Soul Mates & Hot Dates
When I got home from the office yesterday I opened up my email and found one from Llewellyn Books. Yep they are having a Halloween Sale. It is books so I cruised through the sales section. I ran across this one book and it caught my eye. Soul Mates & Hot Dates: How to Tell Who's Who by: Maria Shaw. First glance I thought cute title and then hmmm... So I clicked on the link and had a look at the book. Of course my brain was running at Mach 2 now thinking about the possibilities. I thought you know this would really be great, help sort out the unnecessary stuff. Then it happened.
What you ask? Well somewhere inside my brain it calms down and wants to discuss this with me. Firstly, it points out the point that what is this unnecessary stuff you are thinking of. Well, I stumbled around trying to get an answer that sounded half way intelligent. It wasn’t coming I could tell. So I argued with myself that at my age I didn’t need to waste my time and before I could finish that voice cut me off. You are never wasting time in any kind of relationship. There is something that is needed in everyone. So I did a quick review of past relationships and thought well ok. I heard fingers drumming in my mind waiting for more from me. So I worked out that yes indeed I have learned something from all of my relationships and no they weren’t a waste of time.
So I’m sitting there letting this all sink in and understanding better about those relationships. The voice chimes in again when I got quiet, “Why do you think this book would be good then?” This time my mind doesn’t race and search for the answer, no, not this time. This time it was calm and answered easily, “Because I thought it may have the answers”. As I sat and thought on that for a moment I realized that truly the answers aren’t in books. It’s our need for those answers that leads us to buy these kinds of books. We are tired of searching and wondering if this person is the one, is there a deeper connection with them. (This statement because this is what the book is about after all). We want reassurance that we aren’t making bad decisions. We want the answers because we are unsure of ourselves. We want these answers NOW! On another level it’s because we fear making mistakes. Plus we don’t want to invest the time in someone who isn’t going to hang around. Well guess what, all of those We statements, don’t matter. There are things that we need to experience and enjoy or not.
People come into our lives and leave all the time. When it’s about love it’s when we seem to really notice it. Those who are friends they pass through our lives and we barely notice when they are gone. Yet when love passes through your life and leaves you notice it. You notice the feeling of emptiness when they are gone. You notice all the little things around your life that reminds you of them. You notice how empty you feel. Some people do better in handling this kind of loss than others. Me, well, I’m very emotional and then things settle down. I move through those stages of loss like the speed of light, though sometimes I have to revisit them once or twice more. LOL I take time to think about it and just let it go. The thing is we are told love is forever and it may well be. Relationships on the other hand are not. They don’t have to be, though we are told they should be. In for a penny, in for a pound kind of thing. I think we, as humans, have screwed up with assigning time to a relationship or even a title like marriage. Someone will argue oh but there is stability in a marriage. No, there are legal ties; being married doesn’t give you any guarantees about your partner. You may have a wonderful partner that you will spend the rest of your life with and that is great. Not all partnership will last that long or even half.
Ok so back to my original point. The one about books like the one I’ve been discussing some. We buy these books to get our answers. I think it is hard for us to see that books like this don’t hold the answers that we really seek. Not the real answer. You see the question you are really asking when you buy a book like this is simply, “Is he the one”. *smiles* Do you really think you’ll find that answer in a book?
What you ask? Well somewhere inside my brain it calms down and wants to discuss this with me. Firstly, it points out the point that what is this unnecessary stuff you are thinking of. Well, I stumbled around trying to get an answer that sounded half way intelligent. It wasn’t coming I could tell. So I argued with myself that at my age I didn’t need to waste my time and before I could finish that voice cut me off. You are never wasting time in any kind of relationship. There is something that is needed in everyone. So I did a quick review of past relationships and thought well ok. I heard fingers drumming in my mind waiting for more from me. So I worked out that yes indeed I have learned something from all of my relationships and no they weren’t a waste of time.
So I’m sitting there letting this all sink in and understanding better about those relationships. The voice chimes in again when I got quiet, “Why do you think this book would be good then?” This time my mind doesn’t race and search for the answer, no, not this time. This time it was calm and answered easily, “Because I thought it may have the answers”. As I sat and thought on that for a moment I realized that truly the answers aren’t in books. It’s our need for those answers that leads us to buy these kinds of books. We are tired of searching and wondering if this person is the one, is there a deeper connection with them. (This statement because this is what the book is about after all). We want reassurance that we aren’t making bad decisions. We want the answers because we are unsure of ourselves. We want these answers NOW! On another level it’s because we fear making mistakes. Plus we don’t want to invest the time in someone who isn’t going to hang around. Well guess what, all of those We statements, don’t matter. There are things that we need to experience and enjoy or not.
People come into our lives and leave all the time. When it’s about love it’s when we seem to really notice it. Those who are friends they pass through our lives and we barely notice when they are gone. Yet when love passes through your life and leaves you notice it. You notice the feeling of emptiness when they are gone. You notice all the little things around your life that reminds you of them. You notice how empty you feel. Some people do better in handling this kind of loss than others. Me, well, I’m very emotional and then things settle down. I move through those stages of loss like the speed of light, though sometimes I have to revisit them once or twice more. LOL I take time to think about it and just let it go. The thing is we are told love is forever and it may well be. Relationships on the other hand are not. They don’t have to be, though we are told they should be. In for a penny, in for a pound kind of thing. I think we, as humans, have screwed up with assigning time to a relationship or even a title like marriage. Someone will argue oh but there is stability in a marriage. No, there are legal ties; being married doesn’t give you any guarantees about your partner. You may have a wonderful partner that you will spend the rest of your life with and that is great. Not all partnership will last that long or even half.
Ok so back to my original point. The one about books like the one I’ve been discussing some. We buy these books to get our answers. I think it is hard for us to see that books like this don’t hold the answers that we really seek. Not the real answer. You see the question you are really asking when you buy a book like this is simply, “Is he the one”. *smiles* Do you really think you’ll find that answer in a book?
3 Comments:
So, are you getting the book?
LOL No, I think I'll learn how to tell the difference with experience. ;-)
Georgia
The definition of a relationship is "two people and the space between them." That space can always change, from inches, to yards, to miles, to infinity.
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