Where's my makeup?!

I've been having some really strange dreams again. Not bad dreams, got those couple taken care of. Very busy dreams. I must be in night school again. It's usually what happens when my dreams get like this.

Also I've started waking up again in the middle of the night.

Last night I was with my sister in law who I went to high school with. I was running late and she popped into my room and said you aren't ready? We're going to be late! I looked at the clock and we had to be there in 15 minutes. I said don't worry I'll have my make-up on in 5 minutes. I got to the desk and couldn't find my make-up. I could even find the box I keep it all in. (Now in the real world I don't have a box for my make-up) I started searching for my makeup and could find any of my stuff. Susan (sil) said hurry up I don't want to be late. I said I'm trying my make-ups gone. Then it hit me... She drove over here for me to drive her to school. Why doesn't she just go ahead? Then I got distracted. My mom shows up and there were kittens involved somehow. I complained (read as whined) to my mom about my make-up being gone. Now during this I was flashing back and forth between my young self and my older self. I looked around and there was this huge pile of stuff. It was all black and old. There was my make-up box! I grabbed it and ran back to the mirror. The only problem was there were only a couple of brushes in it. I sat down and thought. I have other make up, just use it. So I was putting on makeup quickly and got to the blusher and it was a liquid instead of a powder like I normally use. I put it on anyway, and was smooting it out when again I was distracted. I was seeing pieces of my makeup here and there. I finally said why does the cleaning lady have to mess things up?!

I'm thinking this dream is talking of my changing. Of becoming someone new. Kind of interesting I think.

Relationships signify our spiritual health

From Karen Casey, Daily Meditations for Practicing the Course:
“Relationships signify our spiritual health.”


“We are in relationships with many people. Each relationship foretells the degree of our connection to God. We may feel more comfortable in one relationship than another; however, if we are not peaceful in one of them, we are not peaceful in any, even those that seem fun and easy.”

“But just as the weakness of one relationship signifies the weakness of all of them, wholly mending just one also heals them all, in an instant. The Course teaches that there is only one relationship. This relationship has simply taken many forms.”

“Looking beyond the characteristics of a single relationship to the spirit that abides within it allows us to join with everyone in love and gratitude. We will not feel tense. We will not entertain conflict when we appreciate the inner holiness of us all.”

“I only have to mend one relationship today for all of them to be healed.
Surely that’s possible.”


There is no stimulus like that which comes from the consciousness of knowing that others believe in us Orison Sweet Marden

I Just Want to Celebrate

I just want to celebrate
Another day of livin'
I just want to celebrate
Another day of life

I put my faith in the people
But the people let me down
So I turned the other way
And I carry on anyhow

I had my hand on a dollar bill
And the dollar bill flew away
But the sun is shinin' down on me
And it's here to stay

Don't let it all get you down, no no
Don't let it all turn you around

Well I can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate oh no
I'm usin' up my time, with feelin' fine, everyday

Dream On

Dream On
by Aerosmith

Everytime that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face gettin’ clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isn’t that the way
Everybody’s got their dues in life to pay

I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it’s everybody’s sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life is in books’ written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know it’s true
All the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it’s just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away
(x2)

Dream on, dream on
Dream yourself a dream come true
Dream on, dream on
Dream until your dream come true
Dream on, dream on, dream on...

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it’s just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Interesting

The Physical Universe Is Energy

Energy Is Magnetic

*Form Follows Idea


Thought is a quick, light, mobile form of energy. It manifests instantaneously, unlike the denser forms such as matter.

When we create something, we always create it first in thought form. A thought or idea always precedes manifestation. “I think I’ll make dinner” is the idea that precedes creation of a meal. “I want a new dress”, precedes going and buying one; “I need a job” precedes finding one, and so on.

An artist first has an idea or inspiration, then creates a painting. A builder first has a design, then builds a house.

The idea is like a blueprint; it creates an image of the form, which then magnetizes and guides the physical energy to flow into that form, and eventually manifests it on the physical plane.

The same principle hold true even if we do not take direct physical action to manifest our ideas. Simply having an idea or thought, holding it in your mind, is an energy that will tend to attract and create that form on the material plane. If you constantly think of illness, you may eventually become ill; if you believe yourself to be beautiful, you become so. Unconscious ideas and feelings held inside of us operate in the same way.”


Creative visualization is magic in the truest and highest meaning of the word. It involves understanding and aligning yourself with the natural principles that govern the workings of our universe, and learning to use these principles in the most conscious and creative way.

~ Shakti Gawain

To forgive is to join with others

From Karen Casey, Daily Meditations for Practicing the Course:

“To forgive is to join with others.”

“No doubt at least one circumstance will arise today that can trigger anger. Even minor disturbances push our buttons if we’re not vigilant. The question many of us have is, “What’s wrong with anger?” We’ve heard that it’s healthy to admit anger, that we shouldn’t stuff it. Have we been misguided?

From the Course we learn that anger is about us, not the others on our path. Therefore, expressing it by attacking someone else doesn’t properly address the cause. If we’re the sole source of what is irritating us, we’re also the single source of forgiveness, and thus change and healing. Actually, this simplifies our lives. It is just isn’t possible to make others behave, but it is possible to change how we act, feel, and think. The unexpected miracle is that everything and everyone else will be changed in the process.”

“I am as happy as I choose to be today.
My anger is gone when I acknowledge its source and its solution.”

Spiritual Cleansing of Your Home

This special fire ritual is a powerfully symbolic gesture, which you can do for the spiritual cleansing of your home anytime of the year. Choose a quiet corner of your garden that is large enough for you to start a small fire in it. You will need a stool on which you can sit while performing the ritual. You will also need some charcoal, dried pieces of wood, oil, and symbolic items signifying things you want to let go of.

Consider all the negative things in your life that you want to discard, all the grudges you may be holding, all the grief still locked up within you. The fire ritual burns away the things that make you unhappy. You can simply write down all the things that aggravate, frustrate, and annoy you - all the things that happened during the past year that you really want to release yourself from, things that went wrong and experiences you don’t want to repeat. The fire burns away all of your problems and unhappiness, so write these down and put them aside to be burned.

Next, buy some black mustard seeds and black sesame - these represent all the bad things and angry words that you said, and gossip that you passed on, which caused others to suffer. These will enable you to purify yourself of all the things you did during the year which offended or caused someone grief or unhappiness. Lay these aside to throw into the fire as well.

Finally, draw a small black scorpion, a small black snake, and a small black frog on a piece of paper. These represent all politicking, idle talk or gossip, and harmful or malicious intentions sent your way. Cut out the drawings and set them aside. These also are going to be consumed by the fire.

Now dig a hole on the corner of the garden that you have selected for the fire. The best time to do this fire puja is during the evening hours between 5 and 7 pm. Draw the infinity symbol on a piece of paper and place this flat on the ground in the hole. Stack some charcoal on top of the paper and start a fire. Then place some dried wood on top. Try to make the fire burn strongly in a small area. When you are satisfied that the fire is burning steadily, sit down in front of it and contemplate all the things you will be putting into the fire.

First put in your drawings of the scorpion, the snake, and the frog; as these burn, imagine that all the desecrations and harm to your spirit caused by others gossiping about and creating difficulties for you are dissolved, cleansed, and purified.

Throw in the paper on which you wrote about people, events, and things that offended, upset, and annoyed you. As you watch the fire consume the paper, let go of all those negative emotions and feelings and allow yourself to feel that you are completely liberated from them. If you feel afraid, think that the fire also consumes all of your fears. With this ritual, you can be as egocentric as you wish. Do not allow the fire to burn out until you have finished the ritual. Add fuel to it as required.

Now pick up the black sesame and mustard seeds. Imagine that they represent all of your bad thoughts, harmful actions, and evil intentions. As the seeds burn, think that these negative aspects of yourself and those around you are cleansed, dissolved, and purified. This is the most important part of the ritual, because it is really important to cleanse your environment of all your and others’ negative thoughts and actions whether committed willingly or inadvertently.

As you feed the seeds into the fire, let yourself experience a sense of remorse and regret about having caused anyone harm or grief. Make sure you burn all of the seeds that you bought. Do not leave anything behind.

When you have finished, allow the fire to burn out and then close the hole. Think that the earth has consumed all negative things. The idea behind this ritual is to make you feel purified and that your surroundings are purified.

Extract taken from “Lillian Too’s 168 Ways to Declutter Your Home” published by Cico Books Ltd. Available at MPH and major bookstores nationwide and all
World Of Feng Shui boutiques.

Mistakes? Or Not?

It is easy to be negative about past mistakes and unhappiness. But it is much more healing to look at ourselves and our past in the light of experience, acceptance, and growth. Our past is a series of lessons that advance us to higher levels of living and loving. The relationships we entered, stayed in, or ended taught us necessary lessons. Some of us have emerged from the most painful circumstances with strong insights about who we are and what we want.

Our mistakes? Necessary. Our frustrations, failures, and sometimes stumbling attempts at growth and progress? Necessary too.

Each step of the way, we learned. We went through exactly the experiences we needed to, to become who we are today. Each step of the way, we progressed. Is our past a mistake? No. The only mistake we can make is mistaking that for the truth?

Today, God, help me let go of negative thoughts I may be harboring about my past circumstances or relationships. I can accept, with gratitude, all that has brought me to today.
Melody Beattie ©

Today feels a bit off. Not necessarily bad just off. I think this is just one of those roller coaster days. Up, down, around, up.... Just a weird day I guess.

There is a loneliness to this day. It's not that I necessarily feel alone just lonely. I know that sounds rather confusing but it's the feeling I have at this moment. Still I'm not sad, just off. Maybe it's a day of introspection.

I was just thinking that I should send out to a specific person and get them to call me. No more had I thought that then I get a text message from Jo and Branny. lol Gods I miss them both. Now they weren't who I was thinking of but still what a great gift.

Defcon

I realized that as this week is progressing I'm getting depressed. Then it hit me. Thursday the 19th is my one year anniversary on my divorce.

I really didn't think I would feel it like this at this point. I noticed I'm feeling a little short tempered.

Hold on.. I've got to go take some excedrin and refill my glass of wine.

Ok.. I'm back.

I've noticed I've had headaches for the past few days also. I've had no energy, I can't remember anything either and no desire for anything really. I get tired easily. I just don't really care a whole lot either.

I know it's only a day and I know I can make it.

What a day

I'm having one of those what I call stupid days. It's where simple solutions escape me. lol I'm installing a secondary hard drive in Matt's computer to see if that will fix the problem. That was Tom's idea. Matt's computer is taking forever to start up, so Tom said maybe it was the hard drive. I've done everything I can think of and am now just annoyed at it. On top of that I hurt my thumb putting that stupid hard drive in place. lol Now here is where the stupid comes in. The cable that connect it to the mother board. The box said I have to use their cable. If I do there is no place for said cable to plug in. If I use the one that runs off the master hard drive then everything is cool. I have to ask someone who knows computers. lol

Tom is annoying me. It's work though. There is an attorney who has been trying for weeks to get an update from Tom, so Tom avoids him because he gets pissed off that the person calls so much. Last week I got Tom to agree to a phone conference and that he would have this guy a report by today. The conference was suppose to happen at 11:30am yesterday. Yes supposed to, which means Tom didn't feel like being bothered. So first thing this morning this guy has started calling. Then Tom says send me the accident report on the case. Ok, no problem. Then he calls back and says who's his client? Ermmm what does the file say Tom? He says the name then says I thought he had the other person. Well that's because he is too fucking stupid to know the name of the file instead of where it happened. Yep got to know who you're working on. Now everytime someone does something that he doesn't like he has a complete fit. Another attorney wants to know when he is coming out to MS to do some work. He was suppose to go last week but the attorney had a death in the family. The thing is truly Tom doesn't need the attorney there. It's not like he is going to help do anything. So now I know that Tom will be acting like a jackass setting his feet against going. These people are willing to pay him $300 an hour and he bitches cause he cuts into his play time.

My lawn mower has got to be fixed. I dreamed about the damn grass being tall. *sighs* On an up note my roses are going crazy! They look great. I love my roses.

Just me

Here it is Monday morning and there is so much I want to do. I need to open up yahoo to see if Branny is around to say hi to her. It seems like we've missed each other off and on the whole weekend. I just finished reading Bella's wonderful discussion and need to respond. Cerr respondig to an email I wrote asking about the rune Isa. So I've thought on what she said and need to go back and respond. The grass needs to be cut, rabbits are hiding in it now. lol I've still got to finish Matt's computer. I want to go our and cut some of my roses. They are blooming like crazy. I need to work on my pond. I need to clean up the office and my desk, looks like a tornado landed on my desk or at least passed by fairly close.

Let's see... Sunday I spent most of the day with my mom and dad. The boys went too. My brother and sister weren't there but my brother and his family are sick, which isn't unusual. My sister is in Montana so it was just me and the boys. My dad got on a roll and told us childhood stories for about an hour. No one else could talk because he forgets too easily then he gets upset because he can't remember. He and the boys sat and watched baseball for a while which was good. It's funny when mom and I decided to go outside and sit in the swings they all came out. lol

Matt and Michael had some good bonding time which was really needed. It's the most active I've seen Michael in quite a while. Actually it the happiest I've seen him in a while.

This blog is a little bit of everything right now.

Thursday week will be my one year anniversary of being divorced. It's strange because some times it seems like it's only just happened and others that it's been many years. Actually it's kind of intersting when I went back and read Cerr's take on Isa, that's what this is like. Frozen in time, no movement, a build up behind the ice. I do think this past year has been like that for me. It's ok though, I truly believe things are as they should be.

I've been working on being a Possibilities Person. This is someone who is pushing to negative out of their lives to open up to the possibilities that are out there waiting to be taken.

Last week, well actually the Friday before last I went and had my hair colored. I'm guessing not many are real fond of it. I've only had one person tell me that they liked it. The others haven't said anything. lol I'll have to get a photo and post it. Hopefully It won't be all bad responses. lol Not that it really matters.

I guess I'm talked out for now.

1 Fish, 2 Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

Last night I had an odd dream. I'm not real sure what to make of it.

It seemed pretty much center around my pond. Not where it is now but my pond and my fish. There was something wrong and I was having to get the fish out. Seems like there was sickness in the pond. I found one of those above ground pools and said that's what I've been looking for. I can put the fish in that until I get the pond fixed. The person said they wanted $150.00 for it. So I bought it. As I was doing all this I was taking note of which fish were still alive. I was happy with how many had survived. As I went back to catch them I had trouble finding them. This is when I noticed they were on the bottom dead. I was crying over their deaths, and trying to find any that were alive. I found two and cried more. I told the person that was close to me that I don't know how it happening because so many had been alive. I saw one of the babies on the ground alive and I picked him up and put him in the water. Then I noticed that Black was still alive so I scooped him out. Percy was next, and then I saw that more of them were alive. I was getting excited because they were coming back to life. I was happily scooping them out when I woke up.