I've been thinking. About the different wiring in men and women's heads.
I had decided the other night that I could no longer be there to help Tom with his relationship. There were things he was saying that were hurting too much and I was letting it build up inside of me. He has tricked me a couple times since then into talking about her. Last night was one of those times. We had gone out to dinner, Tom is good company but when he starts about her it's the same stuff I've been hearing and it's not helping him or me. So last night he started about how she was all over him when they are together. I mentioned that I felt that was completely wrong because I was never allowed PDA. He said don't start that you can't compare our relationship with hers and mine. I said why? He said it's different. I said no you always said no PDA. He said no only when I was in uniform. I said no you said anytime. He brushed it off and said it was unfair to compare the beginning of our relationship with this new one. I still don't see it. He kept up the PDA thing until 4 years ago when we got back together. Then it was ok to hold hands or kiss him in public. Shortly after that it went back to no PDA. So I don't see the difference. Well it made me cry. He said don't start doing that. Well you know what I was in public and no more wanted to than to shoot myself in the foot. So that ended the talk of his relationship.
Still though how did their wiring get to be so different than ours. I mean he says that he hopes that when I have relationship problems that I can talk to him about it. How is he going to take it when I say that some other guy makes my boat rock like he never did? That I've never felt like this before? That he is perfect and nothing like Tom? Knowing Tom it will hurt his feelings and he won't want me to talk about it. He wouldn't like to hear about some guy having a bigger penis. Yet I am suppose to be able to be detached from these same types of comments. Like I'm not looking back on our marriage thinking then why the hell did I stay with him or him with me. Though I guess when he started the thing about divorce so many years ago I should have gone on. I was too afraid too. Then he started saying when Michael turns 18 I'm divorcing you. Look he couldn't make it to 18. *grins* I don't know. I guess I just wonder why we stayed to together if we were both so unhappy. I think we were both scared.
I had decided the other night that I could no longer be there to help Tom with his relationship. There were things he was saying that were hurting too much and I was letting it build up inside of me. He has tricked me a couple times since then into talking about her. Last night was one of those times. We had gone out to dinner, Tom is good company but when he starts about her it's the same stuff I've been hearing and it's not helping him or me. So last night he started about how she was all over him when they are together. I mentioned that I felt that was completely wrong because I was never allowed PDA. He said don't start that you can't compare our relationship with hers and mine. I said why? He said it's different. I said no you always said no PDA. He said no only when I was in uniform. I said no you said anytime. He brushed it off and said it was unfair to compare the beginning of our relationship with this new one. I still don't see it. He kept up the PDA thing until 4 years ago when we got back together. Then it was ok to hold hands or kiss him in public. Shortly after that it went back to no PDA. So I don't see the difference. Well it made me cry. He said don't start doing that. Well you know what I was in public and no more wanted to than to shoot myself in the foot. So that ended the talk of his relationship.
Still though how did their wiring get to be so different than ours. I mean he says that he hopes that when I have relationship problems that I can talk to him about it. How is he going to take it when I say that some other guy makes my boat rock like he never did? That I've never felt like this before? That he is perfect and nothing like Tom? Knowing Tom it will hurt his feelings and he won't want me to talk about it. He wouldn't like to hear about some guy having a bigger penis. Yet I am suppose to be able to be detached from these same types of comments. Like I'm not looking back on our marriage thinking then why the hell did I stay with him or him with me. Though I guess when he started the thing about divorce so many years ago I should have gone on. I was too afraid too. Then he started saying when Michael turns 18 I'm divorcing you. Look he couldn't make it to 18. *grins* I don't know. I guess I just wonder why we stayed to together if we were both so unhappy. I think we were both scared.
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