Monday, January 02, 2006

New Year's

With all the talk that normally takes place around this time of year of resolutions, I just have to say… I will make none. There are things that I want to accomplish this year. I want to work on being healthier this year. To work on eating healthy and working out. There are habits I want to change. This is my year. The year where I find what I’m good at. I will find my direction but I want be afraid to vary from a straight line.

You know yesterday I was full of hope and felt everything was fine. This morning I wake and feel the old fears trying hard to sneak in. It’s obviously something I need to work on. To keep fears out of my life. I’ll admit that these feel different than the others have felt. See before when this would happen all my thoughts seemed to be too far away to be real. So I have stepped forward as now I know they aren’t, I just have to keeping reaching for them until I have them in my hands.

Also yesterday I realized that I couldn’t keep worrying about other people. By this I mean I have to decide where I’m heading. I don’t know, maybe that decision has helped make the other stuff seem easier.

On New Year’s Morning I slept in. I decided to do that for myself. I didn’t have to get up so I just lazed around and enjoyed my dreams. Then I was pretty much a couch potato. Michael and I watched a couple of movies. We enjoyed ourselves in the quiet.

THEN I also started that same day. Now it should be illegal for that to happen. Lol I’m cranky and now starting to cramp some. I feel melancholy today because of those wild hormones. Yes, ride the wild waves of emotions with a Cancer and you will see that life truly is a roller coaster.

I’m looking forward to moving to another house. I think the reason is that I will be on my own. Tom won’t be able to say his anymore. You know I’m rather disappointed that he has said that so much. Just as if I never contributed to anything. You know what? As a good friend said last night. All in the past died last night. All in the future was born. I think this is one reason I’m ready to move on. The past is dead and it’s now time to live for the future.