I went out and fed my fish this morning and cleaned around the pond a bit. That always makes me feel a bit better.

I've reached the numb state, resigned in what life is only at this second in time. I look outside and smile at the beauty I see while inside of me I feel nothing. Just emptiness.

It will get better.

Last night when I went to bed a lay there thinking on past events. I built a cocoon around myself for protection from some of the pain at least. You know it doesn't even have to do with being alone. That part I think I can enough for a while. Who knows I may like it enough to stay that way. If that is what happens then so be it.

Yes that is the way things are.