Thoughts

A lot of stuff is floating in my mind lately. Things that are bothering me. The feeling that the country is going to hell. That we are going to have another civil war soon. That we will see our own soldiers acting against us. I also feel like we will have those that won't act against us. I feel sad for our country, it's not a party line thing either. I could care less about party lines, they have nothing to do with whose right or wrong.

This morning I was washing some dishes up when something outside caught my eye. I felt like I drifted away for a moment. In that moment all I could feel was nothing will ever be the same and a sadness filled me. The feeling was so deep and such a lonely feeling. A feeling of resignation.

I wish I could access this feelings more to find out if they are true or not. Of course I'd rather it not be true but that doesn't mean it is or will be. It could be a fear of mine. How am I to know what is and what isn't? I know about trusting my instincts but I have to say that I don't want to put the energy out there. What I'm talking about is the energy that says these things are going to happen. We talk about sending energy all the time, but whose to say that believing a civil war is going to happen here isn't sening out energy? Then if you add the other people who believe that, it gets pretty strong. Then lets say other people believe what you tell them and now their energy is added. It sounds like vicsious circle. I don't know maybe I'm thinking on this and there is nothing to it.

With all the talk above you probably think I'm having a bad day. I'm not, not at all. Nice day in fact. Getting the laundry room cleaned up. It has looked like a tornado hit for the past 6 months or so. Yesterday I did one of my book shelves. It looks so much better.

Today I feel nervous and I'm not sure why. There is so much I need to do but I have no desire to do it. To keep cleaning is what i need to do. I think I'll go sit by the pond for awhile.