The Charge of Chocolate


Humor by an unknown author

Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate;
who was of old called: Godiva, Ethel M., Sara Lee,
Nestle, Mrs. See, and by many other names:

Whenever you have one of those cravings,
once in a while and better it be when your checkbook is full,
then shall you assemble in a great public place
and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me,
who is Queen of all Goodies.

In the mall shall you assemble,
you who have eaten all your chocolate and are hungry for more.
To you I shall bring Good Things for your tongue.
And you shall be free from depression.
And as a sign that you are truly free,
you shall have chocolate smears on your cheeks,
and you shall munch, nosh, snack, feast,
and make yummy noises all in my presence.

For mine is the ecstasy of phenylalanine,
and mine is also the joy on earth, yea, even into high orbit,
for my law is "melts in your mouth, not in your hand".
Keep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones always,
let none stop you aside.
For mine is the secret that opens your mouth,
and mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips
and comfy padding pounds on your hips.

I am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy
onto the tummies of men and women.
Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious,
and beyond death,well, I can't do much there. Sorry about that.
I demand only your money in sacrifice,
for behold, chocolate is a business,
and you have to pay for those truffles before you eat them.