adventure and pleasure. Forgetting past and future, men follow her far out to sea, where they drown.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society

SELENE: You are selene!
Beautiful, vivacious,
fierce and seductive, Selene vowed she would
destroy Lycans after her family was murdered by
the werewolves. So ruthless is she that selene
is a member of the Death Dealers. This elite
Vampire warrior class's mission is to make the
Lycans extinct.
Ever wish you could be a
vampire?





Which UNDERWORLD character are you?
brought to you by

You're a Vampire. Vampires were the creatures of
the night that were believed to live off of
human blood. Count Dracula, being the most
famous vampire, set the stereotype. They had
dark hair and pale skin from being away from
the sunlight. If they actually existed, it's
very possible they had the skin disease that
made you allergic to the sun so whenever the
sunlight would hit it, it would hurt like
crazy. They were usually snobbish and control
freaks and kept werewolves as pets. (If you
cannot see the picture, go to my userpage and
look near the bottom. There should be the
picture and description for all the results)

What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
brought to you by

Ok, so one little question and they label me a blood sucker. *sighs*

If a friend did something to betray you in some way, what would you do?

I'd never talk to them and if it was bad enough, I'd try to kill them in their sleep

You are THE REAL THING!You are just a regular person with alternative
beliefs. You don't feel you have anything to
prove and are just enjoying life. Good for
you!

What kind of pagan are you?
brought to you by

Dreams and Irritations

I dreamed that we had gone to Dahlonega to some kind of festival. It was just a mundane festival but told about history and such. They had rides, food, petting zoo... just things like that.

At some point Tom and I were in a golf cart going through this place when we wound up on this road. I looked towards him and I could see the highway on the other side of the trees. We were traveling parralle to it. I told him several times that we were lost and he just kept going. Finally he listen and turned at this driveway which we figured would take us back to the festival. It took us to some strange looking building. The people were really nice and this is when we found out that we had arrived at the crematorium. I noticed smoke going up from the chimney. Tom told them we were just trying to get back in to the festival that we had gotten lost. They thank us for returning the hearse. When I turned to look it was still a golf cart but shaped more like a hearse and it was black instead of green.

This really nice lady took us back to the gate and they let us back in. He walked ahead of me and got on the phone. I told Jo who was at the festival with us that he was on the phone to Dallas. So she and I went off to see all the stuff. I didn't see Tom for the rest of the dream. They had a train ride, something similar to a roller coaster but it was a gentle ride. I really think it was the train ride just taking a different look. They were putting on a play about the history of the area. As we were leaving this lady wanted to take a picture of Jo. It was funny because she didn't want anyone else in the picture, not even just walking by in the background. So that done Jo and I headed to the car cause the festival was over.

Jo's car was packed with all kind of Uni stuff. It appeared to be papers for her to grade. She was pulling all this paper work out of her car. Yes she had her car. lol Then we headed to the locker to pick up the stuff we left in there. It was like a huge barn and the storage bins were big, like large stalls. They had two rooms to them. One had bars so you could look in and the other was completely enclosed. As we were walking to this storage room I heard this growl that was like none I'd heard before. Whatever it was, it was big. Jo didn't seemed worried but she didn't hear it. I was nervous and when we got in the storage room I shut the door which was just bars. Not like a jail cell though, like a horse's stall. Then this reddish brown dog came in and was trying to get in with us. He was just friendly but I was trying to shoo him away because I didn't want him to give our location away if that big growlly thing came in there.

******************************

The dream before the one above was kind of funny. Again Jo was in it. This time we were teaching. It was odd because there were definite levels that I saw. I watched them tower above our heads. I remember looking up as they rose beside us. I'm not sure what that was about.

Anyway those happened the same night. Saturday night. Still the dream is pretty fresh in my memory.

*****************************

Oh I forgot all about drinking ice tea. Up at Gary's we had ice tea to drink. Well you guess it the caffiene kicked in about the time I went to bed. I was able to doze at first but then by about 1:30 am, I was wide awake and couldn't get back to sleep. I tossed and turned and damned everyone that ever upset me. lol yeah my mind was wandering wild at that point. I would almost fall asleep then wham another kick of caffiene and I was wide awake. So around 4 something I finally went to sleep only to be awakened at 6:30 to get Michael up for school. I'm tired. lol

*********************************

I found something out about myself this morning I'm not sure I like. I'm not naming names because it bothers me that I let this bother me. It's not even close to being something that has reason to bother me. This morning I had two separate incidents where I realized that what I said was ignored. I'm not talking about normal chit chat on list type stuff so all of you can stop panicking now. It just really jumped on me first thing in the morning. Maybe because of my being tired. I'm grumpy when I don't get sleep. I do hope that's all it was on my part because it's really embarrassing when you let something so little get under your skin. Especially when you know that neither person would do so intentionally.

Day tripping

Today I had promised my mom that I would go to a family friends birthday party. I had almost talked myself out of it and had actually already started thinking up reasons why I shouldn't go. I bite the bullet and went.

As we were pulling up I saw a man saddling up an horse. My mom came to greet me. Told me that was Roland and he was saddling the horse up again for the kids. So I was introduced to everyone. Didn't see Gary (the family friend). So mom said let's go down to the barn. So we were walking down and my dad was walking back up with another man. We stopped and talked then Roland was coming up with the horse, riding him. First thing that hit me was he didn't have a chin strap on the bridle and the horse was not under control. So I told him find me a rope and I'll fix that problem. We went on down to the barn where we found Gary. Gave him a big squeeze and started talking horses.

They really know nothing about horses and have gotten some bad advice.

So I was searching for a chin strap. Gary asked for my help with some stuff. I needed to be there around that horse. His bridle was ill fitting, they are using a cheap ass bit. He has a sore in his mouth where the bit was rubbing. I showed them all of that. Then we went back to the barn after the birthday cake. I walked the horse down and I can tell you the way he acted he knows they don't know what to do. So I grabbed a halter took his bridle off and was showing them the different brushed. They didn't have a hoof pick some I used something else. Found out the horse has thrush. It's not a big deal as long as you take care of it. SO I told them how and told them what to use. They said the man they had talked to said if you keep him in a stall you don't have to clean his hooves. Well, my sweetness popped right out of my mouth when I said he is full of shit. LOL So they were begging me to come back up because they really know nothing about horses and they also have minature horses.

So I agreed.

I'm sitting here smelling my hands which still smell like a horse that needs a bath. lol I'm settled.

The Fog

In the middle of the grove she sat. She had come to meditate but was unable to calm her mind. There was so much happening in her life now, she couldn’t even find peace here. She fell back in the grass with a heavy sigh. “Why, why is it that I can’t find peace even here?” The clouds rolled by and she watched with little interest. A butterfly came and fluttering around her unnoticed. This little wren came flitting around her chirping. Finally a dragonfly came buzzing around and landed on her stomach. This amused her for this dragonfly was not concerned with how she pitied herself. It sat upon her belly and refused to move. She was so distracted that the fog rolled in unnoticed. Slowly the grove was taken over. The dragonfly flew from its perch on her stomach. She sat up and looked around. The grove was gone and she sat in a field. This field had very little of the spiritual energy the grove had. It was a beautiful place but there was no connection here.

She was a stranger in this place. Standing she walked to where the altar had just stood. There was nothing. Turning slowly looking around her she saw that even her dear tree friends were changed. They were not the large majestic trees she had known. Their branches dropped close to the ground and their energy was weak. She walked to the oldest of these trees to speak to it. “Greetings old one” she reached out placing her palm on the tree. She felt the tree move back from her touch. Slowly she pulled her hand from the tree watching its aura. “Old one, why did you pull away from my touch? I would never harm you” she spoke softly. The tree finally spoke to her. “You, fair one are the old one not I” the tree had said. “I do not understand friend” she spoke not moving. “We have not seen your people in hundreds of years” the tree said sadly. “My people? Do you mean that people have not been here on earth for hundreds of years?” she questioned. The tree quickly said “No old one there are many people still. I meant the people like you who know of our spirit.” She nodded her head understanding. “People have no concern for us and damage us knowing that it hurts us” he told her. Reaching out to touch the tree again she saw that he did not pull away from her. He let her feel the pains that had been suffered in her absence. Tears fell from her eyes at the pain they had suffered. Her hand slipped slowly from the tree.

She had felt they remembered they were to be the guardians of the grove but the grove was almost gone. The grove could not die she thought. Unconsciously she walked the grove speaking to the quarters as she was building the energy. Images of the past in the grove flooded her mind. The energies raised, the rituals shared, the solitary rituals, they all were building in her mind. She found that the despair that had been weighing heavily on her mind was gone. Her feet became lighter as she began to dance the circle. A song came to her and she sang as she danced. The trees began to dance also, their leaves rustling in the wind as the energy was building.

*************

That's all I havd managed to write on this. It started with a spell that was playing in my head about trees. By the time I got to the point where I could use the spell it had left me. Hopefully I will be able to finish this. Though I usually have no idea why I write some things this one kind of leaves me to think I am the tree.

I Sat at Her Feet

I sat at her feet listening to her words.

Her voice soft and loving.

No words can truly describe her, she is different for every person.

"I am the beginning and I am the end" she said to me.

In the end, I again begin, this is a cycle that will never end. (end)



It seemed if she spoke only to me.



Looking around I was unsure of how I got to this place. A garden, wild yet kept. I wander the paths admiring the beauty. Sitting areas dotted the paths. A path off the main was less trodden so I took it. This path was a little more wild, not as well kept. The beauty of this path was less obvious to those who could not see. The path ended at a cave and I asked to enter.

"What is it you seek in this cave of silence", I heard in my head. "I only seek what I am allowed", I spoke aloud. My words were met with a soft laughter, "Enter daughter and seek what you may". I stepped inside to find a small fire. The coolness of the cave matched that of the flame. A flame that gave off no heat? Strange indeed I thought. I sat and stared into the flame. I felt the heart beat of mother earth as she held me close to her.

"What do you seek", I was asked. "I seek the knowledge for balance and growth", was my answer to the voice. There was silence. I found wisdom in the silence that surrounded me. My mind found peace there, yet I needed more.


I saw myself walking down a corridor. At first the details were misty. I continued walking I began to see doors. The floor, I noticed had a design. The doors were wooden and looked heavy. I stopped in front of one door and wonder whether I should knock or just open it and walk in. ‘What should I do?’ I said aloud. My decision made I opened the door. Inside was a room with wood paneled walls, dark but the room felt light. There was comfortable furniture and I noticed no bright colors. I looked down at the floor and I was standing on a rug of muted colors. This room felt inviting but it was empty. There was a bookcase that I hadn’t noticed to my left. I walked over to see what these books would be about. I blinked several times but the words would not come into focus. I reached for the books but found that I was too small to pick them up. How can this be? These books were of normal size and now too large to be picked up. I turned to leave in frustration and found I was in the corridor once more. I wandered the corridor carefully looking at the doors, each was different.

Where had time gone? Life has changed so much. I remember carefree days but troubled nights. It was the nightmares that came every night. Finally peace came when I learned to change my dreams. That was so long ago I learned to do that. I can’t believe how many years have passed. My age changed though I felt like I was the same, as if someone else had lived my life. What happened in those years I lost? Did I love? Did I lose? What happened?

I remember being pregnant with both my children. They grew so fast. Was I a good mother to them? I guess really they are the only ones to answer that question. I gave up everything for them. I gave up myself, lost me and became mom. I use to be a happy person. I do remember that. At the very least I did like myself. Now, I don’t like things about myself. I use to be able to say how I felt. Now, I worry whether it will hurt someone else at my own expense. I put everyone before myself. My needs. I swallow whatever they are. No matter how much I need, no matter what I need. When can I be selfish without feeling guilty for it?

My joys are few and far between. My life is put on hold and it shouldn’t be. So what do I do? Where do I find my life? Where do I begin? Yes, I know that it’s something I have to do but how? I’m 43 years old and my life is to start over. I sit there and think that I never thought 43 was old but starting over seems to be wrong at that age. This is suppose to be the time when this all starts winding down. When I can relax.

I get so frustrated that I just don’t know which way to turn. Of course other people think of things that I could do for a living. I’m just not sure that I have the ability to do what they say I’d be good at. Is it they have more confidence in me than I do? I don’t know.

Where do people come up with the courage? I have all these questions and no answers. I’m dissatisfied with myself. I am fat and out of shape which is my fault. I had decided that it was because I was so unhappy with Tom. I don’t know. Maybe it is just that I am unhappy with myself. I have to make changes in my life. I have to start putting things for me first. My health being the one I need to tackle first. My spiritual growth will continue. I have to start thinking of myself. Yet I still have Michael to think of. It always seems that I’ve put them first.
I honestly don’t know what I want out of my life other than to be happy and healthy. Yes I want love but I don’t know. Just the thought of it makes me want to cry.

One of those days

Again I'm in a foul mood. I have to go up to an old family friends place today to celebrate his birthday. That's not what has me in the mood though.

It's rainy and overcast and I don't want to be social today. I just want to stay in a cocoon protected from the world.

My dad started a fight with me yesterday about politics. I'm tired of him telling me who to vote for. I'm just fucking tired and annoyed now.

Computer Woes

No not my computers... Matt's computer. Two days now. I know he picked up viruses from Napster just got to scan for them and hopefull get rid of them.

I didn't re-format the hard drive just re-loaded windows XP. Hopefully I can save his music if not, too bad. He needs his computer for work. I'm still trying to figure out how I got elected to fix it for him. Oh yeah I remember Tom said I didn't fuck it up. His normal thing when it comes to Matt. He just won't do shit for Matt. I don't know why.

So I've put on Van Helsing and posting in my blog and letting Matt's computer scan for spyware. lol Now THAT is how you spend a Friday night! LOL Yeah ok, so I need a life. hehe

Danger Will Robinson! Danger!

Well it appears that I'm in a nasty mood this morning. I will be avoiding the computer as much as possible today. At least the day seems to be reflecting my mood. Dark and overcast.

I'm starting to see a connection to when Tom shows up and spends too much time around me. I get really nasty the next day. I'm thinking it's his energy.

I don't remember my dreams at all last night. Nothing. Not even any feelings of what it was. I was probably busy with something else since I went to sleep chatting with a couple of Goddesses. I did wake and have an exposure spell playing in my head. So I did it. We'll see what happens.

I'm having the blah blah blah attitude. Feeling very negative... Yeah Tom's energy... Maybe I should smudge myself and see if that makes it go away.

The Night is Cold and Lonely

Well not really but my mind spit that out. Last night I had written out a post for here but they just started maintenance. I tried to get it back and couldn't. It was just gone. *sighs*

I'm a little blah today. Nothing big just blah. Something is missing not in my life but something is wrong. Not in a bad bad way just maybe something is just off. I don't know maybe dissatisfaction with what I'm feeling.

My dream last night was just a lot of dissatisfaction. Tom trying to insist on an addition to my house. Not in real life. The house being me. The addition was over the bedroom. Either love or something personal to me. I noticed also I kept asking him why was he making me do things. These things were behavioral.

I think this is just one of my Cancerian depression moments coming on. It's usually stress induced. *grins* Yes I'm stressed. I'm a worry wort. Maybe I should just go to bed REALLY early and not worry about it.

Recently

I spoke of watching a flock of birds heading south. They came with such a huge rush of wings and chirping.

I was just sitting here reading emails when I heard the chirping again. I got up wondering what was going on because the window I saw them from the first time did not show them to me. I looked out the front window and here they are again heading back towards the north. Now I couldn't swear they were the exact same birds. i do know they were the same type of bird. What that is I don't know. Little buggers wouldn't slow down enough for me to get a look at them. The thought that ran through my mind was the movie DreamCatcher. lol All the animal were fleeing from where the aliens had landed. *grins* I wondered why these birds would be going back the same way so soon. Oh well, I guess I just don't need to know right now.

Today is foggy. They were lifting the advisory at 8:00 but then they came back on and said well maybe by 10:00. lol I love when Mother Nature make the weather people look like fools. *grins*

Wednesday Night Dream

We (Me, Matt, Michael and Tom) were in the house. This wasn't the house I now live in. The layout was different. We were working in the basement which seemed like an office to me. Tom and Matt were moving things around when the phone rang. I answered and it was one of our police buddies. He and I started talking like we always do when he said "Before I go on I just want to say I'm sorry that Tom has joined my ranks." I was a little thrown by this and said something he said "I'm talking about his divorce". For some reason it kind of pissed me off and I said "What about me? I'm invovled in this too. I got divorced also." He said I know but I was just saying. Then we were talking again and he said you should go out with me, I live close by and we could get together. My mind was running 90 miles per hour. I remember one of those thoughts was that he would be retiring before too long.

Tom had his back to me and he was doing stuff. In my mind I was thinking that he would want back in this house but he had too much furniture now. I asked if he had something and he said yeah but I'm not even suppose to have moved in the house yet.

Then we were in a different part of the house. Tom and Matt were talking and Tom told Matt to measure something cause the guy needed to know. I asked what was going on and Tom said the carpenter was coming to do that addition to the house he told me about. I told him that I had already told him that was an ugly addition and did not want him to do it. I looked around and could see measurements written on the wall and it appeared to be an unfinished room. The addition would be over the bedroom. It seemed out of place. So I went and told Tom that I hadn't agreed to the addition and he just smiled smuggly at me and said it's my house I can do what I want. I walked around him and said not legaly it is not. This house is in both our names and therefore I don't have to agree to let you make any additions. He was annoyed looking and I said why do you make me act like this? Why do you to make me say these thing? Why do you keep pushing me?

Then it he started saying something like oh yeah and here is Michael's money. I said I didn't ask for it right now. He said well it's a big deal with you because you talked to Matt about it. The whole time I was thinking that I knew better than to talk to Matt about this stuff because he couldn't keep his mouth shut. So Tom pulls money out of his picket and starts counting saying he had what he owed. I started trying to make him stop because it wasn't the place. Michael was there. He said here is $366 that I owed, plus the other $366 I owed then let's see I owe. I was trying to stop him then said wait and grabbed my phone so I could use the calculator because I didn't want him to short Michael.

I woke up doing math in my head. lol

Tuesday night's dream

We were all going to the beach. By we all I'm talking about several adults and several children.

We got to the beach after getting everybody together. One of the kids asked me if I'd help him with his insulin shot. I told him I didn't think I could but he begged so I said I'd try. This man was getting the last of the kids out and I walked over to the boy. He was blond headed and he sat down in the sand. He handed me the shot. I looked at the needle and this was more like a needle they use to draw blood. It had a huge hole in it. It looked more like it would take a plug out of the person. I panicked and told him I couldn't do it but that one of the lady's was a nurse. So he said ok and I went off to find the nurse. She was a salt and peppered haired woman. Her hair was very short and she was giving another woman a shoulder massage. I asked if she minded giving the boy his shot and she said she would be happy to help. SoI was off again.

I was with two other women and my feelings were one was Branny and the other was Pixie. Now the one that was Pixie didn't look like her at all. This was a tall woman but she had Pixie's energy. She was leading us down towards another part of the beach. There were these strange looking tunnels through these rocks that looked like crystals. The ocean had cut them out though. So Pixie headed on down to the water and Branny and I were just milling about looking at those cool tunnels. We walked into some saw grass and I reached down and gently touched it and I could feel the little teeth on the grass. This is when pixie went down this sand dune. Branny and I started after her but this dune was huge we were standing on. We were looking for a more gentle way down.

If I can remember where this dream started all post it because I was at a gathering of a bunch of us but I just can't get a hold of it to write it out.

Manic Monday

Well probably not really. Just an average Monday really. I tired tonight. My sister called while I was in the office and I didn't get off the phone until 7:00 with her. So I had to come right over and fix dinner for Michael. Of course he gave me a hard time about it. Just playing of course but still.

I think I'm catching a cold. Which is rather annoying as I've been sneezing all day. Sinuses have been stopped up. My eyes burning...

Tom is on a trial calendar this week and then next week. He also has a deposition scheduled this week. Tom called right wen I sat down to dinner and asked if the attorney called to say if he would be on the stand tomorrow or Wednesday. The answer is no. So this will be rather annoying. He'll drive me crazy tomorrow until he knows. Like it's my fault the attorney hasn't called.

Let's see what else. I have a fear in my heart for Matt. He is not making the money he should be. Of course he isn't putting the effort into his work either. The problem is Matt is a very giving person and if someone needs help he will give it. The problem is he has found nothing but users so far in the world of women. I've got to put a couple of them in the freezer for him. I'm not sure how to help Matt. He is such a good guy just has some really crappy work ethics. He saw that what he thought as his dad not working hard for his money but having a lot. So Matt hinks that is the way it should be for him too. He doesn't remember when Tom first started his business. I'm lost as how to help him.

I think I'm tired and need to go to bed.

I"m starting to wonder.. All my horoscopes recently are similar to the one below.


The tender side of your being is being called upon today, GEORGIA. You may be lured in by someone's sensitive, sensual touch. Be careful that you don't get burned, however. Once you really get yourself involved in the situation, there may be no turning back. You may find yourself in the deep end with no life preserver to save you unless you are careful and take necessary precautions at all times.

Dreams again last night.

The mode of transportation last night was boat. Or at least I think so. I know it took place on a lake most of the time. We went to these peoples house. I don't remember who they were. However their house was built on the lake literally. Some people went in the house and I stood outside talking about how I couldn't live there because it wasn't stable. It was like being on a small dock. If you walked to the edge it leaned in that direction towards the water. I remember just wanted to get away from there.

Then we were on land again and there were two women in this part. These two women were opposing each other. It was kind of like ex and present being together. They were separate yet they were close together. It was a really odd feeling.

Then in this same place we were at a ranch. We were going to go out and herd some cattle. They tried to give me this dead broke horse. She was a pretty mare a blackish brown. She had her head rest up against the wall. I had the feeling these men were doing this just to be jerks. They were trying to insult my ability to ride. Then they brought me this tall sorrel gelding. He had a lot more spunk than the mare. I was looking for a saddle to fit him and they gave me one saddle and were laughing because they knew it was too small for him. I was getting really annoyed with them. So I went to get my own saddle. They didn't like this very much. I found a saddle and they were grinning because it was the owner's saddle and they were hoping I'd get in trouble. So I put it on the horse and got it tightened. I knew the stirrups were too long so one of the guys said he'd fix them. He made one side way too short and the other was short but not as much as the other. They were all taking off so I just kicked free of the stirrups and chose not to use them. We were headed out when I woke up.

I find it interesting how my mind works. It goes from being silly to serious to depressed to silly to thinking too much. It's just strange. lol

Today has turned off over cast. It's been windy all day. My sinuses have been killing me. However I have my book that Pixie gave me to read. "Woman Who Run With The Wolves". I've been wanting this book so it was great to see it.

Branny and I are or were talking about love. What love we are looking for. There is a line out of Practical Magic that is something along the lines of... "I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for". ok, it may sound hokey but that's it... I don't want to settle again.

How long does love last? Are all loves, true loves, that come into life a forever thing? Or are they just fleeting moments of time? Is love a once in a life time chance? Do you get one shot at it or many?

I don't know the answer to any of those questions. I'm not sure if there are answers to them. You think maybe it's like asking the question why are we here?

I want the answer to those questions. I WANT to know. I need to know. I need to know that I haven't wasted 24 years of my life with nothing to even look forward to.

I've had a weird day. It just flew by. LOL I mean it was 9:00 and then it was time to go home. I'm not saying that's a bad thing but it's just strange. The day before time was dragging.

I thought about Jo all day. I knew she was leaving today. I'm hoping she felt ok and wasn't oo nervous.

I figured out something today. I've been trying to figure out the connection with Cerr, Jo and Anna... then it hit me. I felt like we were right in being together yet something was wrong. It's because of where we were. I finally figured it out. The *place* was wrong. :-) Now if I can only get the place figured out.

Oh I have to gush about Chelle. You know I didn't know she was such a beautiful woman. She just blew me away when I saw her. She gave me some tea because my tummy was upset. It was sooooo good. I hope she knows which one cause I'll want to order some of it. I can't WAIT for you all to see how gorgeous she looked in her dress.

I could have seen myself hanging out with any of the Vegas folks. They were all very lovely people. Frenchie is a really wonderful photographer. All except that ONE photo.


Dancing Queen
ABBA

(oooo ya)You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life ohh yaa
Ooo.. see that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen ahhh ahhh

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the music's high
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine ohh yaaa
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
Ooo.. see that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen

You're a teaser, you turn 'em on
Leave 'em burning and then you're gone
Looking out for another, anyone will do
You're in the mood for a dance And when you get the chance

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine ohh yaaa
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
Ooo.. see that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen

Dig in the Dancing Queen

Today is turning out to be gorgeous. The sky is such a beautiful blue and puffy lazy white clouds drifting along. The wind is blowing and the leaves are quickly changing colors. Leaves are falling into my pond. lol That's a pain but it's ok, just means more work for me.

I guess this is going to be a rambling.


I was talking to Gay and she was telling me what Matt had to say. Tom made a statement to Matt that if I didn't behave he would make Michael come live with him. I'm not sure what he means behave. I haven't done anything. However I also know that Tom can't make Michael do anything cause Michael is old enough to make his own decisions. I'm still trying to figure out what he meant by me behaving.

I guess my being nice isn't what he wants. So now I working out in my head just how I am going to respond. I haven't decided yet if I am going to make him leave this state. I may just go ahead and bind him. I swear I'm tempted to have him involved in a traffic crash. I have no emotion right now. I can see how easily it is to go down that path most people don't want to travel. I'm starting to understand my grandmother's outlook more and more.

I had lunch with Tom yesterday. It was a bit odd feeling. There is just nothing there any more. No care no concern and that seems to be going both ways. We've dropped to being like just average friends. You know just the ones you see once in while but it's no big loss.

Anyway on the way back to the office he told me that he thought he was going to spend Thanksgiving in Destin. Ah yes, the fun of not having any attachments. The fun of not having to make sure that everyone is taken care of in your absence. To go where you wish with no worries. You don't have to think of anyone but yourself.... as usual....

My dreams have been busy lately. I wake tired and wonder what I was doing all night.

Last night my dream took place at my old house. I remember going back to the house and walking around just looking at it. Another family lived there now. There they were, my horses I had left behind. They were grazing in the front yard just happy. I noted that they had plenty of grass and they were not fenced in. So they had the run of the whole neighborhood. I walked up to them and began petting and talking to them. There was a lady who tried to start some trouble but I just blocked her completely from the dream. A little girl came out and talked to me asking me about my horses. There were three sorrels and one black. One sorrel had a blaze and the others didn't. The black was solid. I was stroking these two horses faces. I was completely lost in what I was doing. They began to walk around the house so I fell in behind them.

The dream shifted and I was at my house now. In my office. I saw a man run across my front yard. His clothing was kind of OD green, loose fitting, long and flowing. He had long dark hair, wild and unkempt. He shielded his face from me. I was on the phone with an attorney when I saw him. I told the attorney I had to lock my door. I jumped up and ran to the door locking it. Only the lock wasn't working properly. I looked down at it and I could see screws and springs. I tried to unlock it to re-lock it but he was on the other side of the door.. I never felt him hit the door yet he was there on the other side and the door was cracked open. I was telling me to let him in. I was trying to remember the name of the attorney so I could yell at him to call 911. I couldn't remember his name and then my alarm clock went off.

I was just reading Roxanne's LJ and thinking on what she said about you can't always chose your level of happiness. I was feeling sad about the post when I heard these birds chirping. A lot of birds. I looked up from the monitor and there were birds flying through the trees, chirping away. There was probably a hundred of them headed south. I had to smile with that message. Roxanne is right we don't always get to chose but we still have to give it a good go to make it better.

I stood and watched those birds fly by. There seem to be no pattern to their flight other than they were headed south. The pattern was survival, headed south for the winter. Then they will return and the circle of life will continue.

You know I came to realize we all have an inner pet butterfly who sometimes go bad.

Yes my inner pet butterfly came out and attacked Shonna's knee... The worse part.... They laughed at my inner pet butterfly.... Now how sad is that? *heavy sigh* I'm not sure my inner pet butterfly will recover from this. It did it's best and they laughed in it's face...


Another thing.... Anna was like an octopus. Who would have ever thought she had so many hands! I lost count of how many times she grabbed my ass. *sighs* I drew the line after she tweaked my nipple too hard...

I need to go now and put ice on it again.

October 9, 2004

Embodying Our Knowingness

(I so enjoy receiving all of your e-mails and messages, and continue to read each and every one. For me, they are gold nuggets with their own special energy and messages that continue to uplift and support the What's Up? web site and energy alerts.

Due to the large volume of e-mails I receive (and that I am currently working onmy book), I am not always able to personally reply to them all, but encourage you to continue sending them and to continue connecting.)

Greetings!

(A brief note: We are working on repairing the sudden "wide screen" appearance of the energy alerts. Hopefully soon!)

We have made the jump. We are finally here. As we are experiencing this most miraculous time, again, there is much to tell. We are embodying light as never before, and many are feeling the wonderful feeling of "knowingness". With more"pushing" energy arriving in the past few days, we were certainly being placed in our New niches of energy, as the beautiful beings of light that we truly are.

For the more sensitive among us, this "pushing" phase had the usual earmarks of confusion, spaciness, loss of a sense of place, disorientation, and a basic non-grounded feeling. When we leap into another realm, it can be quite dramatic for some. I had a feeling of being "off my rocker". One evening while driving home from dinner with friends, I had to really focus on where I was, how to get home, and even WHO I was!

As we are being "pushed" into the higher realms, our old familiar "memory loss"experiences begin to magnify as well. Some days I find it difficult to remember who I spoke to and what I did even that very morning. If things are not in our current and momentary thoughts, it is as if they no longer exist outside of our very current and momentary reality. Time is very much in the NOW.

And again, we are still so weary and tired, needing unusual amounts of sleep. I seem to have resumed my prior pattern of waking at 5:00 each morning, unableto sleep as well. There is much energy moving. But as we begin to connect to these New higher realms in all ways, our energy seems to be restored as we are now being fueled by the higher vibrations, as they now become our New and permanent reality and way of being. The more we connect with, live, experienceand create the New, the more energy we will have.

Things of the Old world seem to have no meaning and no longer seem to matter. It is as if they belong in another world, in another time, and somewhere in theDark Ages. They now seem so very far away, and so very "empty" of any energy or life force, as that is precisely what is occurring. There is no longer any "food" for them.

As the Old systems and ways of being in the lower realms are no longer being fueled, we are also at a strange mid-way point of nothingness. In some cases, it seems that there is almost no money supply or even opportunities for generating money. It is because the Old is gone.

We may feel as though we are "waiting", but the New is arriving at this very moment and all will be in order in the very near future. We have done our jobs well and were not meant to suffer or be left penniless. That is simply not the case. Trust that we are being taken care of always, and only in transition. And when the New systems arrive and are in place, it will so much better than we have ever known!

Making this great leap ahead and into the higher realms and higher states of consciousness has been sublime as well. Feelings of vulnerability and powerlessness are quickly evaporating as are now embodying so much light and connecting so much more with our soul, higher selves, and Source energy.

Our "knowingness" of all things and of well-being is now consuming many of us, and it feels incredibly good. We have been elevated to a higher state of being and there is no turning back. We are remembering and embodying our abilities and connection, and it is now no longer just in our minds or in our vague recollection of who we always knew we were. Our time is finally here, our power is restored and ready for total expression with no interference from darkness, and weare now FREE to be the lightbeings we always knew we were!

While we are connecting much more easily to our souls, it will create a knowingness of all things. At these new levels, all is known and understood. We will no longer have need for people like me reporting back from the higher dimensions (as we will BE there ourselves) and for all the "channeled" information from the Old World. (It is finally time for my new path of original intention, and I get to have an exciting New reality as well!)

Our new knowingness may FINALLY remind us that there never was any "karma"and that we never came to this planet to "learn lessons". We will clearly see ALL and clearly see that there was no intent for suffering and punishment, just an experience of moving, using and mastering energy and all that it manifests. Our egos love to put meanings and drama on things!

As the Old is finally gone, we are now poised to enter into Phase II of this incredibly fun game we conjured up (O.K., it wasn't always as fun as it will be now!), and it is now time for the creating of the New World. All is set. The planet is our palette. Our dreams and knowingness of another world are ready to be put into action in oh so many ways, and we are all needed.

As we have come as representatives from many different worlds, there will so much to offer and so many different facets to fulfill. Oh, what fun! I remember while still giving soul readings, all of the unique and incredibly different representation that was present from all over the universe. We needed and wanted to be here at this time.

For Phase I of this amazing Shift of the Ages, we came as representatives from afar, as many of us know, in order to assist for many reasons. As bearers of light, we literally served as "filters", embodying the darker/denser energies as they surrounded us in many ways, and transmuting them through our physical beingness. It was certainly ouch! at times. In addition, this representation from countless other worlds, enabled this Shift of the Ages to ripple back through each representative and to affect all of the universe as well.

In Phase I, we agreed to place ourselves all over the planet, in various locations, many times moving every two years, in order to anchor in the light and to transmute the energies. Now our relocations are for a very different reason.

WE ARE BRINGING HOME HERE. We now get to go to our specific geographic locations that match our vibrations from our specific stars or "other homes" (not to say that we still go much higher and can connect with our very ORIGINAL home, Source). It is time for the areas of the New World to be formed andcreated.

AS WE HAVE NOW REACHED THE HIGHER REALMS, THIS HIGHER VIBRATION IS ACTIVATING THE NEXT PHASE AND ACTIVATING ALL NEW HIGHER WAYS OF BEING AS WELL. WE ARE IN A NEW WORLD AND NEW REALITY NOW. THIS IS WHERE WE NOW RESIDE.

New energies will now become prevalent in places around the globe. Cities will "shift over" and other new areas will emerge from nowhere. Many will migrate to the areas where they will closely vibrate with the New energy of that location, as they are now ready to infuse their vibrations, contributions, gifts and talents and PRESENCE to support and match their own, unique energy while supporting and creating the New World.

Areas will have a vibratory "theme". They will match our own specific passion and joy, our own deep calling and energy, and will feel oh so much like home as were-connect with our soul groups and long lost friends. As these areas pulsate with their own specific purpose, theme and unique dynamic expression, we will finally, again, become the jewel in the cosmos that we had once been oh so long ago.

As we begin uniting and re-connecting with our friends who emanate most closely from our first spark of original creation and expression, our relationships will take a different turn. In the higher realms, we all just love each other and are exuberantly delighted to spend time together. Now being in higher realms again, this will become the reality and way of being.

There will not necessarily be only "one" other for us. We will delight inconnecting with many, and we will all love each other with no resistance, judgment, or fear. All is accepted and all is remembered. As all our needs will be met, we will then, not "need" one another, but simply just greatly "enjoy" one another.

When needing to travel, we will have homes accessible in other locations, all inhabited by lightworkers. When we are not there, others will be. There will be much sharing and connecting, all in joy, fun and laughter.

Waves of others will experience the shifting over behind us, so there will be much opportunity to assist as well. And as our outside world finally begins to match our inside world, our health will improve dramatically. We will begin to create the weather, we will have open communication with the stars and other beings of light, and we will pulsate with an exuberance of joy, delight, peace, harmony and excitement.

With all these New changes finally ready, there is much to shift over and this change in form will certainly not happen overnight. But as more and more of us begin living in the higher ways of the higher realms, it will eventually snowball and lovingly envelope all others as we show them the way. Even as it takes some time, if we remember to be present in the moment and enjoy each one,what fun it can be!

Are you ready to create the New World? Are you ready to share your contribution through your passion and joy?

I thank you for sharing in my joy of being me through this energy alert. Many blessings, much peace and incredible joy in these miraculous times,

Karen


What's Up On Planet Earth is a free/donation based energy alert connecting usthroughinformation about physical, emotional, spiritual and planetary changes many ofus areexperiencing, including inspiring stories and suggestions for living in the Newevolvingvibration and a view of the world soon to come (it's truly beautiful!). And knowthatalthough many of us are having similar ascension experiences, we are goingthroughthese incredible changes at a time and in a way unique to each of us. To your unending, joyful creations!

Your financial support makes it possible to continue offering the What's Up OnPlanetEarth? information free of charge on our web site and through the latest e-mail energy alerts. To make a donation, copy and paste the line below into your browser window:http://www.whatsuponplanetearth.com/Donations.html or mail to Karen Bishop, P.O. Box 9684, Asheville, NC 28815

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I'm Back in the saddle again.....

Well moderator saddle that is.

I had such a lovely time. All of you who haven't gotten to meet Shonna, Anna and Jo should feel jealous. *grins* They are wonderful people. For that fact all of the folks I met were lovely.

I can't think of anything witty to say right now as I'm still very tired. I got home this morning about 7:00am and now I'm at work getting all caught up.

I'll post some more in a while.

I was sitting here thinking about going to Vegas and took a drink of water and drooled all over myself. Anna, you may not be safe. LOL

I just got off the phone with my Aunt Dot. She is so funny. She was telling me she ws reading something they were doing in her church... I think she said a class for confirmation? Anyway she was reading it and told the woman who wrote that she disagreed with it. She said it was telling these kids they were bad and going to hell. lol She said well you would have thought I committed heresay... she laughed and said well I did I guess. LOL She is such a card.

Oh my Goddess! It's 26 hours until my flight leaves for Vegas! :-) Why am I typing in my blog? I have to wash my underwear! hehe

Actually I feeling lazy right now and I'm not going to worry about anything right now. I am just relaxing and enjoying time with Michael. We've been bonding. lol I was rubbing his head and now he is asleep.

MAB IS IN VEGAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*runs screaming through the room for the thousandth time today* I am so happy. Yeah I know I got to meet her in August. However Cerr finally got to meet Mab face to face. I'm just busting I'm so happy those two finally got to meet. Of course I'm thrilled cause I get to hug and hug Mab more. Then there's Anna! OMG's! Yes! She is sleeping with me and I hope you are all jealous. :-p *snicker* I so excited I can't even think of who all I'm getting to meet in Vegas. Let's see.... Bri, Corey, Pixie and Dirk, Bella and Brian, Chelle, Oh shit I know I'm forgetting someone... Damn... I thought I colored all my gray hairs.


On Friday I'm going to be singing.... We're off to seeeeee Mab. The wonderful Mab of Wolverhampton...

"All I Really Want"
ALANIS MORISSETTE


Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker

And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around...all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?

Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need know is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
a place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice...

I walked in the office this morning singing Monday Monday by the Mommas and the Pappas.


Bah-da Bah-da-da-da Bah-da Bah-da-da-da Bah-da Bah-da-da-da

Monday, Monday, so good to me
Monday Mornin', it was all i hoped it would be
Oh Monday Mornin', monday mornin' couldn't guarntee
That Monday evenin' you would still be here with me
Monday Monday can't trust that day
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday Mornin' you gave me no warnin' of what was to be
Oh Monday, Monday, how could you leave and not take me
Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine
Yeah but whenever monday comes,
But whenever monday comes a-you can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday, Monday, so good to me
Monday Mornin', it was all i hoped it would be
Oh Monday Mornin', monday mornin' couldn't guarntee
That Monday evenin' you would still be here with me
Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine
But whenever monday comes,
But whenever monday comes
A-you can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday Monday can't trust that day
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday, Monday, won't go away
Monday Monday, it's here to stay
Oh Monday, Monday Oh Monday, Monday


I was fairly productive today. Tom came in the office and brought Rob who is helping him shoot scenes. Heck they are all afraid of me. It's kind of weird. They are nervous around me. I guess Tom realized how pissed off I was and told everybody. I'm fine now. LOL For now.

So he walked in and I had Alanis blasting. You oughta know. hehe Only because he got there sooner than I thought he would. He now knows that I'm pissed off if I'm playing Godsmack. He knows I'm just waiting to get annoyed with him. hehe

So I planned on getting a lot of scanning done. Well, Tom needed me to do other things. So much fun... ugh... I got half of it done and will get the rest done in the morning. It's running the errands.. While I'm in that direction I'll stop by the mall and see what I have to take to Vegas with me. hehe

I hope that we now have all the Glastonbury stuff out in the open. Cause I'm ready to move on and I think everyone else is. Whether there are bridges mended or not at this point don't manner. Maybe they will maybe they won't.

Now for those who think what all happened may have tainted my view of the country or my trip. It didn't. Not at all. Honestly. I can say the majority of the time was enjoyable. I can say I'm ready to go back now. It would be fun.

Ok... now I'm gearing up for my trip to Las Vegas. :-) That will be so much fun. I've never been there either. There is so much to look forward to. I got thinking about it... we will be celebrating the circle of life. The Wiccaning and Mike's Memorial. Both of those will have so much meaning keeping in mind the circle.

Lots of things going on.

Assisting the Balance in World Situations, Earth Changes andHumanity's Upheavalsby Qala Serenia PhoenixAs you gather in your circles, you will need a specific focus to work with, for this group meditation process. I recommend that you choose to offer balancing energies to a situation that touches you deeply in some way. Know that what deeply touches us, also gives us the power to channel the immense love that lives within us. If you are in a circle, find a common ground, as there are many situations in theworld needing balancing and assistance through this form of loving service.

2. Light a candle and call upon God/dess or the sacred names ofthose that you work with as the family of light. This will be inaccordance to your own heart resoance, and spiritual lineage. This process works with any form of spirituality and faith Beloveds. Youmay wish to create a beautiful altar in honour of peace, love and thequalities of the divine. Build this together if you are working in acircle so as to create the group energy and collective feeling between each other.

3. As you open your circle, a beautiful Temple of Harmony will anchor over you, and the Angels and Archangels and Emissaries of Lovewill enter the room to be with you. They will first begin to enlighten your chakras and your own energy centres so that you may channel the love and light to the areas in the world more powerfully. They suggest that you place an image on your altar that mirrors or reflects balance. Some of you may create drawings, and others of you may use symbols or objects to focus your energy through. For those of you that are not guided to receive an image or focus, you may use a golden pyramid to focus the energy through.

4. A golden pyramid will be anchored in the centre of the room or area that you work in by the loving guardians that work with you. Know that this will assist the work to take place more powerfully through any other image of balance you may place on the altar physically to focus and support this process. Know that the ancient keepers and ancestral guardians of the Earth will be working with you through this golden pyramid in the strengthening of the Earth grid in the area that you choose to focus upon. This pyramid will also transmit all energies, messages prayers you send through yrou image of balance to teh area and all souls you call to ascension council.

5. Bring your own ceremony into this through your prayers and loving offerings so as to build the energy in the room. Know that it is the energy in the room that will be sent through the golden pyramid tothe Earth grid to strengthen it. Know that it will be empowered12,000-fold by the Angels, Archangels and Ascended Masters working with you. The golden pyramid is the instrument of magnification for this process. Your own ceremony of love is for the building of the energy in your circle. This can only be created through the open heart between each one of you, and through your own open heart prayers and giftings of love and blessings.

6. For each circle that you hold, you may call upon all the HALO Angels that presently work with the Earth grid, assisting the fearthought forms of our collective to be loved free. This will empower your own circle's work. Also, you may ask to be linked with all others who are presently creating circles in the world for balancing and peace. It is through the power of the collective that all will manifest complete balance in our world, so linking with others in other countries and areas empowers the effect of your balancing work.

7. As you do this, we ask that you ask that every being in the area that you are focussed upon receive what you receive. We ask that you receive love infusions through every cell of your being as the Angels step forth to you. As you do this, allow your hearts to connect to the image that represents balance, and intend to channel this loveand light frequency through this image of balance and the golden pyramid to the area that you have chosen to focus upon in the world. Once each of you is connected in this way, you will have created agroup merkaba of divine love and sacred balance. As you know, it isthe healing force of love that balances all. It needs each one of you in circle to lock your hearts in this focus to the image of balance, and then direct energy from the generator of love within your heart.

8. As you each do this, you will begin to raise in vibration as your own Divine Presences or God Presences merge with you. You may singthe mantra of God Presence together to create this to be more powerful if you wish:OM MAYA MA KITA RAKU ANA PEYA NAMU x 13 You will raise in vibration to a high platform, and it is through this open heart feeling of unconditional love that you are then able to call forth to the souls of all beings such as world leaders etc that may be involved in decision-making that affects what isoccurring in this area.

9. Call to the God Presences of the leaders etc, to be with you,and call to the souls of these ones to be with you. Call for anascension council to open with these ones, and invite the Karmic Board to bring the akashic records to these ones. Share with them your truth of love and your vision of what can occur if decisions are made with love instead of fear. Send only love to these ones, and do not give them your power. If you feel that you have given them your power, or that you blame them, we ask that you reclaim your power by opening your heart to them. Know that many in this world are directed by fear and not love. It is not your role to judge them, but to support them to use their free will to make a new choice based on love.

10. Transmit love to these beings through the image of balance.. Offer through your own heart, all to this council that will support this process. Ask that God's will be done, and that the divine plan of love be activated through the area that you have chosen to focus upon. Call to the Angels and Archangels to release all core fear thought forms that may be affecting all beings in this area. Ask for karmic absolution for humanity and call to the souls that you have opened ascension council with, to also receive karmic absolution in relationship to all that has manifested. As you do this, breathe in and receive the universal laws of love, karma, reflection, forgiveness, grace, creation and divinity through your being. Call on these laws to flood through you and directly into the Earth in the area you have chosen to focus on. Gently invite the souls that you have called into ascension council with you to also receive these laws through them.

11. Breathe as the violet flame and other beautiful rays filled with dispensations flood through you and flood into the Earth in the area you have chosen to focus on for the strengthening of the Earth grid in this area. At this time, you may become aware of some old agreements that humanity has made to accept these fears in their life. You may become aware of the core fears and what they are that have been pulsing the souls in this area to be disturbed. You may become aware of the core fears from your own guidance, and if you are aware of these, you may call for these to be lifted by the Angels, Archangels and the Mothers of Love.

12. As you complete with this, ask that every child, mother, father, animal, plant or spirit on the Earth in this area begin to receive rose light flooding through them and the pathways that interconnect them as a collective. Ask that the rose, blue, gold and white light fill the pathways that collectively link all beings in this area as one family. Ask that the shock and painful memories that may be trapped in the energy pathways between each being may be lifted into the light. Ask that the violet flame dissolve all shock and trauma in the energy pathways of the collective. Call forth to all individual souls in this area, and ask if they wish to receive divine healing and to be placed on a healing program with the Angels andArchangels and the Divine Mothers of Love. Ask these ones if they wish to ask for karmic absolution and receive the universal laws o fgrace, love, creation, karma, forgiveness, divinity and reflection as dispensations for their own regeneration energetically in their lives. Be the messenger for the family of light and call this out loud or telepath this to them, and know that many of these souls will receive this through your divine intervention and love. Complete your circle with your own blessings through your guidance and open heart.

Please network this to all that you know. If it touches your heart, I ask you to write a small personal message to your friends or those that you are networking this to, sharing how important this is for you.

All my love, Qala

This article/message is copyrighted © Qala Serenia Phoenix, 2004.

This may be freely distributed as long as none of the content is altered, and as original source and copyright is honoured. If wishing to share this with others, please do not delete this section of the article.http://www.g-a-i-a.com

Ok, so what did I do?


Well I went outside and looked around. LOL Feed my fish and started pulling weeds. You know I've decided that the more weeds you pull the more grow it their place. I've got something growing out there that has a leaf similar to mint but it's not mint. I'm not sure what it is but it grows like mint. It's not pennyroyal either. It's totally different looking than that. The leaf is similar though. It gets this fluffy flower looking thing on it. I don't remember much if any smell to it.

I think I'm going to put out some landscape fabric. I'm tired of pulling weeds. Oh One thing I found is my butterfly brush has had many babies. I've found 10 in about a 3 foot area by the pond. So I'll transplant those and I know a great place for them. I'll be sure and take them with me when I move to another house.

Maybe I should go back out and do what I said I was going to do before the weeds distracted me. hehe

Overcast Sunday Morning


Yesterday I spent time outside sweeping the spiders an webs from my front porch. I decided I was taking my house back from them. I don't normally bother spiders as long as they are outside but you know what? They have other places on the house they can build their webs besides the front door and ever other surface they can find. They love the front porch cause it's safe and I guess there are lots of small buggies to eat.

So I went out with the broom knocked them all down. I haven't been out yet this morning I'm sure they have rebuilt some. lol

I deed to clean the trim because it's nasty dirty. Then I can clean the filters for the pond. THose I know are dirty. Then I need to do some more yard work. Not sure how much of that will get done considering the way the sky looks. We'll see.

Oh then I'm moving the tread mill out of the bedroom into the living room. I figure if I'm in there watching a movie or something I could at least be productive while doing so. lol

Hopefully weekend after next I can get Matt to come down and help me set the gym back up. I've tried for two years to get Tom to help but he refused. Then had the nerve to say that I was fat and would work out. I mean we, let me rephrase that, I have numerous work machines. I have a smath cage, a cable cross over, a abdominal crunch machine. a thigh machine, a bench, free weights. Oh and the tread mill. So I have everything I need to have. It's not like I can put most of this stuff back together. The dang cable cross over thing is a lot taller than me. Did I mention Tom can be a dick?

So if I can get Matt down to help I can get it set back up... Move the sofa that is temperarily in the work out room back in the home theater and start using it again. Then a chair that I thought Tom was taken and put down there. At least there will be places to sit and watch movies. lol Oh and get him to bring up the rug down there. I wouldn't let Tom have it or the other two. lol I'm using them. He can buy his own.

Ok, I think I'm off outside to do what needs to be done.

Ok....


I just put all the rest of Tom's clothes in bags. I'm tired of waiting for him to do it. I going to put them in his motorcycle trailer. Not to mention his brothers shit. And the hard top for the Mercedes.

After that he will only have two items of furniture that he has to move and I think I'm giving him a time limit on them. I'm tired of reminders of him. Oh and his green box he came with. He keeps all his important papers in there. Yeah I could torch it but why? There is nothing of important to me in there. I did think about last night. I'm going to scan some old pictures so if the kids want them they will have copies then I'm cutting him out of all of them and giving him his picture. I'll burn the rest. Oh and his diploma... I have to put that in his trailer too.

So now I have to go up in what was my ritual room and go through that closet and throw out all his shit. I'm not storing anything of his.

Yeah I'm up early


I got up at 6:41am because I had one of those dreams that you know you don't want to continue. There was too much betrayal and deciet in it. Still it's so fresh in my mind that I woke up fighting back tears. I'm tired of crying and I don't care what they say, they don't help.

You know this could turn into a rant.

I'm tired of people feeling like they need to open their mouths before they think. I tired of them thinking that is ok to be rude. I'm tired of people feeling like they have no control in their lives (believe I understand this and I mean it in a way that we feel out of control not in a bad way). I'm tired of people taking except to little things. Oh and you know what if something isn't written to you specifically you DON'T have to comment. That is how negative crap keeps going around. If you have a bad attitude keep it to yourself, no one else needs to be infected with it. If you want to whine and cry do so but know that yo may not like the answers you get. When you open yourself up like that in front of people you are telling them you need help in handling something. So you better expect to get answers. Just remember that most of the time they are trying to help. You know what I'm tired of people taking.

In the movie Witches of Eastwick, Felicia starts going a little crazy because she knows now the devil Jack Nicholson) is in town. She is in her house telling her husband that she knows now he is there and that he is going to breed with "those" women. He wants to have babies with them. She starts getting really crazy acting and her husband kills her with a fire iron. Well I'm at her point now. I'm ready to go into that kind of raving lunatic mode.

Something else I'm really starting to hate men. I learned in high school that they pretty much did nothing but cause anguish. I should have kept that lesson close to me. No I couldn't do that I had to think that it couldn't happen to me. Maybe I just should ignore men until I decide that they deserve to be noticed by me.

Well I thought having a bowl of Coco Puffs would make me feel better but they didn't.

I'm still annoyed and it's 8:05am.

I'm still annoyed and it's 8:17am.

I was sitting here going throuh all of what I've said and you know what I think I have a new motto...

"Sometimes you just gotta say fuck it"

I'm posting this because I think there are *some* people who could really use it.



Elder's Meditation of the Day - October 1

"So don't be afraid. What we left behind,
leave it back there. Try to do some good.
Let's try to take a step, try to think
something good."

--Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

Every day is a new day. Sometimes we make mistakes. We do not need to carry these mistakes along with us. Take the lessons and leave the mistakes behind. Look forward to today. Today we can do something good. Today we can have good thoughts. Today we can think kind, uplifting thoughts about ourselves. Today I will think good about ...

My Creator,
today I ask
You to direct
my thoughts.


http://www.whitebison.org/meditation/subscribe.php