Fucked up Thursday
Today as if there isn't enough in the world to drive a person mad I get to add one more thing.
Today my dad went his surgeons appointment today. It seems that the largest mass is 1 to 1 1/2 inches from his rectum. Now what this means is that he has to have a bag. Well he doesn't have to have the bag but if they operate and he doesn't he will have no control over his bowels and will have to wear a diaper. So there is not much of an option between the two. He was devastated when he nd mom came over today. He has an appointment for July 13th to have the surgery. When he first found out he told us he would not let them operae if he was to have a bag. I'm not sure what to think now.
I can't get dad to stay positive. He is so freaked out right now it's not funny. I could see it in mom's eyes too. How do you help someone become positive when all they can think of is they have cancer? How do you help them realize that being positive will help them. How do you convince them that you are trying to stay strong and positive to help them? I know that what my dad has ben told is a live changing thing and I know he is scared. How else can I help him? What else can I do?
I'm feeling rather numb. Again I feel like I'm doing this on my own. By that I mean each of my family is dealing with this in the best way for them. I get the feeling they think that I'm in denial over this. I'm not I'm trying to keep positive energy flowing as I really don't want to fall into a depression. I can say that it would be very easy to do so. I feel myself wanting to fall. Today has just been so odd, moving slowly, surreal.
Yep I'm feeling a little raw. Yeah, I'm feeling like I could bite a few people's head off. Guess what the latter would make me feel better. Why? Because people don't realize how raw I'm feeling. Then i'd feel bad for taking out my emotions on them.
Right now I'm thinking my favorite phrase for a while will be "Fuck it".
Today my dad went his surgeons appointment today. It seems that the largest mass is 1 to 1 1/2 inches from his rectum. Now what this means is that he has to have a bag. Well he doesn't have to have the bag but if they operate and he doesn't he will have no control over his bowels and will have to wear a diaper. So there is not much of an option between the two. He was devastated when he nd mom came over today. He has an appointment for July 13th to have the surgery. When he first found out he told us he would not let them operae if he was to have a bag. I'm not sure what to think now.
I can't get dad to stay positive. He is so freaked out right now it's not funny. I could see it in mom's eyes too. How do you help someone become positive when all they can think of is they have cancer? How do you help them realize that being positive will help them. How do you convince them that you are trying to stay strong and positive to help them? I know that what my dad has ben told is a live changing thing and I know he is scared. How else can I help him? What else can I do?
I'm feeling rather numb. Again I feel like I'm doing this on my own. By that I mean each of my family is dealing with this in the best way for them. I get the feeling they think that I'm in denial over this. I'm not I'm trying to keep positive energy flowing as I really don't want to fall into a depression. I can say that it would be very easy to do so. I feel myself wanting to fall. Today has just been so odd, moving slowly, surreal.
Yep I'm feeling a little raw. Yeah, I'm feeling like I could bite a few people's head off. Guess what the latter would make me feel better. Why? Because people don't realize how raw I'm feeling. Then i'd feel bad for taking out my emotions on them.
Right now I'm thinking my favorite phrase for a while will be "Fuck it".
4 Comments:
Georgia, I havnt any words that will help, just know you, your dad and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love and Hugs
Aud xxx
Hey Georgia - is there a support group through your Dad's doctor's office for both him and you guys? I know it's not a huge help, but again, I'm here if you need to talk/vent/rage/be distracted/a laugh. I'm still doin' my candle thing for you guys in the meantime.
With love,
Andrea
Georgia,
Your dad will have to work through this just like you and everyone else will - but you all - and he - will, each in your own way. You're not alone. Even when you are, you're not. You have a gaggle of ghostly wenches doing odd things like hiding ashtrays and thermoses and......letting you know each in our own way that we're with you. Because we truly are with you.
It may very well seem like the shit's hitting the fan in every sense of the word, but it *will* calm and we will all find some peace with all of this. I don't know how, but we will. Well yes, actually, I do know how we will. By standing together. And darlin, I stand with you and yours *huge hug*
Love you much
Shonna
It's hard when you are faced with your mortality, especially when you are the head of the family. I'm sure much of this is also how he can protect everyone else in his life from this as well.
He will find it within himself to deal with this when he realizes that everyone around him is there for him and basically just wants him around.
You are a strong woman in every sense of the word. Remember, you too are allowed to be emotional with this. YOu do not have to be strong for everyone all the time. Don't forget to cry when you need to.
Just show him you love him. Love is the strongest power there is.
Seren
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