The sky is clear, why am I blue?
Yep, it's a beautiful here, clear sky, temps are a little cool but that's alright. I've bee on hawk guard since that bastard stole one of my babies. Yeah I know... he was just doing what is natural and that's understandable. I watch any that come near as long as they aren't hunting in my pond they are fine.
I think I know one reason I'm becoming more emotional about all this. I realized yesterday while talking to someone wonderful that the 25th of this month will be the anniversary of Tom and my first date. 24 years. We actually met on the 16th of March but me being the carefree person I was at the time, I had not time for guys. Boy do you think I wish I had kept that carefreeness? Yeah I do... I want to sit here and say never again but I know how never gets changed quickly. Do I feel like never right now? Yes.
As I'm typing this what comes on?
There is a Light
It's getting late and soon you will be underground Searching for something, something that you've never found Alone on an ocean Alone in a sea of regret You look for a sign to tell you if it's over yet But there is a light, there is a light, there is a light There is a light, there is a light, there is a light The truth has been stretched and left to dry out in the sun And the memories feel like an old piece of black chewing gum As innocence slowly seeps its way out of your pores It's hard to know just what to feel any more But there is a light, there is a light, there is a light There is a light, there is a light, there is a light Freedom is useless to someone who's never been free And a church full of angels point to where you want to be High up in your heaven happiness opens its wings And beats them in time to the rhythm of silence There is a light, there is a light, there is a light
I had tuned out the music when I started writing this. Then that came flooding through. I just don't feel like there is any light right now. Funny yesterday was good... That was until I decided to be nosey and check through Tom's emails. Don't look at me that way... He has done it to me numerous time. I haven't until now. I went through and read. I discovered that he hasn't really cared in a long time. Yeah he loves me but not like.. I don't know. I knew I didn't feel it but he denied it. Now I know from his own words. Then I found out that he sent her flowers. He sent me flowers on time, a single rose when we found out I was pregnant with Matt. He said that flowers were stupid. He sent her roses. $86.00 worth of roses. He has tried two alcoholic drinks, which he has always refused when I tried to get him to. He is doing things for her he refused to do for me. They are petty things but still.
After we got our new phones the other day, he laughingly picked up my phone and went through my contacts. Why I don't know. It's not like it's any secret who is in my phone. I don't normally talk very much on the phone. Heck I have 7000 rollover minutes on my cell phone! Does that tell you something! I'll have to admit my regular phone bill is going to be really high this month. I don't even want to see it.
Somehow I feel that my little crab shell isn't protecting me the way it should.
Yep, it's a beautiful here, clear sky, temps are a little cool but that's alright. I've bee on hawk guard since that bastard stole one of my babies. Yeah I know... he was just doing what is natural and that's understandable. I watch any that come near as long as they aren't hunting in my pond they are fine.
I think I know one reason I'm becoming more emotional about all this. I realized yesterday while talking to someone wonderful that the 25th of this month will be the anniversary of Tom and my first date. 24 years. We actually met on the 16th of March but me being the carefree person I was at the time, I had not time for guys. Boy do you think I wish I had kept that carefreeness? Yeah I do... I want to sit here and say never again but I know how never gets changed quickly. Do I feel like never right now? Yes.
As I'm typing this what comes on?
There is a Light
It's getting late and soon you will be underground Searching for something, something that you've never found Alone on an ocean Alone in a sea of regret You look for a sign to tell you if it's over yet But there is a light, there is a light, there is a light There is a light, there is a light, there is a light The truth has been stretched and left to dry out in the sun And the memories feel like an old piece of black chewing gum As innocence slowly seeps its way out of your pores It's hard to know just what to feel any more But there is a light, there is a light, there is a light There is a light, there is a light, there is a light Freedom is useless to someone who's never been free And a church full of angels point to where you want to be High up in your heaven happiness opens its wings And beats them in time to the rhythm of silence There is a light, there is a light, there is a light
I had tuned out the music when I started writing this. Then that came flooding through. I just don't feel like there is any light right now. Funny yesterday was good... That was until I decided to be nosey and check through Tom's emails. Don't look at me that way... He has done it to me numerous time. I haven't until now. I went through and read. I discovered that he hasn't really cared in a long time. Yeah he loves me but not like.. I don't know. I knew I didn't feel it but he denied it. Now I know from his own words. Then I found out that he sent her flowers. He sent me flowers on time, a single rose when we found out I was pregnant with Matt. He said that flowers were stupid. He sent her roses. $86.00 worth of roses. He has tried two alcoholic drinks, which he has always refused when I tried to get him to. He is doing things for her he refused to do for me. They are petty things but still.
After we got our new phones the other day, he laughingly picked up my phone and went through my contacts. Why I don't know. It's not like it's any secret who is in my phone. I don't normally talk very much on the phone. Heck I have 7000 rollover minutes on my cell phone! Does that tell you something! I'll have to admit my regular phone bill is going to be really high this month. I don't even want to see it.
Somehow I feel that my little crab shell isn't protecting me the way it should.
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