Pondering, Opinions and Trappings

There have been several conversations lately that have lead me to think deeper on my spirituality. Mine is not a religion for I find religion makes me very uncomfortable. Maybe it's the rigidity of it. To say you follow a religion means you adhere to specific steps of that belief system. You may have a background in a specific religion that you've brought forward on your search for path. You may even incorporate it into your new path such as a desire for ritual. I know some people will say they are ritual junkies. They enjoy ritual and will do ritual for that fix, as it were. For me it's not needed and that's probably because I wasn't raised in a religious family therefore I have no deep need for it. By deep need I am not saying that you feel you have to but it's like you almost feel it's necessary.

My need isn't to be seen by spirit but to have an open connection with spirit. My doing ritual doesn't ensure that the connection is any stronger. It's the intention in your heart. Doing all the ritual work doesn't mean that you even understand what it is that you are doing. It doesn't mean that in your heart you are striving to become one with spirit. We know from life that just because someone claims to be spiritual it doesn't mean that they aren't above doing illegal things, to molesting children, or even using their position to make money off the backs of others. These isn't to say that religion is not a good thing. Religion is just not for me.

I believe that there is a oneness that isn't assigned a gender. Somehow I feel like gender has nothing to do with it. I do feel like this oneness comes to us in a way that we can accept. There are things that I'm not ready to accept yet but that doesn't mean that I'm not trying. It simply means that I don't have the understanding yet. I think even bringing up gender makes things more difficult to understand. Yes, I do have a lot of confusion in my mind on this. I was raised to believe in God, though I always felt there was more than simply God. That's a tough feeling to explain though. It could be that I think we put limitations on God, not that we intend on it but our understanding isn't broad enough. We are limited in our thinking, again not because we aren't growing. We are however, not all knowing and if we haven't had experience or feel something is true then we say it isn't. How do we know it isn't?

Does this mean I believe everything I hear simply cause I have no proof one way or the other? No it doesn't. What it means is that I am not closing off to possibilities. That voice inside me may say I don't believe this or simply say I'm not real sure. I listen to that voice. Yes the voice may change some time to say the opposite of what it said at first but I think this is because we aren't ready for that at that particular time in our growth.

Yes this sounds wishy washy but I'm trying to make sense of this life as best I can.

I am one with the universe. Why? Because I truly feel and have always felt we are all connected. Do I have proof? Not in the way we normally think of proof. I mean how do we prove we are really here? How do we prove that there are other dimensions? I've had people tell me yes we are all connected but I've had a couple say the opposite. As I was asked, while I was questioning other things, will this affect your enlightenment? No it won't but for me it's just getting that yes someone else agrees. I don't mean that in a, oh I can believe it cause someone else does idea. When other people that I respect for their knowledge and such tells me it's true then I have that boost to believe in myself.

I believe things happen as they should, yet I believe we can change things. That sounds very contradictory I know. However, if we stand out in the road long enough we are going to get run over by a car. If we walk out into that same street aware of what is around us we can move if we don't want to get run over. It's the "me" that I can change. I can't change another and really shouldn't feel the need to but again it's our conditioning. I guess it's that I believe we have some leeway in our lives. We choose which way to go for which lessons we need to learn.

I believe we can heal ourselves. I also know that this takes a lot of belief and trust in yourself. Why some people can't be healed and other can I could only guess at that answer. Is it that it's their destiny? Or is it that they believe deep down they can't be healed? Could it even be they feel they don't deserve to be healed? I'm not saying that herbs and such don't work either. If however we believe that they will not then we block the healing.

We can change our lives for the better. We have to believe we can before it will happen. When someone complains that they did a spells for (insert desire) and it didn't work, who do you think they should blame? Themselves, because the spell isn't even necessary to accomplish these things. I think a spell is really a visual for your mind to grasp.

I keep having this voice inside my head say, "I don't know what I believe anymore". Is this because there is a shift in my beliefs that are causing me confusion? I say probably.

I believe we should follow the path that helps us get the enlightenment we are searching for. That may be many paths or it may be one. For some they may never find what they are looking for but I hope they do.