If it Makes You Happy, Then Why the Hell Are You So Sad
This blog will probably not make a lot of sense as I'm just going to let my mind wonder through it's self and see what comes out.
I'm letting the old stuff go. I don't need or want it. I'm tired of feeling the hurt, the wondering of what if's, and the why's. It sucks when these are the things that keep coming to you. I mean what? Is it something I need to deal with or is it that it wants me to just let them go? I have no idea. I'm tired of feeling used. Tired of putting all my effort in there just to feel ignored later. I'm tired of trying not to hurt people's feelings yet I'm suppose to take it when they lash out. I'm suppose to be the person who people can dump their shit on and walk away happy. Yet when I have those moments those same people aren't there. I honestly don't mind helping people and do enjoy it. If a friend is in need I'm there. I don't like the one way street that some seem to think it is. I remember being happy in my life. It just seems so far away.
Letting go doesn't mean that I don't remember it. Lessons learned and all that. The lines are drawn boldly in the sand now. There is no more gray area in that. For once in my life I don't care what people think. They don't like it that's their problem not mine.
No this isn't about feeling like a victim. It's about becoming stronger and not wanting to put up with the bullshit anymore.
As the lyrics of I am the Highway says:
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightning
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night
I'm tired of feeling like I'm not sure which way to turn. It's not that this things are closed to me there are just too many choices. I've been questioning where I belong and if I belong anywhere. I think I misplaced my magick. I can't find where I put my excitement for life.
I was thinking last night about the Trail of Painted Ponies. It occurred to me that I could do something similar. They have those blank models of horses that you can paint the way you want to. I was thinking last night about doing one. I'll have to look into it.
I'm letting the old stuff go. I don't need or want it. I'm tired of feeling the hurt, the wondering of what if's, and the why's. It sucks when these are the things that keep coming to you. I mean what? Is it something I need to deal with or is it that it wants me to just let them go? I have no idea. I'm tired of feeling used. Tired of putting all my effort in there just to feel ignored later. I'm tired of trying not to hurt people's feelings yet I'm suppose to take it when they lash out. I'm suppose to be the person who people can dump their shit on and walk away happy. Yet when I have those moments those same people aren't there. I honestly don't mind helping people and do enjoy it. If a friend is in need I'm there. I don't like the one way street that some seem to think it is. I remember being happy in my life. It just seems so far away.
Letting go doesn't mean that I don't remember it. Lessons learned and all that. The lines are drawn boldly in the sand now. There is no more gray area in that. For once in my life I don't care what people think. They don't like it that's their problem not mine.
No this isn't about feeling like a victim. It's about becoming stronger and not wanting to put up with the bullshit anymore.
As the lyrics of I am the Highway says:
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightning
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night
I'm tired of feeling like I'm not sure which way to turn. It's not that this things are closed to me there are just too many choices. I've been questioning where I belong and if I belong anywhere. I think I misplaced my magick. I can't find where I put my excitement for life.
I was thinking last night about the Trail of Painted Ponies. It occurred to me that I could do something similar. They have those blank models of horses that you can paint the way you want to. I was thinking last night about doing one. I'll have to look into it.
3 Comments:
I think you should do it-paint one of those ponies.
I know how you feel and if you ever want to talk you know my number. Your special Georgia.......~Michele
I think you should do it-paint one of those ponies.
I know how you feel and if you ever want to talk you know my number. Your special Georgia.......~Michele
Paint the pony, also if you ever need me let me know,
love and Hugs
Audx xxx
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