Truths
My brain picks the strangest times to let things leak out of it. Here I sit scanning photos of a tractor trailer crash and my mind is working on something.
Earlier I had written to Laurence that I finally realized I couldn't make dad have a good attitude about his cancer. Nor should I be trying to make him. Then while sitting here scanning it came to me... My truth is that Dad can be healed. However Dad's truth is he cannot. We have opposing truths here and of course his will win in this because this is about him.
You see right before he found out he had cancer he decided he was dying. I'll admit that what was going on with his body was bad and it did point to serious problems such as cancer. Then he finds out he has cancer, now his "worse fear" has come true. His truth was he had cancer. As time is going on he thinks the worse. He had to have a colostomy because that was his fear. I found it interesting because they said it was possible that he wouldn't have to have a bag but then his fear was he would. The doctor said I think you won't have to have a bag, Dad didn't believe this. When the doctor did the operation sure enough the tumor was too close to the rectum. Again Dad's fear. Then his fear was it was outside the colon wall, it was and had gotten to one lymph node. Now his fear is it's all over him. His truth is this will kill him because he can see no other way. I love my Dad and I am not ready to lose him. I will however stand beside him and his decisions.
I think when I realized his truth though was when I told him I believed we can heal ourselves. The saddness in his eyes told me then that he did not. I didn't want that answer and think I blocked it out. Maybe it was the thought of how could he not trust in what I said? Now I know it's not about him trusting in what I say, it's his truth not mine. He may accept that it is my belief that we can heal ourselves yet it isn't his. I think one reason that bothers me is because his father was a healer. Pappa Childers could talk fire out of people who had been burned. Still he denies the possibility for himself. It could be that he just doesn't believe we can heal ourselves. Or it could be that he has really forgotten the gift his father had and the magick his mother could work.
Earlier I had written to Laurence that I finally realized I couldn't make dad have a good attitude about his cancer. Nor should I be trying to make him. Then while sitting here scanning it came to me... My truth is that Dad can be healed. However Dad's truth is he cannot. We have opposing truths here and of course his will win in this because this is about him.
You see right before he found out he had cancer he decided he was dying. I'll admit that what was going on with his body was bad and it did point to serious problems such as cancer. Then he finds out he has cancer, now his "worse fear" has come true. His truth was he had cancer. As time is going on he thinks the worse. He had to have a colostomy because that was his fear. I found it interesting because they said it was possible that he wouldn't have to have a bag but then his fear was he would. The doctor said I think you won't have to have a bag, Dad didn't believe this. When the doctor did the operation sure enough the tumor was too close to the rectum. Again Dad's fear. Then his fear was it was outside the colon wall, it was and had gotten to one lymph node. Now his fear is it's all over him. His truth is this will kill him because he can see no other way. I love my Dad and I am not ready to lose him. I will however stand beside him and his decisions.
I think when I realized his truth though was when I told him I believed we can heal ourselves. The saddness in his eyes told me then that he did not. I didn't want that answer and think I blocked it out. Maybe it was the thought of how could he not trust in what I said? Now I know it's not about him trusting in what I say, it's his truth not mine. He may accept that it is my belief that we can heal ourselves yet it isn't his. I think one reason that bothers me is because his father was a healer. Pappa Childers could talk fire out of people who had been burned. Still he denies the possibility for himself. It could be that he just doesn't believe we can heal ourselves. Or it could be that he has really forgotten the gift his father had and the magick his mother could work.
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