Alone in a Crowded Room


I bet you thought you could never be alone with other people around. Well you can. For that fact I'm sitting in my living room with Tom and Michael and that's the way it is. There must be glass walls that I don't see. There is a separation that I can't name, an aloneness that permeates the room. Tom sits in his chair with his noise canceling head phone on listening to his Ipod, his eyes closed. Michael and I are watching Angel.

See earlier today I followed Tom to the shop to have it worked on. Well, I started getting teary and it just got worse. I pick Tom up and he starts feeling bad because I'm teary. He thinks I hate him and I said no I don't. Then he said you have to stop that. Yeah, I'd like to. So I finally get it under control and then he wants to talk about the divorce. I just held my hand up. He said I don't understand, you don't know what I was going to say. I just held my hand up. So he stopped. We got back and started filling out the paper work. Now all of a sudden it's Tom who is getting upset. That is why he is sitting in his chair sleeping now. *sighs*

So right now I'm ok... kind of.. at least I'm not crying.

Tom does everything he can to not show emotion and he is finding this hard to deal with. It's just as hard for me. Today I wrote him a permission slip to go have fun affairs of the heart. I did one for me too. We both signed them and each have a copy of both. I don't know really what to think though.

I've said a few things that have surprised him but hey if I can't keep it light then I cry. I said so are you going to be mad if I get to have sex before you? That really surprised and shocked him. I guess he hadn't thought about that. I can't really remember anything else.