Oh boy what a dream last night.

I can't decide if I was married in this dream or the daughter of a man who was very protective. I'm thinking it's the latter but I'm not positive.

There was a Native American (NA) in my dream and he was gorgeous. He had so much sex appeal but it seem that he was still a very sweet man. It seems that he trained our horses so of course I was around all the time. Also it seemed that one minute I wasn't interested in him and then the next I wanted him. I remember the horses were very nicely built, well bred horses. They were paints too. This is the second time I've dreamed of paints. By that I mean the fact they were paints stuck out in the dream. Anyway the house/barn was very unusual. The hallways were tiny, it was a very old feeling place. The wood looked old in it. All gray from the weather. Now the interesting thing was there were elevators in this dreams. There were two banks of elevators and then there was a single one, sort of like a maintenance one. One of these elevators was bad. I knew there was a problem with it and would not get on it. I also remember that in my dream that the man who was attached to me annoyed me. I had planned to get him on that elevator because I knew he wouldn't live.

I sat down next to the NA man on a bench and he was reading a book to me. My body started to tingle and I leaned over and kissed his shoulder. He didn't move but kept reading. Oh he didn't have a shirt on either. I leaned further and kissed the front of his shoulder. By this time I was way too hot to care where we were. The only thing on my mind was to have this man and have him right now. Yeah so I did... but he pushed me away and I felt like I was going to explode. I woke up.

There was a lot more little stuff to this dream but right now I can't remember it all.

Thursday nights can be weird

Ok, so I feel weird still. Just kind of floating along.

Last night my dreams evaded me all except one little one. Now mind you at this point I remember going from one dream and into this tidbit I'm about to share.

I was in the office and could see someone walking on the road. I thought it was one of my neighbors who takes care of her granddaughter. It looked like a baby carriage through the trees so I didn't think much more. Then I saw it turning down my driveway. She bring her granddaughter down to look at the fish. I thought great, here we go again. Then however I realized it was not her but a man pushing and kind of riding on a blue shopping buggy. He had on a long coat, it seemed dark blue and he had long dark brown hair. He was light skinned also. So here he comes down the driveway and he hopped on the back of the buggy and rode it down the hill. He pulled up in front of the house and stepped off the buggy and had a cigarette in his mouth. He looked around and said he was Walt Ego. Maybe it's spelled differently I don't know but that's the way he pronounced it. I was torn on what to do. I wasn't sure if I should lock my door or call the police. What I mean by that as in what order. Then I was worried he was going to go into the house with Michael.

This all happened in just a matter of seconds and it scared me and I woke up a little unsettled by seeing that man. He had a long thin face and he was tall and slender.

*********************

Then I was vaccuming the side of the road. Also when I checked to see if the vaccum was getting full I noticed there wasn't much trash in the bin. It was also odd that the vaccum didn't bother the grass either. I remember looking around and thinking why am I doing this? There is hardly any trash out here. I also remember two people behind me. There was a young girl and a man. I don't know what they were doing but they were busy doing whatever it was. Then this man called from across the street and we were just talking about things. I felt like he may have been talking about aliens but I wouldn't swear to it. I also remember things appearing gray on that side of the road. Though now that I think of it my side seemed like there was a filter on the colors. They weren't vibrant like they normally are.

I have to add that this all took place on Sawyer Road. It was the road I traveled down to get the Happy Valley, the barn where I kept Sassy for so long. The pasture and barn were on one side and there were old small houses on the other.

The way I started telling this dream is just how it happened. I was just there all of a sudden.

Thursday

I don't remember a lot of last nights dreams. I do remember being somewhere that the primary language is not English. I was there and a festival was happening. I spent most of the dream just doing the tourist thing.

It's an ok day. Dad is in surgery right now. Heart stuff. Gay (my sister) is on her way to take DJ (her furkid) to the vet. He is in lot's of pain. She is so scared they are going to say put him down. Lobo (my shepard) his hips are bad and I don't know what to do. He is still up and moving. He is slow getting up and he falls on the hardwood floor so I have rugs around for him. I know I'm going to be the one who has to make the tough decision. It's always me. Heck he is Tom's dog, except for the fact that he loves the boys more than the rest of us. lol I don't look forward to the decision.

Tuesday night dream

I was in a house with some other people. It seemed like an older house by it's style. Though the furniture updated the house. I was standing there and we were talking about phenomenon that happens and laughing, just have a good time when it changed. They told me it would. So there we were one minute in the house and the next in the same house with no furniture. It was a different time. I looked around and for some reason ghosts were on my mind. I think maybe I saw a few but I'm not sure. I was amazed that we had been taken to this time. I was really looking around when we were all of a sudden brought back. There was a lot of excited chattered and I told you so's.

This whole dream took place in one place. Then there was school. I didn't want to go because I wanted to figured this other place out. The one with no furniture. So I didn't go. It also seemed like I as able to watch people from my time when I went to this other, but only some times. At one point I am pulled into this place with no furniture without wanting to go. It just pulled me into it. I stood there for a moment and then said no, I want to go to my home. I yelled something out three times and was back home. I found myself in something like a library. There were some other women there and they were discussing a problem with a computer type thing. Then one of them saw me and came over. She said are you ok and then asked if I should be there. She said she had heard that I had been sick and that's why I missed school. I said I'm fine and then realized that when I was gone to this place with no furniture I was missing school and that one of my friends was covering by saying I was having stomach trouble. I realized that I had missed a lot more than just a couple of days. I got the feeling I had missed most of the year. I tried to cover for what I had been doing and the woman's face had such a concerned looked on it.

This libarary that I speak of was sparce in a feeling way. everything was very white and... you know how you get that foggy look from the rays of the sun when it's so bright as it climbs into the sky? That was there also. I remember the bookshevles going up and into this foggy light. It seemed like there was no ceiling. There were a few tables around. It seemed like this was a teachers area though. I got the feeling I wasn't suppose to be there but they didn't make me feel unwelcomed at all.

The place with no furniture was a large room. The carpet was a golden color, the walls had wood panel part way up and then there was just the wall. The wood trim was very tasteful, not too much and not too little. It fit the room perfectly. It felt like an elegant room just by itself.

I get the feeling this dream was about me wanting to escape. That is why I would leave the room with furniture, all the problems that are bothering me now and the empty room. Yes I used the word escape because that is what I desparately want to do. Escape all the bad news. Plus I'm being shown I'm missing "school". I'm missing my chance to learn what I need to.

You know i've decided that the good news just can't stop coming. No I'm not serious. Dad went to his heart doctor and dammit, nothing is going right. His heart doctor will not give him clearance for the chemo treatments. The doc gave him nitro also. This is a fucked up day. It had been ok but damn it's turned to shit.

I'm just tired. Something big is coming again and I feel it. I have to admit I'm getting a bit gun shy about this feeling now. Honestly I'd love to run away right now. I'm looking for my old hermit cave again. It's safe in there, it's quiet and nothing bad ever happens. I'm not happy and I don't even know what would make me happy. There is no desire for me to continue. Only by knowing I have to, that I do. I don't know, maybe this is nothing more than a mood and I feel great in a little while. Who knows.

At times I feel like moving would solve everything. Then I know it won't because that's just running away. I feel like I'm wasting away. I'm not doing what I should be. We'll see.

Monday night dream

Last nights dreams were intense. These were not like others I've had. I noticed I'm starting to say that a lot lately. Of course that makes me wonder.

I'm not sure that this dream was not really me traveling to another plane. To me the people all seems like zombies. Their movements were really slow and they would attack anyone that was not like them. I found myself and a couple of other people in their "world". As we walked around we found that if we emulated their way of moving and such that we could get by unnoticed. So that is what we were doing. I have to mention their teeth also. There teeth were all very pointy and they pushed against the lips a little. They were also all brown. Their mouths stayed partially open all the time. As they moved along they also were looking down. One building I was in was a hospital for them or at least that is the feeling I got from it. These beings had on clothing but I can't describe it. We found some teeth that were similar to theirs and so we put them in to travel among them safely. We were trying to get out of there. A couple of times we were spotted and a slight alarm went up. However it was like they lost interest quickly. Finally we got outside to the area where we could leave by. I went ahead and these other people told me to stop that there was this fencing that was there, it worked on some kind of cycle and if anything was between the fencing it would be killed. I was telling them it was off and if we hurried we could get through it. Then I saw the inner most fence start to come on so I had to go back. I was trying to convince them we had to move forward. Then all the fences were on. Then we were walking along this trail that was behind the building we had been in. There were pens all along the edge. They were like chain link fenced pens. Some had small huts in them and others had more elaborate ones. Out here was something like a band of rebels. They were not better they were just different from the others. These were more aggressive. There was an authority figure among these rebels and I tried to avoid him often. I fit in with these beings ok, but they weren't really thrilled with me being there. They ran in something like a pack. We did our best to avoid them. Then I happened up on a group wearing robes. They were wild, almost literally. Somehow I got swept up in them as they were running to their meeting. They all had on gray robes and the one in charge had on a black robe. I was left standing next to the black robed one. I looked down the line because they were all standing in line. There were two lines of them and they faced each other and the one in black robes was in the middle of the line on the left. I looked past him and had a vision. He sort of cleared his throat and when I brought my attention back to him he said that is dangerous you know. As I answered him I noticed that all the others were gone and there were small piles of something where they had stood. I said what? He said going off like that. I said it's not the first time it's happened and it seems to be happening more often. That's when I woke. I could never see his face.

I talked with my mom this afternoon to see how dad's appointment went. She said he was very depressed today. He kept telling everyone he didn't know why he was going through all this because he was dying. The nurse told him he needed to think positive. Then mom told him he needed to stop telling people that he was dying.

I talked to him for a bit and then he told me he needed to go lay down.

Saturday's Thoughts

I just came in from feeding the fish. There is such a peacefullness about the pond and the fish. All the sounds of nature are pleasing to my ears. The sound of the waterfalls helps take me away. The things is I never want to come back. Peace be the mind a friend tells me often. I can find that peace when I sit by the pond but when I come back it's hard to hold on to it.

I feel the want to run away so I can avoid the things I don't wish to face. Yes, it's something I've done often. I find that there are changes I don't want to happen yet I know I can't stop.

I have questions in my mind. These relate to my dad and well they can relate to others too. On healing, of course I want to heal my dad, I want him to be free of cancer. Is this me being selfish or is it that he wants this? Of course he wants to be free of cancer but his attitude is one of defeat. What if it is that this is what is to happen to him? If I try and heal him then I go against what was meant for him. Yet, if I don't try, am I letting him down? Will his higherself allow any healing? It's not that I feel defeated in this, these are just questions that I feel I need to ask and I need to have answered.

I've been tired all week, totally drained. I've had sinus headaches all day, everyday this week.

There is such darkness in my life, yet I can see a light that keeps it in balance. I forget that in the dark moments. It's those times that threatened to pull me under. Sometimes it's like being on a black ocean with waves crashing almost on top of me. The blackness surges up above my head and then it does break over me. I feel despair and then there is a small light that makes it's way through the black water. It's just a pin point when I first see it. Then it grows as it comes closer. The water doesn't look so bad when the light shows into it. It's remembering the light is there that can save me. I do forget at times to look for it when the wave crashes over me again. Then I get a reminder to be watchful for that light. My light is many things and people and I am thankful for them all. I forget that I am not alone. I guess I've always felt like I was so it's hard to realize I'm not. You know sometimes these bits of light come from the most unexpected sources. Today for example. I haven't been overly depressed just sad ever so often. So I decided to go feed the fish. I sat out there and took in nature. The butterflies love the butterfly bushes that are growing every where around the pond. So I sat and watched this one yellow butterfly. That was my light. Then came the dragon flies from no where. I couldn't help but smile. i know for some of you, you are thinking that is depression?! Well for me it is. I normally don't have anything to be depressed over. Now I have a worry in my life. One I don't want to deal with but have to. I will deal with it and I will handle it. I have no choice and I can't hide.

Tuesday

After I found out about dad's stage in cancer it felt like the world imploded.
I tried to grasp something positive and found nothing. Then Michael brought me
home some fried shrimp, where he and Tom had eaten lunch. I had been crying and
of course that screwed up my sinuses and I didn't feel very good. I ate without
really tasting what the food tasted like. I went down hill from there. My head
was hurting enough to make a giant go to his knees. It only got worse as the
day went on.

So I came home got Michael to rub my head which normally breaks the pain. It
didn't touch it and I had taken Excedrin also. I lay down on my stomach and
buried my face where there was no light and fell asleep. I felt a little better
and then it hit again. I was still sick at my stomach. I thought ok, a shower
will help with the headache. It did as long as I was in the shower. Now this
is what I was actually getting to. In the shower I had started thinking about
dad and trying to work on getting positive back to me. I showered, shaved and
washed my hair. As I was rinsing the conditioner out I felt somewhat better. I
turned off the shower and grabbed my towel. I turned around and on the floor of
the shower was a face in the water.. It was a face of a hollowed eyed ghost. I
quickly washed it down and told it no. Ok the illness and headache came back
but my attitude had changed.

This morning I feel twinges of the headache but I feel some what better. I talked with mom this morning and she said that the doctor did say that the tumor had grown through the wall of the interestine. Which is what the blurb I posted said yesterday. So she is going to tell Guy and I am going to tell Gay. Dad wants us to come up on Sunday. He was going to tell everyone then. Mom was able to convince him that it wouldn't be a good thing to do. I know he wants to be the one to let us know but it was a shock enough to hear it like I did.

Dad - update 07/18/2005

I don't know enough about anything right now.

Dad is going home today and he is so thrilled. I had to laugh, while mom was telling me about him going home I could hear him in the background. She laughed and said that he told the nurse if the other nurse, that shows them how to care for the bag, doesn't show up by 11:00 he is leaving. He reasoning behind that is that check out time is 11:00. Mom said that she had a feeling that he would be released so she had packed everything before she left this morning to go to the hospital. She said he wouldn't want to stop by on the way home. Believe me, she is right. lol

Then she said he wants everyone to come up on Sunday. Now this simple statement doesn't sound too bad does it? Then she followed it with he has something he wants to tell you all. You know how you get that feeling you probably don't want to know what someone wants to tell you? I've found in my life that every time a person has ever told me those words it was something I didn't want to hear. This time was no different. His test results came back this morning and his cancer is at stage 3. Now those of you who know about cancer understand this. I don't. I do know that they want him to do both chemo and radiation on him. I always know that I'll be reading up on the stages of cancer.

I found this just now as I was searching.

http://ibscrohns.about.com/cs/colorecalcancer/a/crcancerstages.htm

"Stage III
Cancer that has spread outside the colon and on to the lymph nodes in the area surrounding the colon is known as Stage III. In this stage, the cancer has not spread to other organs in the body, and treatment is more aggressive. Surgical resection of the colon, chemotherapy, and other medical therapies may be necessary. The five-year survival rate is 35 to 60 percent."


I just don't know what to think right now. My emotions are still so raw from the news...

Catching Up

I'm covering several things in this post.

(Last week)
When Dad decided that they were going to stay at my house the night before surgery I had to go buy another bed. Now mind you, I wanted to get a king bed anyway so this was a good reason to. So I went mattress shopping with Tom. He needed a couple of mattresses also and the guy said he'd give us a better deal. So it worked for Tom and I both. So I found two that I liked. The one I liked second was their best mattress. However I liked the one that was one step below because it was softer but had lumbar support. Plus the price on the best mattress was actually $200.00 less than the other. So I reluctantly gave in and said I'd take the best one. So we are checking and they wouldn't be able to deliver it until this week. I wanted it by last friday cause I had to set up that other room for mom and dad. So he said this mattress and pointed to it, it the same as that mattress but it's called a Euro top. The other one was a pillow top. So I finally said ok. I acted pitiful and he throw in the king frame, and two pillows. lol Then Tom pipes up and says it's her birthday. The guy's jaw hit the floor and he said mine too! So we wished each other a happy birthday and he seemed tickled. lol

(Sunday)
So Sunday rolls along and I spend most of the day cleaning last minute stuff. I ironed the sheets for mom. The cats kept sneaking in the guest room because it normally stays shut and well cats are terribly nosey. So I get the mattress and get the bed made up and get the guest room fixed up. It really looks great, both rooms. So that night I go to bed. What happens? I can't get to sleep. If I do it's for a few minutes. All night, until about 6:30 am I did this. I finally feel asleep and woke up at around 8:45 am. Oh and I forgot the mention that I woke up Sunday morning because something was tickling my right boob.. It was a large black ant. Then making up the bed for my parents, there was a spider sitting on the pillow and it wouldn't leave. I guess the Goddess was making her presence known.

(Monday)
I was going to cook and mom said dad couldn't eat. I decided it wouldn't be a good idea to have the house smelling like a good meal with him unable to partake. So Mom and dad get there and I show mom the room and she says you didn't have to go to this trouble. I said I needed to fix the guestroom anyway. She smiled and told me how much she loved the comforter set and the bed. Then she went on to say but dad wouldn't let her buy anything like that because he said the comforters were too heavy on his feet. Then I showed her my bed and bragged how cool it was that I only paid $69.00 for the comforter set. Each bed had the $69.00 sets but they look great. So she liked that and we got them all set up. Dad complained about everything. He was feeling bad because he was taking medicine on an empty stomach. Which I do understand because I can't take stuff on an empty stomach either. The only thing he liked was a lemon. So he was busy in the bathroom we ran and made sandwichs and ate real quick. lol My sister and brother in law showed up, Matt had come down a little earlier. So we sat around and talked for a while. Then everybody left and dad went and got a shower. He was so out of it. I fell into bed thinking I needed to do some work to help them sleep and calm them down. So I got busy with the energy and fell asleep. It's the first time I've slept all night in quite a while.

My dreams had the same theme over and over. It was like someone was saying fine if you don't get it, then I'll show you a different way. The dream I remember the most was of a man and a child. The man was just a black silhouette and the child was easily seen. The man had my dad's voice and I didn't recognize the child. There was a bird between them. It looked like a heron. It was that really pretty steel blue gray they are. The bird would do it's wings out like it was adjusting a feather and then pull his wings back. It did this several times and the boy and man watched. Finally the man said well if it takes off that's it. The boy looked at the bird and said something along the lines of it wouldn't. The bird stretched it's wings again and hopped to take off. I remember catching my breath thinking oh no, it's leaving. As soon as it got off the platform it was on the boy grabbed it by the tail feathers and pulled it back. The bird curled around like cats do but puts it's back to the boys chest. It didn't try to bite him but was opening it's beak. Underneath this bird was completely white. Even it's face and beak were white. I remember looking at that thinking I'd never seen one colored like that. Then I woke.

When I woke I felt loved and comforted.

(Tuesday)
I woke at exactly 6:48 am to the sound of a crow complaining loudly. I panicked because I didn't hear mom and dad's alarm go off. So I jumped out of bed and saw they had already left. I was relieved. lol I thought the alarm may not have gone off. So I started my day slowly, I read all my emails and had breakfast. Then Figured I'd go to the office and get stuff done. Which was good because of course Tom forgot something he would need for a meeting. I had spoken with Gay and we were going to be at the hospital at 11:30 so we could have lunch with mom and Guy. Well, that didn't happen. I think we finally got there at 2:00. Gay had to deal with stuff Dale needed, then someone hid her keys, it took her 20 minnutes to find them. On her way down she got in a gulley washer and pulled off the road like everyone else was doing, a couple of times. We get to the hospital and there's no place to park. I sat there and asked the parking Gods to free up a space, which happened. A really good space too. I had asked the rain eariler to let us get inside the hospital before it rained too hard. Which again, we were allowed passage. So we get inside, the snack machine stole 65 cents from me. We get upstairs to dad's room and when we walked in, Dad was holding Mom's hand. He was asleep but hanging on. She smiled and said her hand was cramping. She pryed his grip open and he didn't move. SO we stayed until after 5:00. It was kind of funny cause mom kept trying to get the nurse to say you should go home tonight. The nurse however said it was up to mom. So I finally said why don't you come back to the house and get a good nights sleep because dad is going to sleep all night. So she was easily talked into that. So we had sandwiches for dinner, cause she wanted that. We sat and talked and had coffee. She was ready for bed and so was I. I didn't sleep worth a crap again. Same thing as Sunday night. I was so annoyed. When I did sleep a had such a nice dream. I don't know exactly where I was but there were two guys who were really good friends. (I'll call them friend 1 and friend 2 cause I have no clue who they were. Friend one had dark hair and friend two had red hair) I don't remember actually being interested in either one but they were interested. Oh I remember until one of them gave me a quick kiss I didn't realize they were interested. So the one gave me a kiss and took off, it was like a run by kissing. Then I was talking with his sisters. They were so funny. We were having a really good chat about the way things were here and the difference there. I had a magazine that had all kinds of horses and other things in it. I ran across the horses called Thunderbolt and I started telling one of the sisters all about the ones I had. I was showing her which ones I still had. He brother showed back up all smiles and started talking to me. I knew by what the conversation was, that I didn't want to talk with him about it. I didn't love him. He tried to get me alone and I avoided him. Then the other one showed up and I realized he felt he was protecting his best interest, me. I didn't know either felt like this really but then I just wanted to get out of there because they were best friends and I didn't want their friendship to end. I knew I was leaving in a couple of days so i'd be out of their lives. Then they got into a fight and I was really annoyed with them about it. I found myself back here but I had friend one with me and one of his sisters. I was showing them around here in the US. I took friend one by the hand and new that we were supose to be together. I felt safe and loved by him. At this point I knew all along I had loved him but didn't want to hurt friend 2's feelings. When I woke I was all smiles and happy.


I just got a call from mom. She said she slept like a log and only woke once when the frog got really loud. lol She said they had dad sitting up in a chair and that they wanted him to walk 3 times today. He had a bad night, as this stupid nurse came in and jerked the covers which jerked his legs up and caused him pain. He said he had had no pain until then. On top of that with her being spaskit she also caused the drain to open up and blood go everywhere. He was rightly pissed. So he has already complained but when I go there for lunch I'm going to remind them to complain to the doctor too. One nurse said for them to write to the hospital administrator and let them know.

So that's all for now.

Happy Birthday

Yep other one happened today. I'm saying happened because I was actually born at 6:55 am and it's now 9:22 am. So yes happened. lol

I have to say that last night suck as a sleeping night. I had so much trouble getting to sleep. I tossed and turned all night. There was just nothing that would keep me awake, no noises or anything. When I did sleep I just had strange dreams that seemed normal yet I know they weren't. By normal I mean like everyday life.

I don't know maybe there were reason I couldn't sleep well. I was telling Branny about my sister finding out that a 16 year old boy was sleeping in her barn. She was freaked out, my sister that is. They found his journal and she read most of it to me. This is one sad kid. He has the normal teenage problems... girls, sex or not enough, talk of suicide and he hates his dad for trying to change him. His mom died and apparently she was his anchor in life. He claims to be a nazi... and wiccan. Not sure how he can combined those two truthfully. This kid just wants to be loved so badly it's heartbreaking. Did I mention that at one point he wanted to kill his family? I've asked God and Goddess to let him get help. He desparately wants help but doesn't know where to turn. So I was probably worried about him last night.

What is your element?

Your element is Water. You have a calm aura around
you and are in tune with the world around. You
observe it but rarely interfere. Because of
your shy and timid nature you will not have so
many friends in your life. But then again,
large crowds aren't your thing anyway. You are
comfortable on your own and are reserved to
others who you don't know or know very little
of. You know everyone out there does not want
to be your friend, and knowing that is good.
However, people who don't know you that well
thinks that you are cold and distant since you
don't want to talk to them. Although you mean
no harm, you can't always be perfectly
understood in the world. No one can. Life in
general are you quite serene with even if there
are some things you don't like. Your love-life
is not so full of boys/girls, but if you
flirted more with the ones you were interested
in I'm sure something would happen. The hobbies
you choose are calmer ones, you are no party
girl that likes to drink and make-out with
three or more guys/girls in one night. Reading
a book or swimming is more your thing. Rate and
message!


What is your element? [with pics + 7 outcomes + detailed answeres!]
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Dream Tuesday Morning

I was working in a business that I was mine. The elevator was rather strange. It was like a birdcage, white in color. The door opened and when you stepped in it looked like it would be cramped but if you stretched your body it opened up full size. I remember looking at the stairs but knew that I'd rather use this elevator. There was a man and another woman there. The man was very wild man type. Funny. I remember looking around and seeing a drawing table. There were a couple of desks. I had to leave to go get tags for my car... which I really have to do. I remember going over speed breakers, being a little annoyed about something. When I got back to the office there were two women in the building. I didn't really like them as they weren't friendly. They were laughing with each other and were looking for the stairs. I got on the elevator and went up. The other two people were busy working around. The other woman went into another room and the man was in the same room I was. The two visiting women came up and were sales people. They wanted to talk about vending machines. I cut them off because they were rude down stairs. i told them that the three of us brought in fruits for our snacks and we didn't need a vending machine. I dismissed them quickly.

Then the man walked around in front of me and he had no clothes on. He had a darker skin, like Indian, or Egyptian. His hair was black. He was nicely endowed, though he was flacid. He was showing me something about his body. I remember him inflating his chest, I was looking at his shoulders at this point. He had nice slender hips but his upper torse was large. I woke up at this point.

When I got out of bed I was so out of whack. My equilibrium was way off. I had to sit down and wait until my body straightened up.

What Type of Forum Poster Are you?

I'm a Happy Fluffy Poster!


Forums-Poster-Type
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News, feelings and such

My dad did his heart stress test on Thursday and Friday. I was worried because mom said she'd call me on Thursday to let me know how things went. The problem was that she didn't. So I was about to call her on Friday when the phone rang, it was her. She said she waited because the test was two days and she wanted to wait until they were through with the tests. Anyway, he passed the test with flying colors so that was great news.

I went out looking for a new bed yesterday. It was rather depressing as I didn't see anything that really grabbed me. There were a couple of beds that I liked a lot but... I don't know. i've got to find one though because mom and dad are spending the night on the 11th and possibly longer I don't know. I have to find a bed and if I can't then I'll just go ahead and buy the mattress and a frame.

I'm missing something today. I don't know what it is though. The feeling is like I've not gotten something that should be done. It's a strange feeling. I get the feeling that this isn't truly my feeling but I am picking up on someone else's. It hit too suddenly to be mine. The feeling goes on to be that of being lonely. Missing someone.

I don't want to be here today. I'm drawn somewhere else. I don't know. Where is it?